I'd just like to state for the record that Paula Abdul and I have never had sexual relations. Of course, what really stings is that there was never any interest in my tell-all book about our still-otherwise steamy relationship.

Seriously, with all the news set to break today about L'Affaire Abdul, there's a deep sense of irony in reading quotes such as these:

"I am quite surprised and disappointed ABC is devoting an hour of its prime time programming to air tabloid trash," a top FOX executive said from Los Angeles.

I mean, come on now!!! This is outrage from the people that brought you Married With Children, Family Guy, Herman's Head, untold versions of "World's Most Fillintheblank Car Crashes/Animals Going Wild/Other Assorted Whatnot" as well as the commercialization of the unisex bathroom at law firms.

And THEY'RE outraged over tabloid trash?

What next? The WB getting outraged over CBS popularizing MILF fantasies? UPN slamming NBC for a series on blaxploitation films?

OK, OK ... so I've broken down and watched this American Idol series most every week this season. Lesson here is that anytime one gets a hot blonde to do a kickass version of one of Tiffany's better numbers, I'm a ready market. I, too, felt the sting of Anwar and Constantine's early departures while remaining perplexed at the seriously out of place Scott and the overly average Anton remaining on the show. As hoky as the show's concept is ... and as frequently as the finales tend to gravitate towards two contestants that I really have no truck with, this season seems to be a bit better if for the fact that the two likeliest to make it to the final duo (Bo & Carrie) are two that I can find some non-prepackaged & overly commercialized reason to enjoy.

So what to make of a judge who, when the competition arrives at a point where the judges role is significantly diminished, picks out clothing and a hair stylist for a contestant 20 years her junior ... and whom she promptly goes about bedding at a later point in time? I dunno ... I remain unimpressed with the basic thrust of the story - that there's something untowards about Paula Abdul's involvement. I think there's some quality analysis here in (of all places) a Houston Chronicle article that sums it up fairly for me:

"This goes back to puritanical literature from the 17th century," said Rich Hanley, a pop culture expert at the School of Communications at Quinnipiac University in Connecticut. Where within that "puritanical infrastructure, the culture seems to be more critical of sexual proclivity" than of drug abuse or even domestic violence.

"With sex the morality is clear-cut. Sex is the definition of taboo in our culture at large," said Steve Waksman, a professor of music at Smith College in Massachusetts. "On some level it's weird that this particular thing is playing out the way it is. Drugs are, typically, every bit as suspect. I think there are certain places in the culture where drug use is likely to be overlooked. Clearly, within the workings of the music industry, drug use is, I don't know if I'd go far enough to say routine, but it's not an overstatement.

"It has to do with character, and character has to do with expectation. Some people aren't expected to know better or some people are expected to live more dangerously."

Then there's the gender double standard.

Women in trouble
Take American Idol's second season castoff Franchelle Davis, who was kicked off after it was revealed she had starred in a porn movie, or, in a broader sense, the Janet Jackson breast-baring fiasco at last year's Super Bowl. In both cases the women were chastised. Davis was thrown off the show, and Jackson's new album didn't sell. In the Super Bowl incident, Justin Timberlake, who exposed Jackson's breast, enjoyed a boost in popularity.

"Women, I think, are expected to follow a more strict set of rules," Waksman explained.

That's why Monica Casper, director of women's and gender studies at Vanderbilt University in Tennessee, thinks Abdul will be "vilified" if these accusations turn out to be true.

"I feel like there's a contradiction in that women are so often positioned as sexual objects and on display, (yet) we're also in trouble if we participate in an unacceptable way."

Anthony Pomes, who served as chief research editor on Joe Franklin's Great Entertainment Trivia Game, said Abdul was almost set up for this kind of scandal.

When Constantine Maroulis was booted off AI last week, "the cameras almost created a romance between him and Paula," Pomes said. "She was the weeping wife, waiting for the GI to come home. It became almost The Paula and Constantine Show."

"These are archetype characters with these archetype story lines of the rise, the fall and the redemption," Hanley said.

Or, from another vantagepoint ... Ashton Kutcher good; Demi Moore not good. Sure, it'd be great and wonderful if everyone played according to type and those "types" were universally accepted as fine and dandy. But the worst case scenario in the current affair (pun intended) is that a "judge" who has no say-so on someone's professional success might have helped the guy pick a song or two before he ultimately got canned from the show when it was revealed he whomped his sister and some cops earlier in life. I mean, what was the bargain here? That Paula would REALLY say nice things about the guy after his 90 second musical venture on the stage? ... as opposed to the "just kinda nice" stuff she'd otherwise spout off about people whether they sucked or not? I mean, that's sorta like nailing the Special Ed teacher ... she was gonna pass everyone and say nice things about you anyway. So what's really to gain?

Oh right ... a book deal. I forgot about that. 'Nuff said.

More Linkage:
ABC News: Ex-'Idol' Claims Abdul Affair
http://www.drudgereport.com/mattid2.htm
An Illicit Affair on 'American Idol'?

IdolOnFox.com

AI's Response:

RESPONSE TO CLARK ALLEGATION
Disqualified “American Idol” contestant Corey Clark was removed from the show for failing to disclose his criminal arrest history. Despite documented procedures and multiple opportunities for contestants to raise any concerns they may have, the producers of “American Idol,” FremantleMedia, 19 Entertainment and FOX were never notified or contacted by Mr. Clark, nor presented any evidence concerning his claims. We will, of course, look into any evidence of improper conduct that we receive. In the meantime, we recommend that the public carefully examine Mr. Clark’s motives, given his apparent desire to exploit his prior involvement with “American Idol” for profit and publicity.