Jeez, where to begin with this one. Quite frankly, I'm embarrassed as heck to admit I paid $7.50 to see this. Yeah, I know ... it's a cult classic ... it's camp. Normally, I could appreciate that argument.
To my credit, I've only seen the movie once before, a long long time ago. Dunno why I didn't learn my lesson then. But this year's Midnite Movie series at Landmark River Oaks is a little wanting, so maybe I just settled for a lesser movie this year.
For what it's worth, there are several interesting appearances in this movie. One "non" appearance is an uncredited voice-over of a claymation monster ... done by Coach's Craig T. Nelson. My personal favorite, though ... Grampa Kaniski from "Gimme A Break" as Professor Gordon.
Not surprisingly, the character portraying one Flexi Jerkoff went on to do ... um ... nothing. Yep, that's the effect that doing a soft porn flick in the early 70s will have on you. The guy who played the arch-villian went on to such acclaim as performing in Critters 3. Yeah, there ya go.
What sets this movie apart is the special effects. By today's standards, the effects seen are hideously laughable. Yet a gaggle of effects people went on to far superior acclaim in later ventures. Gregory Jein ... only went on to do multiple Star Wars and Star Trek features, as well as becoming the cheif model maker on Close Encounters. Special Effects guru Dave Allen ... Twighlight Zone, Ghostbusters II, Honey I Shrunk the Kids. Want a REAL curious contribution? How about Rob Maine. He did stop motion animation in FG ... he also started out with the same task for Davey & Goliath. If you'll recall, that was a campy Christian claymation show. Perhaps that explains why Maine went uncredited in the movie. Rick Baker appears to win the Lengthiest Resume Award among FG alumni. Bottom line, the behind-the-scenes people went on to bigger and better things and FG serves as the forerunner to much of the special effects that we see today.
So what to make of all this? Well, I would still like a refund for 2 hours of my life I'll never get back, but I at least have earned the pleasure of (should I ever hobnob with any of the aforementioned celebrities) being able to say: "Oh yeah, I saw that movie!" Time to start booking those cocktail parties now so I can get that out of the way. If you're reading this and trying to make up your mind if its worth watching ... all I can say is, maybe if you're really interested in seeing a bit of movie history. Don't expect to be the least bit titillated by the X rating or wowed by the "acting," though. Outside of that, make up your own damned mind.
First, CBS comes out with the bombshell that they're working on a concept for a Reality-show style Beverly Hillbillies. Now, Fox is reportedly looking into doing the same with Green Acres. What next ... a reality based version of Cletus, The Slack Jawed Yokel?
In looking over my new webhosts control panel, I find that this site comes up pretty high on a search of: Bratmobile & Lesbians. This is courtesy of a review I did of their show recently and I still need to move that archive over soon.
The funniest damn thing has to be that I am the 3rd site to come up if you search for "shoe gag." This references a review of the now classic Wet Floor Sign show at Rocky.
Other popular searches that pull up my site:
- RHPS Nudity
- River Oaks Rocky River
- Sadistic Pleasures Cast (ironically, I'm 4th ... the SP site isn't even in the Top 20 ... T.H.E.M. is 3rd)
Upon a little more review, I find yet another humorous search that has gotten a few hits on my site ... a search for "Greg Weiner." Further proof that karma catches up with us all.
Here's the top 20 search hits:
greg weiner - Ain't karma a bitch?
bachelorette nudity - YAY!!!
me first and the gimmee gimmees - Rawk on
rocky horror picture show gags - hmmm ... I need to work on this
amazing randy - SUCCESS!!!
ban-tex investments - Huh?
bratmobile lesbians - *drool*
carlos jiacinto - ???
complete rocky horror call backs - if only I had any
cory feldman picture - ROFL
drunken nudity - ROFL x infinity
eyeliners guitar - RAWK ON!!!
greg brody - Where IS Brody?
hand farting - LOL
lanier and whitmire - A new item ... cool
magenta wig - interesting
maids uniform - tittilating
nexo latino - whuzza?
phil gramm's reason for resigning - senility
picture of jay and silent bob penis - sorry ... not on this site
Well, the comments section of this site got a lot more interesting thanks to this post. So I only wanted to add an open invite to any of T.H.E.M. to visit Southpoint. Sadistic Pleasures Cast Director, Jarimie, has already extended a gratis invite to the show, to which I offer a seat in our little back corner of "paradise" for callbacks and other assorted merriment. I might even be talked into un-retiring Rice/Weiner Chucker v1.0, for such an occassion, so advanced warning is needed on that front. There are literally no hard feelings or ill will towards T.H.E.M. So come one, come all.
Well, fresh off the comments of my recent review of T.H.E.M., we have this offering by T.H.E.M. cast member Chris.
upon reading gregs opinion, I dont think, no let me correct that I know it wasnt an opinion. Its southpoints way of trying to be ignorant. why else would they first come to see a midnight movie there and put it down, this can only mean that southpoint is jelous of river oaks. Then to send one of there own to see T.H.E.M., wich he had plan to give T.H.E.M a bad review anyways. so there was no opinion to begin with. and if you think i have no proof well I get my info. from a very reliable source. And let me just end this saying for one cast trying to dis anouther like southpoint has just done here only means that southpoint in there minds and that it bothers them very much that T.H.E.M is the better cast.T.H.E.M dosent need to go around dising Southpoint, southpoint does that them selves by there actions. So all in all southpoint must be very insucure about what they do and there performance to dis T.H.E.M and the riveroaks theater, wich even though they wont and will never admit it but riveroaks is the better of the two.
A few points to note here. For starters, I am not "southpoint," I am not "Sadistic Pleasures," nor am I in the cast of said troupe. I am, quite simply ... Greg. All that you read was 100% pure, unadulteraded, Greg. If I wanted to do a slam job on T.H.E.M., I could have just made up things based on the many reports I've heard of performances. Instead, I went and witnessed it myself, even shelling out the extra $4.50 for the pleasure.
I can assure you that, while I did not expect much, I left the door open to being pleasantly surprised. On a few counts, I was. On many more, my fears were only validated. Chris, like any previous member of The Beautiful Creatures, has seen better performances than both casts combined. Regardless of what one thinks of the personalities involved in the show, or the politics that led to the cast leadership ... the show itself was far superior. That said, it should be noted that the vast, overwhelming majority of performing cast members have moved to Southpoint to be a part of Sadistic Pleasures. Among the new cast, I had a hard time seeing many bright spots based on what was performed last weekend. While the criticisms may seem harsh, I nevertheless stand by them.
Now, if your comparing theaters ... no argument, River Oaks is FAR superior. But there's one little complication in even that comparison. T.H.E.M. plays upstairs in a small, cramped theater with no room to perform 3 weekends out of 4. Landmark's Midnite Movie series puts that to even fewer performances in the main theater. That means the primary performance hall for T.H.E.M. not only holds fewer people, it is a far inferior place to watch and hold such a show. That said, there will undoubetdly be many who only associate Rocky Horror in Houston with Landmark River Oaks. That's in no small part due to the contributions of the predecessor casts. So it wouldn't be wise to take credit for the work of others. River Oaks is going to get people in the theater. Its like shooting fish in a barrell (and making them come back). Southpoint has a far different crowd and one, I might point out, that is hard to reach and maintain.
As for actions, I'll leave that primarily to the participants to vetch about. I do, however, recall a few actions taken during preparations for the Gay Pride Parade that were far less than exemplary on the part of T.H.E.M.'s cast leadership. Be sure to ask about that.
The Washington Post reviews a recent RockFest show with LA Guns, Firehouse, Warrant, Ratt, & Dokken. Overall, its a fairly negative take. I'll just let this one stand on its own and retort with my own two cents when I see the tour come through Houston on September 6th.
Another Saturday night, another trek to catch Rocky. Only this week sees our superhero traipse on over to River Oaks, instead of the more familiar haunt known as Southpoint. Why? Simple. This is the one year anniversary of yours truly mocking, critiquing, pointing out foibles, and otherwise laughing at the various assortment of freaks that somehow think they're making a statement by attending Rocky.
That said, I attended Rocky, and I've got a statement: T.H.E.Y. suck.
Part of the reason I went was to catch The Amazing Randy as well as The Equally Amazing Stephanie performing as Frank and Magenta, respectively. My own personal predilictions towards this dynamic duo aside, they stole the show ... hell, they were the show.
Now, I wouldn't be fair if I didn't elaborate on exactly how T.H.E.Y. sucked. So here's the enumaration of reasons:
Now that I've said my peace, I'll cover a few more specifics to this performance. Playing upstairs at River Oaks has ALWAYS been a challenge. There's simply not enough space to do Rocky up there. Yet Landmark's Midnight Movie series will generally get a pretty good draw and hence is more deserving of the main theater. That said, my first experience with TBC was in the upstairs theater, and I somehow managed to keep coming back for over a year now.
As for some of the specific actors and actresses, there was a little good and a lot of bad. The good? I'll go with what I seem to recall as being one of the many Chris' on the cast as Riff. Kinda scrawny build, tongue peircings, curly hair. He had a good look for the role and looks to be a solid performer. Naturally, he could use some better talent around him to bring out more in his performances. *cough-Southpoint-cough*
The bad? I'm afraid I'll have to go with Shannon as Janet. Its not a looks issue, its not a weight issue ... its an acting issue. She can't. She's also listed as playing Rocky and Eddie ... I genuinely fear for both roles. I only hope there's not a lot riding on a long productive acting career in this case.
Also bad ... Charles as Crim ... not only was it bad, it was rancid. Charles is the resident Uber-wannabe on this cast and he falls far far short of acheiving that level of greatness. In this role, he tried taking a few pages of Randy's playbook and took them WAY too far. I think he was in character for maybe a split second. I could buy the usage of a Hustler mag in place of the notebook, hell I strongly encouraged Steve-O to do the same thing a week earlier. But the attempt to work with the "audience" was lame. Lame because although he started working with the audience during the "neckless" call lines, it ended up interacting with inactive cast/crew ... which is in and of itself pure crap. The routine where he pretended to have a hamster up his rear ... utterly pathetic.
Even worse? The really hot chick who played Rocky. Pardon me for one paragraph while I just be a red-blooded male. Memory fails me as to the name, but this performer had a lot going for her in the looks department. Yet acting was totally void. Sword of Damacles never looked so boring. This was the definitely low end of the acting gene pool. ... but I'd still do her.
Now, a few quick blurbs about Randy & Steph. Randy does some of his best work in the closed quarters of the upstairs theater. It helps to hear him and see the detail of all that he does. Steph is an awesome foil for much of his schtick, in addition to being one hell of a Magenta in my book.
As for the ex-Creatures in attendance & on stage, I'll hold my fire. Unless I'm pushed, I beleive in playing nice (well, the harsh criticisms above notwithstanding). All in all, a welcome reminder why I haul on over to Southpoint. The ticket price difference is nothing compared to the level of amusement at a Southpoint show.
So, are there any lessons to be learned here for how NOT to perform Rocky? Why yes, there are plenty:
That said ... I'll see the Southpointians next week. Who knows, I might have a few tricks up my sleeve ... so don't cross me ;-)
Hmmm, Hookers suing Hollywood ... this is appealing on so many levels, but try reading through this and see if it makes more sense to you than it does to me.
Canadian Hookers Campaign Against Hollywood (Reuters)
Dear lord ... the Vancouver Area Network of Drug Users have a website ... further proof that EVERYONE has a website!
Greg trots on over to Landmark River Oaks theater to catch the latest Elvira flick. Dig the movie, flip the bird to Landmark River Oaks theater, though. Read on for details ....
Well, here was a date I had circled on my calendar for a while ... Elvira's Haunted Hills. I don't claim to have been the biggest Elvira freak out there, but I always loved the campy schtick of hers for what it was. Fact of the matter, Richard O'Brien is also in the flick, so as a Rocky-phile, that's an added bonus. I first heard about the movie when it premiered at a local high-rent micro-cinema film festival. I would have gone then, but something about the $50 membership fee threw me for a loop.
Natually, when the midnite movie series lineup came out, this one was at the top of the list ... which isn't saying much when the others are Xanadu and Flesh Gordon. Sheesh, what does a guy have to do to get Rock & Roll High School played on a big screen? Anyways, the point is, I was pumped. It gradually ascended as I caught the trailer for the movie whilst at Buckaroo Banzai. It escalated when Jarimie informs us that Mark Pierson, the producer of the movie, contacts him about it to encourage Rocky types out to the movie. First off, great tie in, smart marketing, and a classy touch. Sure, I would have liked a personal phone call from Cassandra Peterson more, but who wouldn't? Yeah, I know she's over 50, but the curves are still in the right places.
Anyways, the Southpoint Rocky contingent is pretty whipped up to make it to this movie. I go an extra mile and bug a friend of mine to go, and almost got a second out there. Hey, for a recluse that lives in front of his dang PC all day, that's about all I got for ya. Nevertheless, I arrive to a throng of Southpoint Rocky types. J has the complete count, and I forgot to ask him for it, but my guesstimate is that half the crowd was Southpoint cast, regulars, and friends. I'm gonna make a lousy estimate at 20 of us and 20 others who made it out to the show. I totally suck at guessing attendance, though.
The insanity picks up as those of us who are accustomed to attending a movie in a lively state, enjoying ourselves openly before, during, and after said movie, and basically causing a lot of other disorderly behavior. Now we didn't exactly walk into the theater with pitchforks. Jim steps up to the front with a little (and I mean minimal) prodding to do a "preshow" of some sort. He really kinda lamed it up, I thought, but it was Jim ... who can question the artistry that is Jim? Nobody leaves the theater in tears, so all is well.
Then its about time to start the show. An usher of some sort takes to the front of the theater, mumbles a few inaudible words, and quickly exits the scene. We're sitting closest to the screen and we collectively cannot hear a damn thing he says. Jim (who, granted, has a killer stage voice) was clearly audible and this coming from someone who's been to a few too many Ted Nugent concerts. Anyways ... the point was the guy wasn't heard by ANYONE. We lob a few Rocky-esque taunts his way and think nothing of it. I think the worst thing that was said was by yours truly, when I heckled: "Worst Preshow Ever." Believe me, I've done far worse damage.
THEN comes the real fun ... the manager of the theater, John. John comes over and questions Uber & Jim in particular about the "unpleasantness." He mumbles and babbles in incoherent sentence fragments as Jim, myself, and Jarimie ALL are asking him what his point is. Something about the usher having his "feelings hurt?" Concern that we would be unruly during the show? Hell, I was sitting 3 feet from where he was standing and I picked up next to NONE of that conversation. What is it with these people and the mumbling.
SO THEN ... the movie starts. And what a movie it was. I only want to touch on one other assorted "issue" with Landmark River Oaks theater that occurred DURING the movie ... the aforementioned usher comes over to our section and minces words with fellow Southpointian, Uber. Now, what was Uber's offense? Hell, for once Uber was pretty tame all night long. TOTALLY CLASSLESS & UNPROFESSIONAL BEHAVIOR on the part of Landmark River Oaks staff. As much as I hate to play the "I used to work in ...." card, I'm playing it now reluctantly. I used to work in retail. Never, under any set of circumstances was it acceptable to approach a customer and threaten them or make them feel unsafe in my store. Ya know what would have happened to me had I done otherwise .... you got it, I would have been fired. Since when did Landmark River Oaks theater hire gangsters who need to settle their scores on being "dissed?"
OK, so the movie ... the movie was as campy as you would expect. If your one who relies on reviews for telling you what to see ... well, you should slap yourself silly for doing that. Sometimes the surprise isn't in NOT knowing what to expect, its when you know what to expect, and get a slightly different spin on it than what you were anticipating. Elvira does not break new ground in this movie. She pays homage to several of the greats of our time: Vincent Price, Roger Corman, Edgar Allan Poe, etc ... you get the idea. Put all that in a blender, add a healthy dose of modern comedic stylings, and you get Elvira. She fills a void that is sorely lacking in modern cinema ... the TRUE B-Movie! That's what this is, and to those who get that concept, this is a welcome addition.
With the inclusion of Richard O'Brien, this movie invites a lot of comparisons to Rocky in terms of B-Movie greatness. Its obviously not quite to that caliber, although this movie is BEGGING for an audience participation test run. Whatever has to happen to get this movie in Southpoint, it should be done. Much of the individual actors were either written to be a little too over-the-top or stereotypes to really say whether they were great or not, but the two that stole the show for me:
As for Elvira and O'Brien (and to his credit, Scott Atkinson), they all did bang-up jobs as well. Hopefully, this won't be the last we see of the Elvira genre. Heck, I might reconsider that $50 price if it comes down to a personal appearance by Elvira herself. Given her age, I have my doubts as to how long she can pull off the look, but this movie did a nice job of making the shapely vixen look several years younger. It might even be a little nice to see Peterson graduate her character in age a bit sooner or later. Hell, she'll still be worth the $7.50 ticket price at 75, so who am I kidding. I can just as easily see her in the same damn outfit then, trying to convince the world that its the same vamp who graced the screen in my teen years.
Guess I oughtta find some rating system to ackowledge the greatness contained in celluloid: Let's say it was 9 Interviews with a Vampire out of 10. How's that?
Oh, and Landmark River Oaks theater gets a Z- ... AGAIN!!!! The usher just gets the finger.
Well, I don't know whether to count myself among the stupidest or the luckiest 1% because of this. I check my email yesterday and realize that I'm set to recieve Death Sport via Netflix. Only one problem if you've read the item about my conquest of a local record convention: I just bought the VHS of it. Well, I spent a day mulling whether to watch the VHS version, save myself for the DVD, or do both and see if there's any perceptual differences.
Anyway, I give in to temptation last night, pop in the VHS ... and I get a flipping screen. I get a steady screen when I fast forward, ironically, but the tape never corrects itself. So after all that thought ... I'm back to square one ... waiting to see the damn movie all over again. It better be good, that's all I can say!
OK, I'm bored out of my skull and I need a break for my brain ... so here I am reviewing the 3rd of the 4 movies I bought over the weekend.
I'll be really brief about this one ... it sucked wind. I'm normally not a big stickler on technical details on films, but this one somehow managed to find a way to screw them all up in VERY noticable ways. Camera lighting ... crap. Basic acting skills ... crap. Soundtrack ... crap. Plot, storyline, screenplay ... zilch. Special effects ... don't even get me started. The real obscenity here is that this movie clocks in right at about an hour. The fact that there are enough open holes in the plot to drive a fleet of Mack trucks through would normally be forgiven in a slasher flick. Somehow, this one found a way to make them bigger more frequent, and more evident. This movie made absolutely no sense. NONE ... I challenge anyone to watch it and tell me what the basic premise is.
As for what was attempted, here's the bit: Three bad guys (bad, but they dress in suits .. no mafia connection hinted or anything like that ... see, makes no sense) are driving from the city through the rural midwest. The movie lays out a little bit about how bad these middle aged men are. They kill a guy who owes them money or something, then they terrorize a really ugly chick in a mom & pop store in the midst of their travel to .... um ... somewhere. They never really explained why these guys had to travel through the rural midwest. Was there a Part 1 that I missed??? Anyway, we encounter this really odd household with a really hot 70s chick who says all of two words in the movie, but she gives her grandfather a sponge bath (oh yeah, he's paralyzed ... but we don't know why). The movie does a fair bit to show how cold blooded this chick is in the manner in which she kills a chicken for dinner.
But when the three bad guys show up, the movie somehow finds a way to make less sense than what I already laid out
. The bad guys stop by, they walk in and verbally force their way in. One of the bad guys is having doubts about the whole "bad guy" thing. One tries to get jiggy with the chick by raping her (he's victim #1). The chick then reverts to her cold blooded side by whacking two of the three guys. The cops kill the one who was having doubts ... hell if I can remember why.
OK, so I'm beyond the point of being brief ... too bad. This movie could have really rocked had it had a little more detail thrown in. A backstory would have really been nice. For starters, make up some shit like the chick bumping off her parents or something. Make the bad guys a little more authentic and give them a reason for going to Podunk, OH to terrorize a random house of hicks. I really had high hopes for at least getting a mild chill from this movie. No such luck. Don't ever let it be said that all the slasher flicks from the 70s were cool ... they weren't.
Next up is Death Sport with David Carradine ... that one's gotta have some thrills in it. It better, anyway. I seriously need to scour Netflix to make sure they send me some quality stuff for a while now. I'm gonna need it to get over this crap.
Now, granted, there's too much made of this ... the guy did soft-core porn after all. Its not like he did anything involving a goat or a dog. Well, not that was taped, anyway. Still, its kinda funny, and worth a read for a quick giggle.
Porn Star on Survivor
Another worthless pile of crap accumulated on a VHS tape. What's interesting here, at least for me, is that in looking at IMDB, this movie took in something like $175,000. Yeah, that's gotta spell the end of a few careers. Nevertheless, there was one redeeming quality in this movie. It is based here in Houston. I first noticed it when there was a bus stop scene, and a Metro bus came pulling up. Pretty cool, if you ask me. For that, and that alone, its a keeper in my books. One other interesting side note ... the first vampire we meet in this movie is Gregory Peck's daughter. She's kinda hot, too. There were worse movies made than this. What really makes this one stink is the vampire angle. It seems like it wants to be a ripoff of American Werewolf, yet doesn't really go near that. The title is also very misleading since it assumes the narrative is from the friend .... when instead, its from the dude who's a vampire. Oh well, live and learn. This one wasn't all that terrible, but I can also see why it didn't even crack the million dollar mark in ticket sales.
This one should have been called Bad Idea instead. I looked around online for some variant reviews to see if there was any positive to take from this movie that I might have overlooked. No such luck. With as many great actors and actresses in this project, it somehow found a way to bomb miserably. Probably the most unusual thing of note was that Julie Kavner was in this. She played Rhoda's sister and does the voice of Marge Simpson. I always thought she was an underrated actress, but now when I watch this, I expect a cameo from Bart & Lisa, and Homer too. Such is life when your part of one of the most successful TV shows ever.Guttenberg and Haggerty really suck in this, but nowhere nearly as bad as the inexcusable flop that Alan Arkin does. I paid all of $2 for this video ... for a mere $1 I'll part ways with it.
Ah, complete with procurements in hand, I return semi-victorious from my jaunt at the Infinite Record Convention. Semi-victorious only because being schooled in the finer arts of music during that delightful decade of the 80s, one can't help but notice how out of fashion that era's music has become. Nevertheless, I did not come home empty-handed.
First item on the agenda ... scout the place out to get the lay of the land. Pretty easy as the room is fairly small and efficiently spaced. Just one lap around the room indicates that one side is strictly devoted to vinyl, one dealer has a large supply of out of print, first edition CDs, and a few others have somewhat ample supplies of various other CDs. Upon first glance, its obvious a few of these people are just shoppers such as myself, only on a larger scale. I made a killing when heavy metal died, record companies went belly-up, and the cutout bin was the best friend a metalhead ever had. Only prob was there, I could get a CD for $3 or less ... these people were charging $6-8 minimum. In any event, I had ample supply of discounted metal CDs on hand, so there was nothing that really warranted the expense.
Moving onward to the OOP vendor ... pretty interesting collection here. I walked in with a freshly dispensed $60 with the intent to maybe spend half of it. So what do I see first? An ultra-rare CD of Rough Cutt Wants You. Rough Cutt being one of my fave no-hit wonder metal bands of the 80s, this would normally be a no-brainer. Their first CD got the luxury of a posthumous re-release, but this second release of theirs was only released on CD once, and in Japan at that. So it was more than understandable that the price tag was a staggering $50. It pained me to leave it there. I so wanted to strike up a convo with the dealer and then point behind him and say: "Look, over there ... what's that?" ... and then run. If only it were that easy. There was a nice copy of Vandenberg's first release on CD for only $20 that I registered as my backup if I wanted to get something I needed in my collection.
Nevertheless, I left for cheaper pastures, inspecting other dealers. Landing back at the OOP dealer's table to inspect the regular issues, I found a few that caught my eye, and at an $8 price tag were far more justifiable for yours truly. among those of interest:
Of this list, Rainbow was the only given. I'm just the biggest Richie Blackmore freak this side of Yngwie Malmsteen. Death Alley Driver is one of my faves, and was also one of the first solos I mastered early in my guitar noodling era. Its got a nice classical riff in it (and by classical, I mean Bach, not BTO) that just drives me nuts when I hear it. Stone Cold is also on there for the more commercially-oriented moments I have in my music listening. Joe Lynn Turner was such a great fit for Blackmore. I dunno why they ever split. I do recall that when JLT hooked up with Yngwie Malmsteen, they turned out what I thought was Yngwie's best album ... yet he ended up hating the album. Such is fate, I suppose. 500 zillion people think Smoke on Water is a kick ass song, yet Blackmore refuses to play it on many nights. Damn tempermental artist-types.
Among the others, they all qualify as guilty pleasures. Samantha Fox, I had to eliminate early on. Seeing as to how she only had one hit and I wasn't all that into that particular song, I didn't see it as being worth a full $8. So we're now down to Krokus vs Bitch. Krokus has a place in my heart. Even though they weren't anything more than a Swiss version of "every-other-metal-band-of-the-era," they nevertheless opened for the first concert I saw at an arena: Sammy Hagar (on the VOA tour). Mark Storace is always going to be a highly underrated singer in my book. I like their stuff, but I don't go around saying how original they were. Bitch, I only recall vaguely from the 80s. Also not very original, they merely did what every other metal band did, but put a hot chick front and center and did a lot of songs that painted her as a slut. In this case, I opted for Bitch only because it was a release I could honestly call a rarity. Plus, I could pick up a copy of Krokus almost anytime on ebay. Bitch???? I dunno ... I think I made the right call.
Now, having gotten out of there cheap, I wander around to see what else catches my eye. One surefire thing that should draw people like flies to a table at such an event is the dealer that just sloshes all his inventory on top of a table (and shoves a few boxes on the floor) with no semblence of organization. These are the people that don't know the hidden treasures they contain, have the best deals, and generally are the most rewarding. Yes, you have to do some work. But more often than not, its worth it. In this case, the dealer was selling VHS tapes that he buys from video stores for dirt cheap. I'm not a big VHS fan, but jeez, when its the only media available for some of the crappy movies you recall as a child, where else are you gonna turn? There were lots of movies I could have left with. Of particular notice, I did see a VHS copy of The Care Bears Movie. I also saw a tape of Phyllis Diller's How to Conduct a Garage Sale. Both had their obvious charm. Yet, I left with the following:
So there ya have it. Under $30 for the whole day, too. Not bad.
Well, well, here we are, back in Rocky Review mode. Yes, I've taken some time off as I franticly catch up on some programming to make my hockey site all that it can be. Its almost there. I also found a nice little sim-Hockey game that quenches my stat-freak curiosity and I've since devoted a vast amount of time to that as well. Such is life.
Nevertheless, here we are on another sunrise of a Sunday cranking out more hate and venom. Ya gotta love that. I'll be brief about the show, since there were only a few shining moments. Jarimie literally running over Daniel was a welcome addition. Daniel's a bit too young and good looking to go through life without getting into a horribly disfiguring accident. Quite frankly, it can't happen soon enough as far as I'm concerned. Nevertheless, Daniel kicked ass as Brad. Kitty made her debut as Dr. Scott as well. Although I'm a big fan of Kitty's, I'm not sure this role did her justice. Seeing our resident goth-girl laughing and chuckling sorta takes away from that whole Kitty vibe. Nevertheless, one must always stretch their legs a little, so its a small price to pay. Rock on Kitty. Newcomer Brandi did a very good rendition of Columbia, as well. A few other notes to wrap up the show ... Carlos SUCKS. There, I said it. After being offered a grand total of $3.00 to take out the transducer in performing Eddie, he wussed out. Who else sucks? UBER, that's who! We had the stash up to $10 for Uber to head down to the stage during the dinner scene and strip. Uber was all tanked up and we had him right there on the verge of doing it. Where the hell else is Uber going to get money to stip? Damn, we were generous as all get out with the $10, too. Yet once again, Uber was all talk and no action. The callback corner of the theater rocked as Jim befuddled us all with his damn repitition of the Irish Bee crapola. I finally worked in my callback of telling Janet to "spell cum" while they are in the elevator after the Time Warp ... three people got it, none laughed. Phucktards. For some reason, I had Jim rolling when I yelled to clay: "Get off the stage you homo." I have no idea why that's funny ... I intended it only to raise the obvious questions about Clay's sexuality that even he doesn't know the answer to. Just a hint Clay ... answer is in the closet.
Yet, once again, the true entertainment of the evening happens after the show. While the crew gets suckered into cleaning up the theater, myself, Uber, and Jim challenge each other to the pain with various gags. Various jokes are levelled at the expense of others, and a good time is had by all. The old dude who wore fangs really seemed to get the most derision. It looked pathetic. Jim finally found the chick he was hitting on in the theater, yet didn't have the balls to hit on once she was surrounded by her security force. Over the course of the evening, I had to resign from the Jim Cahoun Fan Club several times, only to re-join once I saw the genius within, once again.
Onward we moved our merry bunch to Dixie's. The Kevin Smith wannabe was there ... what's up with that? Once we hit the menu, Jim and I discoursed on a variety of musical topics that I simply must save for another post today. Being close in age, Jim and I have more than a little overlap in musical tastes, and even where we diverge, we at least recall where the other came from due to knowing several others in our high school years who were in similar scenes. As for myself, I discoursed primarily about the 80s metal era, Jim covered more of the Rush/Pink Floyd spectrum. Jim also turned me onto the fact that there's a record convention at the hotel across the highway from me ... so I gotta check that out. Haven't been in a long ass time and I have so many CDs to round out my collection. What with metal no longer being in fashion, its my hope that I'll find a few worthwhile purchases there to make me happy for a little while. I gotta take a flyer on the Satriani concert in town today. I've seen him almost every time he hits Houston and by now, there's not a whole lot new that he's gonna do to impress me, above and beyond what he's already played a dozen or so times. Well, that and the fact that I'm a little budget-conscious for a while. Still saving a few spare pennies in hopes of getting my flat screen TV in September. Ah, to dream.
One of the few great cultural assets of Houston, that just doesn't get enough acclaim ... although they do sell out their club almost every time. I've been here maybe 4-5 times and thoroughly enjoyed it. Its not quite to the level of Second City Theater, but its a nicely kept little secret here in H-town. Read on ...
Hometown humor
Houston is fodder for wacky Radio Music Theater
By CLIFFORD PUGH
Aug. 17, 2002, 8:51PM
Copyright 2002 Houston Chronicle
A force five hurricane is bearing down on Houston's Driftwood subdivision, and city image makers are worried.
But in the offices of the Houston Smug campaign, chairman Aldine Bender and developer Allen Parkway are trying to put the best face on the situation with typical Bayou City optimism.
"Of course we build subdivisions on flood plains," an upbeat Parkway tells roving television reporter Sunny Barcelona. "That's all we have to build on."
Normally, hurricanes, floods, heavy traffic, rampant development and disease-carrying mosquitos are no laughing matter. But Steve and Vicki Farrell find a sliver of humor in everything about Houston.
For 25 years, the Farrells have made locals laugh. As the founders, owners and stars of Radio Music Theatre, they entertain audiences three nights a week with comedy revues that present a uniquely Houston point of view.
Their current show, The Story of Burford, Category 5!, features the unscrupulous real-estate developer Parkway, a Mattress Mac-type TV pitchman and the Spy Eye news team, which resembles certain Channel 13 anchors.
"This is such a broad, yee-haw, Yosemite Sam environment in some ways, and yet you can do very subtle and sophisticated humor here, and the audience appreciates it," said Steve, who writes the scripts and songs.
During the show, presented at a 180-seat club near Kirby Drive and the Southwest Freeway, t he Farrells and co-star Rich Mills portray dozens of characters, changing costumes frequently and swapping accents in a split second.
"It's never exactly the same two performances in a row," Steve said. "We largely stick to the game plan, but there's always room for the unusual twist."
Almost every major city has a long-running comedy revue that reveals something about its true nature. New York has Forbidden Broadway; San Francisco has Beach Blanket Babylon; Chicago has the famed Second City troupe; and Los Angeles has the Groundlings.
In Houston, Radio Music Theatre fills that niche.
When the Farrells arrived in 1972, they didn't expect to have a long career in one place. The couple, who hail from the Midwest, met on a showboat in Clinton, Iowa, in 1972. Steve worked as part of a comedy team with Mills, and Vickie was an actress in a revue.
A year later, Steve and Vicki married and joined Dudley Riggs' Brave New Workshop improvisational comedy troupe in Minneapolis. A fellow member, Paul Menzel, convinced them to move with him to Houston.
They formed the Comedy Workshop and performed revues at a former topless bar on the corner of San Felipe and Shepherd. In 1984 the Farrells decided they wanted their own place and founded Radio Music Theatre in one corner of a Heights restaurant.
They came up with the idea of a radio show with music and three actors portraying many characters. During the first show they held scripts, stood at microphones and performed their own sound effects.
When they moved into a space on lower Westheimer in 1985, they ditched the scripts, memorized all their lines and ran around the stage.
Even though they opened their new space just as the city's economy was tanking, they developed a loyal following, perhaps because in tough times people needed to laugh. One popular show, Hotter Than Houston!, centered on a man who dies in a car accident and is damned to Houston -- until he can earn his wings to heaven by reversing the city's sluggish economy.
By the time they moved to their current location on Colquitt in 1988, "We were starting to feel like the pendulum was swinging the other way," Steve said.
They hit the jackpot when Steve created the singing Fertle family, a wacky group from Dumpster, Texas, that includes a pathological liar named Lou who makes outrageous claims the family must then try to live up to.
The Fertles have become such audience favorites that Steve has featured them in 14 shows, including Rough Night at the Remo Room, which opens Sept. 5. Its plot revolves around the family's frantic attempts to create a Latin revue after Lou tells a club owner that they are an experienced singing team that "can do Charro."
Every year since 1985, the troupe has performed A Fertle Holiday, which focuses on the family's disastrous Christmas reunion. It has become a holiday favorite and continues to draw large audiences.
Although the Fertle family seems uniquely Texan, Steve based them on relatives in rural Iowa, occasionally switching genders to disguise identities.
"I think rural is rural, no matter where it is," he said.
The trio has lost count of how many performances it has given. The Farrells have appeared in every show; Mills bowed in 1992 after founding member Ken Polk left. Sound director Pat Southard and lighting director Mark Cain have been with the troupe since it was formed.
"It's a real family," said Vicki, who serves as business manager and den mother.
There are no understudies, so the show goes on even if a cast member is under the weather. Vicki performed several shows with an abscessed tooth "with my face swollen out to here," she recalled. "It's hard to get laughs when people are feeling sorry for you."
Once Steve performed with a sprained arm after a moped accident. He strummed his guitar by moving it up and down on his fingers.
Though frantic onstage, the Farrells are laid-back offstage. They live a quiet suburban life with a home in the FM 1960 area and two children verging on adulthood. Steve, who recently turned 50, credits his kids with keeping him current.
"I have a fairly good working knowledge of hip-hop, the club scene and college life that I wouldn't have if it were not for the kids," he said.
He keeps a tape recorder by his bed in case he comes up with an idea for a comedy sketch in the middle of the night. Sometimes he is in the shower when an idea strikes and yells for Vicki to bring the recorder and hold it nearby so he can sing potential lyrics into it.
"You never know where inspiration will hit," he said.
Because they work and live together, the couple, who have been married for 29 years, are rarely apart. "But it works for us," said Vicki, 51. "We never get tired of each other."
"I suppose when one of us dies," said Steve, "the other will just fall off the perch, and that will be it."
"They just get on everyone else's nerves," Mills said, laughing.
Vicki said RMT is successful because "we have fun onstage, and the audience can see that." Audiences identify with the characters because they are believable, even if they are a little over the top, she added.
Over the years, they received offers to take their act on the road. Steve did some short films for Saturday Night Live in 1986, and they have taken shows to an off-Broadway New York theater a couple of times, but they never seriously considered leaving Houston.
They say they don't want to live out of a suitcase. They've always believed in spending a lot of time with their kids. They enjoy being their own bosses. And they relish having the theater as their own special club.
"When you're involved with other owners or apply for government (arts) grants, all the club aspect goes away, because you have to open the doors and let them in," Steve said. "We really like that we're the only ones who can come here and play, except for the customers, who come during official playtimes."
When will playtime end?
"When people stop coming," Mills said.
In my neverending quest to see a better Rocky performance, here's a few ideas ...%%%1. Tank Jim up on a dozen Irish coffees and send him up front to do a preshow in whatever fashion he is now fit to do so. The combined effect of alcohol and caffeine is sure to play havoc with Jim's internal system and/or thought process. I don't see how anything that isn't funny could result. Jim just meandering around the front of the audience, swearing, threatening, and crying ... it'd be hilarious.
2. Jim performing as the affable Chris Farley character, Matt Foley. We've tested this ... Jim does a dead-on Matt Foley. We'd need some pillows or something to stuff him with, but personally, I think this would be the funniest damned thing on earth.
3. Uber's Kaufman-esque tribute. Give Uber a bag of Cheetos, send him to the front of the stage, zap the house lights, beam the spot on him ... and then watch Uber proceed to eat the entire bag of Cheetos ... and then he rolls over and goes to sleep. Stay with me on this one ... HE STAY'S ASLEEP THE WHOLE SHOW (not unlike some of the audience, no doubt). The cast must perform around him. Nobody is to harm Uber in any way shape or form ... don't even tickle him ... just leave him be. Sure, this is a bit abstract and conceptual, and 90% of the crowd/cast won't understand it one bit. I, however, place myself firmly in the 10% that will and say this is a must.
4. Pinata Preshow. What would happen if you give audience members a blindfold, a Louisville Slugger, and a pinata? Well I for one, would like to find out. Yes, I'm hoping to see someone get legitimately injured here. Does that make me a bad person?
5. Grease Preshow. As school is set to start back up now, what better way to celebrate the end of summer than with the premiere end-of-summer movie. Have the whole cast do Rocky in 50s garb, do Summer Lovin as a preshow ... what the hell.
Can't hurt.
6. No Preshow ... hey, its worth a shot.