And who are the Aqua Agents? Why, they're a cadre of fun-loving and inspiring... um... shills. Actually, the corporate-branded animated ambassadors for Captain D's seafood restaurant chain. "Animated" is rather a stretch here, as you'll soon see upon registering yourself at the agent sign-in. There's Rip, Kat, Tug, Jen and Scooter and the whole crew of two-dimensional motionless characters seem determined not to make any disturbance or collect your attention in any way whatsoever. They are one step away from being employed as "person crossing street" in the sign at the nearest intersection.

But I have come to praise the Aqua Agents, not to bury them! So what sort of hijinks can we expect with this lively bunch? Well, you can... register your birthday! And then what? Well... you can see who else was born on your birthday! And? And you can... see what important world events occured on your birthday. And so on.

But there are games! From this fierce and competitive underwater kingdom comes... Tic-Tac-Toe! A rousing game of Xs and Os with.. um.. yourself? Absolutely! Go for it! What you can do is compete against yourself unto a tie, and then repeat the game and see if you can tie any faster. And how about "Memory", wherein you are called upon to match two character faces underneath the chips until all 12 are gone. Of course, it helps if the characters are, you know, memorable.

Still, I, Ulysses, your stern and flinty deep sea captain, pledge my faithful devotion to the Aqua Agents and will dutifully honor our pledge to provide subpar fish-ities to extremely sad and lonely old men. Where there is a broken home with an alcoholic father and faithless wife, we'll be there! Where there is a child who still retains the hope of escaping her childhood without scurvy, you'll see me. For we are the few, the discreet and undiscerning: the Aqua Agents!!

Stay tuned as we take on the nefarious plans of Whataguy & Addaboy, those mischiefmakers of the Whatakids super-villian organization. Never shall we submit to The Order of Beef! Long Live Mercury-Infested SwimAbouts!

Disclosure: The author of this post will sincerely entertain offers from the Captain D's organization to perform live as a member of the Aqua Agents for any sponsored or catered corporate events. It should be known that I am a rather fetching lad even in the tightest of spandex unitards (a very wide and tall belt would help, though. Cape is a must) and have the corps d'esprit necessary to up sales by at least 1/10th of a basis point. I have no compunction about placing tridents in the hands of fetted CEOs at such events and christening the "Big Tuna" with a wet and hardy fishslap across the face. I have no shame; just an abiding love for our scaled friends. I can be reached through this website. Thank you.)