Is that funny? I ask you, is that FUNNY??!!!!

The question came to me after my having looked into the cold, black heart of Cathy Guisewhite. Why does this comic Midas torture us with her defiant unwillingness to be funny anymore?

Look, when I'm done with a hard day's work of peeling back the existential layers in Bill Keane's Family Circus, I expect not to have to reboot my brain just to understand what this pan-faced sack of chocolate guilt is trying to tell me. I mean, I understand the template of all Cathy strips - it goes something like this:

Cathy: blah
(next frame)
Cathy:blah blah BLAH BLAH!!
(next frame)
Cathy: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
(last frame)
Cathy: blah.

Subsitute blah with "my hair is frizzy" or "my car won't start" or "Elektra swallowed my vibrator" and you generally get the idea. Cathy is about bringing humor to the little triumphs in life, like not eating all the ice cream in the freezer, as well as the grand failures like being unmarried, having a shitty job, and ultimately meeting your demise at the sharp edge of a rapist's knife. I expect this formula to be as reliable as the smooth, curved lines that render the voluptuous Mary Worth the bombshell that she is. So what's the deal? Is it so hard for the stupid broad to just make with the laughs? I don't remember her loyal readers declaring they were tired of seeing Cathy in a jogging suit but nowhere near a gym ('cause, you know, she'd be all sweaty and couldn't meet cute guys!) All I know is if you don't see Cathy's mother in the first frame, then rest assured that only despair lies ahead. I think Irving may be headed for a multi-state killing spree if we don't pull back from the brink. And whence Andrea?

So please, Ms. Guisewhite, I entreat you to bring back the coveted laughs your readers remember from those halcyon days of the week of June 16th-June 23rd. We could all use a little relief these days.

Oh, and by the way: Uber and I are running for President.

Zweibel/Uber 2004!!! Vote Early and Often!