So last night was the premiere of the new Muppet Christmas movie on NBC. One word sums it up: heartbreaking. No, this isn't because it was a sad movie. It's because I was expecting so much more. I mean, these are the same Muppets who, when I was a mere tot, made me believe that a green sock with some ping pong ball halves glued on REALLY WAS a frog. They were always that believeable for me. And last night really did a lot to damage that one. Now where is my copy of A Muppet Christmas Carol to help repair that damage?

OK, so it wasn't all bad. There were a few good things last night:
1) Pepe the King Prawn. This is a recently-introduced character (I think in Muppets In Space). I thought him annoying in that movie. Here, he was equally annoying, but in a good way. He was very lecherous, and the scenes between him and Joan Cusack did it for me.
2) The second half. OK, it was a straight ripoff of "It's a Wonderful Life", but if you're going to steal from someone, it might as well be Capra. Kermit finding out what the world would be like if he had never been born, not to shabby.
3) The old standbys. Beaker, Dr. Honeydew, Statler, Waldorf and Johnny the lounge singer guy. You can't go wrong with them.
4) The return of Doc Hoppers! Yes, they acknowledge their past by including Doc Hopper's French Fried Frog Legs restaurants in the "It's a Wonderful Life" sequence. Golden, I say. Too bad not enough kids today have seen the original Muppet Movie to understand why that was so darn funny.

Now, there were some really bad things too:
1) A Moulin Rouge parody. Please, shoot me now
2) Whoopie Goldberg as God. She's already pretentious enough to constanly put herself in the center square, but now she has to be the allmighty? GET OVER YOURSELF!
3) David Arquette. Yes, the former WCW World Champion was in this movie. I hate you with all my heart, David. I hope you get hit by a bus.
4) Not enough songs. This is a Muppet movie, and there were 3 whole songs in it? Come on! There should be a MINIMUM of 5 songs in a Muppet movie.
5) This movie was on opposite The Brady Bunch in the White House. I was so distraught when I found that out. Unfortunately, I couldn't record one and watch the other. One day, DirecTivo, you will be mine. Oh yes you will.....