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Creed: The Next Guns N Roses

Unreal that someone would actually want to top Axl Rose's untarnished image as the worst musical performer ever:

Chicago Tribune: Creed - Reader Reviews

Metal Sludge

The Vacation Game

OK, I'm looking for some input on this. I got this spark of an idea last night about what I feel would be the coolest Christmas gift exchange concept if money were no object. Think about it, you and whoever you're exchanging gifts with already have everything you could possibly want. So what else is there?

Here's what: everyone loves a challenge, or at least that's the theory I'm beholden to. Have each contestant pick as barren and desolate place on the map as possible (I tend to prefer a US-only version, but the location limitation is debatable), and then, by some method, the locations picked are assigned to participants. The task is to FIND what it is about that desolate hell hole that somebody picked and make it interesting. You could convene after all the vacations are completed and have a massive game of show & tell. Whoever does the best job of presenting their find is declared the winner. And whatever prize one makes out of the whole shabang, then they get said prize.

The possible logistics of the idea are entertaining, though. At the site selection stage of the ceremony, you don't know who you're picking for. It might be someone you hate, someone you love, it could even be yourself. So you try not to be too cruel, but mostly objective about the whole thing. I'm sure there's a cruelty angle that could be added (for instance - you DO know who you're picking for), but I kinda like the objective idea ... there's that possibility that your own ill conceived choice could bite you in the ass.

So then you get assigned to each location randomly, then at some point in the near future, you're off to explore that one, two, or a few county region. Large metropolises are ruled ineligible (say, black out the top 250 most populous counties or so). You've now got to sell this desolate area to your fellow competitors (to be sure, a conflict of interest, so choose competitors wisely).

I decided to test my idea last night and I came up with the southwest corner of Idaho. There were no major highways, it looked pretty bleak. I came up with a fully contained county in Idaho to use as the geographical boundaries: Owyhee county.

Owyhee county has a population of 11,008 covering 7678 square miles south of Boise. One oddity in the census info is that it has a 23% Hispanic population. On paper, there doesn't seem to be much there.

Upon digging more and more into this little nook on the map, I can see how a week would be well spent, though. It would definitely be a lot of time spent getting some nature shots with a camera.

One thing I did look into was what existed slightly outside of Owyhee county, and found an even better option just south of there: Elko county Nevada. Lots more ghost towns, even a sizable casino region (Wendover is included here). Bing Crosby used to vacation here and was even awarded a Levi's Denim Tuxedo ... which is proudly on display at the local museum.

It just goes to show you that there's a story everywhere and there's something to see everywhere. Frankly, I say the idea is ripe for a reality TV show, although there would have to be some adaptations. But the limitation to what one person could do with this idea is pretty inhibiting. Curious to see what ideas generate from the peanut gallery that might enhance the gaming efforts of this notion. Also, while we're at it, what desolate area would you send someone (possibly yourself) to make it as difficult as possible for them to return with a salable enough story about their journey? Remember, the idea is competitive in nature, so don't tell me how you'd like to go to Disneyland. Dammit ... read the rules!

Damn Fark

retroCRUSH

Why does FARK continually mock my heritage by including links such as this?

Rocky Year In Review

I feel like doing something a little different this time around. Its the end of the year, and I'm feeling a little on the less-than-grumpy side. So here's the year end awards ceremony, if you will. Sure, its only one person's opinion ... so what, it gets read anyway.

Its been a rather eventful year for Rocky in Houston. The Sadistic Pleasures relocated a few miles further south after Southpoint theater underwent an ownership change. The THEM cast celebrates their anniversary in January. So let's get with those awards. I'll start with the small stuff and build up to the two big ones at the end. Feel free to disagree ... its only one person's opinion. Nevermind that I've apparently been the source of more wars than William Randolph Hearst.

2002 Best Frank - David Z - the Outback performance sealed this one. Any Frank not afraid to have two photographers take pics of his crotch ... that says a lot.

2002 Best Brad - Daniel - still new at the role, and shows signs of inconsistency at other roles. This one, however, he was born to play. A great look for the role, he adds great personality to the role as well.

2002 Best Janet - Kassi - there's a lot of close seconds here, but Kassi is too consistent, too accurate, to cute, and too inventive with the role to really have anyone else win this one.

2002 Best Riff - Jim - when focused, there are simply none better. It should be noted that I still have not seen Jim's Frank, so I am not able to dethrone the mighty David Z from his award. Jim can cover a slew of roles with amazing skill and accuracy. If there's a better amateur actor in the city of Houston, I say its time to pony up with the proof.

2002 Best Magenta - (tie) Stephanie & Mel - As if to prove that the best performers at certain roles do not perform enough, Steph has been in and out of the performing business over the course of this year. She still earns a share of the title based on a smattering of appearances. Mel earns hers by consistently improving on this role and leaving me just downright impressed the last time I was at Webster. Progress like that simply has to be noted.

2002 Best Columbia - (tie) Kassi & Jessie - yes, another tie. Kassi's done this longer and has consistently aced the role. Jessie is a relative newcomer to THEM, but has quickly mastered the role to perfection.

2002 Best Rocky - David Z - there are several that play this role well. There are none that leave you laughing as hard. People want to go to Rocky to enjoy themselves ... David never disappoints in this role.

2002 Best Eddie - Uber - this was won a long long time ago, when Uber first whipped out the maracas. He's not looked back since, even though he now sits in retirement.

2002 Best Dr. Scott - Johnathan - the man simply has a patent on the role. A perfect combination of screen accurate looks, some hilarious add-ons to the role, and a great character performance. So many take this role and fade into the background (or get replaced by a wet floor sign) ... Johnathan serves as an example of how to entertain with the role.

2002 Best Crim - Pete - Again, proving that one can be damned entertaining with a relatively minor role, Pete has basically MADE a show from this role before. The Sadistic Pleasures have been blessed with a roster full of great Crims: Johnny Foster, John A, Pete, Kassi, Uber ... not a one of them is wanting for performance ability and a case could be made for all of them at this role. I opt for the epileptic one. Granted, its a judgement call.

2002 Best Trixie - Kitty - always provocative, always entertaining. Whether fully clothed or not, Kitty is by far the most creative Trixie seen yet in Rocky.

So there ... now that I've offended 4/5ths of the entire casts of THEM and SP, here's the big awards ... the Best Performers of Both Casts ... one each from each cast. Not hard to figure out how that works. Keep in mind its all subjective, so if your feelings are hurt, go cry to someone else.

Best Sadistic Pleasure - David Z
Versatility, talent, and willingness to perform week in week out all add up to this one. The fact that David plays the best Brad in the business yet plays it so infrequently is a testament to his versatility. He is by far the most hyperactive Frank and Rocky. He can even play a mean Riff. His Morganna/Trixie routine is classic. Just go flip through your thesaurus, locate the word "Good" and every word synonymous will apply here.

Best THEM - Jessie
I'm reminded of the book, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn everytime I see Jessie perform. The most recent performance as Columbia sealed the deal. She's dead on with the role, she's adding her own personality to the role, and she actually performs the movie. Find ten more like this, and you've suddenly got one hell of a cast.

Ratt & Ramones Members Remembers

The Ratt Trap

Wow ... did I just read an article in the New York Times about the parallels of Dee Dee Ramone and Robin Crosby of Ratt? Who would have guessed that when Metallica was bypassed for a Grammy that they so richly deserved in 1991 that over a decade later, the genre of heavy metal would get the grand treatment it so very much deserved in the paper of record?

The author of the peice, Chuck Klosterman, actually wrote a hell of a book: Fargo Rock City, which is basically the story of my sad adolescense and the importance of a variety of heavy metal bands.

Still, a great article that captures much of that which is good and bad (all at the same time) about heavy metal.

Movie Review: Dr. Strangelove

Hmm, this is gonna be harder than I thought ... I nodded off for about 10-15 minutes in the middle of the movie. I'm sure there's a statement to be made about the film's awkward pacing in there, but there's likely as much to be said about an old man up way past his bedtime, so I'll leave it alone.

The film is strange as hell. That's about the biggest summation I can offer. Its a satirical look at the cold war and the various actors within. From the vantagepoint of history, its actually a pretty damn good satire, to boot. Peter Sellars makes the movie, IMO. I particularly like the President ... who does indeed bear a striking resemblence to Adlai Stevenson in both appearance and tone. The Dr. Strangelove character is the one that befuddled me most of the night though. It got incredibly more and more hilarious as the movie progressed, though.

Dunno how much more I can really add ... you just have to watch it to get it. Normally, I'd say that makes me one piss-poor movie reviewer, but in looking back at the other reviews of it, I now realize they aren't much better and gave me about as little foresite as to what was about to render me asleep for brief time. But hey, the good news is, you can nod off for a spell during the movie and still not really lose any meaning.

Movie Review: Sleepaway Camp 3 & 4

So here I am, limping over the finish line on this sordid little trilogy+1. Part 3 was rancid. The Angela character gets better looking in each movie (well, part 2's was more of a dyke actually, but still ... she was legal). The only good thing I can say about part 3 is that there's nudity within the first minute of the movie. There's no slutty camper, like part 2, although this one is more sexually suggestive than the others. Ironic, ain't it? All in all, this one is just a tease. There's not a whole lot to really say about it.

Part "4" is really just a series of outtakes from the preproduction of the next film before it got the plug pulled on it. The female lead in it is just downright hot. Its a shame they didn't make it for that reason alone, but had they done so, I'm sure I'd be crying about how godawful the film is ... much as I am now about part 3.

I gave up about 25 minutes into part 4 (its only about 34 minutes long) ... I decided I was better off watching the slutty camper scenes from part 2. Valerie Hartman, who played Ally, the slutty camper, just doesn't get enough quality parts in the movie biz. I've gotta admit her skills are outstanding and she deserves better. Man, she was really hot in that movie.

All in all, its still worth suffering through in order to say you've seen it all. I've now got a pile of movies from Netflix to work my way through today and tomorrow. Also got two Steve Martin movies ... things are suddenly looking up.

Coming Saturday ...

The chilling conclusion to the 3.5 part series on Sleepaway Camp.

... course that would be after the full effects of watching Dr. Strangelove kick in.

Movie Preview: Dr. Strangelove

I gotta admit, part of the charm of the Midnight Movie series is getting ahold of those movies that you know of, but maybe haven't seen. For me, that would be tonight's feature: Dr. Strangelove. So on that note, here's a list of links to get anyone in the mood for the movie:

Dr. Strangelove, Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb (1964)
Teaching with Movies: Dr. Strangelove
Dr. Strangelove: Trivia & Insights
Something only Pete could enjoy ... and possibly Uber.
Good ol fashioned IMDB link

Dennis DeYoung? How Did He Get In The News?

HoustonChronicle.com - After Styx, DeYoung has to sail away on his own

Ya know what, just give him a baby to dangle over a ledge and a really crappy plastic surgery job, and he's pretty much just like Michael Jackson ... well, minus a few million in record sales.

Movie Review: Sleepaway Camp II

Finally, something that puts the camp in summer camp movies. This movie is somewhat better than the original, IMO. That's not saying much, though. No creepy aunt/mom character. So that's a negative. Where there is a marked improvement is in the amount of nudity and sex portrayed in this version.

Premise is simple: One of the camp counselors has a certain way of dealing with the various miscreants on her campgound ... she kills em. The big shock at the end is that the camp counselor is the same Angela from the original (different actress, so its not readily apparent). The death scenes are far better in this movie, although there's a reprisal of a death-by-bees scene in here. Even though I've now given away the ending, it really doesn't matter because the nudity and gore will keep you enthralled. It helps that the really slutty camper doesn't get killed early on. She gets around.

I'm gonna keep this short ... I need to learn which chapters those are so I can watch them over and over and over again.

Oh yeah, one other note here ... the heavy metal music in this movie is far superior to anything other than Nightmare on Elm Street: Dream Warrior (which was a really cool song by Dokken). This one has one of my fave indie metal tunes by a band called Hurricane. Two of the band members were brothers of more famous musicians in Quiet Riot.

Movie Review: Sleepaway Camp

Wow, does this movie suck. There are not enough words of invective to hurl at this movie to do it justice. Yet, its so bad, that you're compelled to watch it ... hell, you cannot take your eyes off the screen. You hope it gets better, but it just doesn't.

The idea is simple ... backstory begins with some boaters enjoying themselves, some teenage punks get out of hand and accidentally run over 2/3 of a family (dad and one kid killed ... one kid survives). Cut to the present and there is ONE DERANGED MOM sending two kids off to camp for the summer. Turns out one of the kids is the surviving daughter (Angela) of that accident. She's quiet as all hell ... but DAMN, that mom is messed up in the head. The scene winds down with the kids getting themselves for camp, but I mean that mom is SERIOUSLY on drugs or something. Damn, that was one messed up mom.

Kids eventually escape to camp. Angela is effectively a mute. Her brother sticks up for her. The fellow chick campers are all bitches. The camp counselor, Meg, in addition to being a real hottie, is the biggest bitch in the world. On the male side, there's this one guy who tries to hit on Angela and even gets her to start emitting words.

People continually pick on Angela, the cook at the camp even tries to get her alone in the kitchen for a little adventure. He's the first to die, courtesy of a very tall, very full stock pot full of boiling water. Fill in the blanks ... you can see how that one ends up. The camp owner is a very protective type ... protective of his camp. So whenever someone dies, it becomes a test to see how well it can be covered up.

Kids just get killed one by one in this flick. It's all fairly predictable. The only real question is who's doing the killing. You think its Angela, or maybe her overprotective brother ... or maybe that kid who wants to get with her. Or ... who knows ... maybe its the camp owner. In the end, its Angela. But there's a little extra surprise in all of this. Angela is a dude. Betchya didn't see that one coming, did ya?

Apparently, when she kills her ... er, his ... love interest, she stands up screaming at the witnesses and she ... er, he ... is left standing on full display in a full Crying Game moment. It's all very odd. I know its supposed to be scary, but its not really.

Overall, this is the kind of horror movie you watch to make fun of. There's ample opportunity. The final scene has an explanation of how the whole he-she thing happened. I'll not spoil it, but let's just say it has something to do with that screwed up mom ... boy was she messed up or what?

Movie Review: Billy Jack

Well, I'm still watching this thing, but I know right now I cannot top the reviews written on these two sites:

Movie Review: Muppets Take Manhattan

I can't believe I had forgotten perhaps the major reason that this movie was so damn good: The introduction of the Muppet Babies. And to boot, they are live action muppets in the movie, not the inferior cartoon version that would populate our televisions many moons ago. I simply could not stop bobbing my head to the tune they performed.

Now, that aside, this movie is a clear representation of where the Muppets went downhill. Compare the star cameos of the first Muppet Movie to that of this movie: Elliot Gould, Art Carney, Gergory Hines, and Dabney Coleman. Awe inspiring, is it not? Really makes you forget about Orson Wells and Bob Hope. Sandra Bernhard does make a cameo, and while not the hottest thing under the sun, is still an acceptable veiwing pleasure in her younger form. Jenny, the primary female support cast, is also a hotty worth watching.

The supporting cast is decidedly younger, and hence the downward age appeal of the Muppet genre is in effect. The movie's premise is that Kermit's performance troupe decides to take their act to Broadway, but meets with immediate yawns. The gang disbands across the US, Kermit gets a lucky break that lands them a shot at Broadway. With the task at hand now to get the Muppet gang back together again, Kermit is struck by a truck, suffers from amnesia, and is MIA with only two weeks to go before they take the stage. The cast tries to locate him, but Kermit ends up with an ad agency run entirely by fellow frogs. Yes, I know ... it makes no sense. The Muppets take to the street, yelling "Kermit!" in the hopes of finding their wayward leader. Yes, I know ... it makes no sense.

Opening night arrives with still no Kermit. Kermit arrives at a local eatery with his newfound ad execs in tow for lunch. Its the same restaurant that the gang is wallowing in pity at ... you can fill in the blanks from there. There's no extreme plot twist that will really shock anyone over the age of three. Its still cute, its still enjoyable, and it still have enough Statler & Waldorf to make it a smash hit.

Movie Review: About Schmidt

OK, I 'm mostly healed from visions of Kathy Bates' nude scene, so I think I'm as good as I'll ever be to review this movie. In telling a friend I was going to see the movie, he had said that he was hoping to see it soon himself ... he liked Jack Nicholson movies. I kinda held my breath because everything I had read about this flick indicated that it was not exactly the prototypical Jack Nicholson flick. My viewing of the movie confirmed that. It's still good, and Jack does a bang up job with his character, Warren Schmidt. But don't expect him to blurt out some "Here's Johnny!" type of line. It's a very subdued, slow paced movie.

Before we get into the movie itself, there is one issue I have to ponder here. Warren Schmidt is a 66 year old midwestern man who is being forced to retire. Nicholson himself is fairly close in age to the character, so he himself is not a real stretch. But his wife in the movie, played by June Squibb (only a few years older than Jack in reality) is visibly much older. Yet, in 1980, his wife was ably played by Shelley Duvall (something like a decade younger, and with far more attractiveness, albeit in a very geeky style). So where did Jack's career go wrong that he can't play opposite women 10-15 years younger? I mean hell, he's dating the hottie from MIBII!!!

Anyways, I digress. The wife is offed very quickly in the movie, so its a minor point. The jist is as follows: Schmidt punches out of work for the last time as the movie opens. Its apparent early on that he now suffers from the realization that his life may be worth absolutely nothing. His young buck of a replacement at the office has no need for him to provide any further help. His archives are seen outside, as if waiting to be carted away, out of sight, out of mind. When the wife is buried, we get our first hint at symbolism with a cattle trailer being hosed down behind the ceremony. We see another cattle trailer later on, only full of cattle, awaiting slaughter, driving alongside of Warren as he journeys about the midwest in search of some meaning to his life.

Warren is a pretty sad, empty vessel of a man. By most measures, he's had a good run, being a successful, reliable employee with the same insurance company for numerous years, married to the same woman for about as long, and they've even cranked out a daughter who's about to get married. He's got a nice house, even bought a Winnebago to tour around in after retiring. But something is still seen missing in Warren's life. He doesn't know who his wife is, he doesn't really have a close relationship with his daughter, and he's basically left to feel as if he's done nothing good with his life.

Upon watching a TV commercial for one of those charity programs where you save a kid for mere pennies a day, Jack phones in and decides to enrich his life a little this way. When he gets his information packet, he follows the suggestion to include a note to the child in addition to the payment. The child, in this case, is the unseen Ndugu, a 6 year old Tanzanian child. Well, we see a picture of him that Warren recieves in the mail, but that's it. The real narrative of the movie ... the peek into Warren's psyche is seen in his letters to Ndugu. The timing of the voiceovers is about as funny as Warren's assumption that a 6 year old, starving Tanzanian kid will have the same cultural vantage point as himself.

The scenes unfold as Warren comes to terms with being alone. His daughter returns from Colorado to help with the funeral, but when she leaves, we see the results of Warren being on his own for two weeks by way of his being left in a now filthy house with nothing left in the kitchen save for a single taco shell. Warren then takes it upon himself to hit the road to spend more time with his daughter. One problem ... his daughter has no interest in him being around more than necessary. Warren is no fan of her fiance and his efforts to have her rethink the wedding cover everything from subtle to blatant.

When Warren is told he doesn't need to be around ASAP, he decides to detour to his childhood home, his college, and a few other points of interest. The childhood home is replaced with a tire store. The college is now filled with disinterested young punks, not unlike the one who relpaced him at work, not unlike the one stealing his daughter away from him. Suffice it to say, its a very disillusioning journey for Warren.

By the time he hits Colorado to stay with his future in-laws, things look up somewhat. It proves temporary as Warren is freaked out by Kathy Bates on more than a few levels. Seeing Warren adjust to sleeping in his future son-in-law's waterbed is a scene worth remembering. I won't spoil it, but its probably one of the best generation gap scenes I've seen in a while. The son-in-law-to-be, it should be noted is pretty much based on the "Bill", from Bill & Ted fame. He's about as vacuous, and even manages to use the word "stoked" in a sentence.

By the time the wedding hits and we see Warren giving a speech afterwards, he at least seems to come to grasp with his fate. Its not a really uplifting moment, its not truly a depressing assessment either. It leans towards cynical, but yet still poignant. I'm not in the mood to really spoil much in the movie, although the premise is somewhat predictable. There are still enough twists and unusual elements in the movie to make it original.

The movie should be in general release within a week or two, so if you're not quite in the mood for seeing stuff blow up, or cars that go really fast, or films based on overly-pretentious and overly-wordy books that somehow made you come across as "smart" if you claimed to have read them all ... well then, watch this. Its a change of pace, to be sure. But its entertaining and worthwhile viewing.

Movie Review: Muppet Movie

I had tried to do a review of this movie earlier, but not being in the best physical condition, it was a bit difficult. Not so now. So here goes ....

This movie is the penultimate display of the Muppet genre. From the original glimpse of Kermit on a bike to the final glimpse of Animal telling everyone to go home. It's just solid writing, solid performing, and time well spent in front of the television to partake of this Muppet genius.

To the 5 people who have never seen this, the premise is that Kermit is on a journey to Hollywood to be rich and famous and bring enjoyment to millions of people. Along the way, he hooks up with Fozzie, Gonzo, and Ms. Piggy in addition to stumbling across the rest of the Muppet gang in a variety of settings. Superstar cameos abound, with the highlights probably being Bob Hope, Orson Wells, Richard Pryor, & Steve Martin (note: I do not count Dom Deluise as a "star").

Interesting note here ... the inclusion of Richard Pryor in this movie contrasted to the more recent exclusion of rapper Snoop Dogg in the latest Chrstmas special. Thoughts???

The story is simple and somewhat innocent. Running gags abound in the movie ("That's a myth!") and the casting seems targetted at making the movie appeal to adults. The later movies (I'm beginning Muppets Take Manhattan as I write) begin to aim for a younger audience, culminating with Muppets From Space, which could only be enjoyable by the most inane of children.

Anyhoo .... what really can be said about this that hasn't been covered in the almost decade since its release? Not much that I can really think of, at least. If you've not seen this movie yet and consider the entire Muppet genre beneath you, you probably deserve to be run over by a beer truck.

Oh ... and Merry Christmas!

Partial Movie Review: About Schmidt

I want to write more about this movie because it's a very good, mildly funny movie. But there's 4 words of warning I feel compelled to offer anyone contemplating seeing this:

Kathy Bates Nude Scene

When I recover from that, I'll post more.

For Any Blues Fans

GreenvilleOnline.com - Entertainment

I saw the book Music Makers on my last stop at Barnes & Noble. It looked rather appealling, covering some of the unheralded, unknown blues legends presently toiling in places where the blues really exist. I turned the pages, hoping to find more than a few Mississippi representatives, but the book was far more representative of the southeast, so I passed on it. There were a few sections on musicians from Clarksdale (I grew up to the south of there in Indianola & Sunflower) and thereabouts, but not enough to warrant a purchase on my part.

After stumbling onto this article, I noticed that a NC radio station will be replaying a benefit concert on Christmas day (noon-3:30 EST) with some of the artists listed, though. Looks pretty cool, so if I can squeeze some time between slasher flicks, Muppet flicks, and Billy Jack, it could be worthwhile.

Addendum: Hmm, that radio station is also airing a Best of Frank Zappa on Friday at noon.

Clash Leader Strummer Dies

BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Music | Clash star Strummer dies

I don't claim to be the world's biggest fan of The Clash, so maybe this isn't a black armband moment for me, but still a momentary pause to be had on my side for recognizing one of the greats pass on.

It's a DVD Christmas

So I get more DVDs for Christmas presents ...

The Muppet Movie
The Muppets Take Manhattan

I just added up the total run time on the trilogy I got from Uber, the three movies I bought for myself, and these two ... it comes to about 800+ minutes. I was planning on watching the Sleepaway trilogy over Christmas Day. Still do. But now do I add in a mix of Billy Jack, or do I go for the Steve Martin double-pack, or the Muppet Twofer?

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

UPDATE: Well, if things go according to plan, there's a possibility that you'll see a ton of movie reviews up here over Christmas. I definitely plan on hitting River Oaks theater to see About Schmidt. Something about a frumpy old man alone in the world with his bitterness as his only acquaintance that just speaks to me for some reason. If I finagle things just so, I can even work in all of the DVDs I've gotten thus far. Its a challenge, but quite frankly, I'm just man enough to sit on my butt all damn day and work my way through em. Curious if I should start a telethon for this. Maybe take pledges, etc....

Coming This Christmas

Sleepaway Camp Trilogy

Courtesy of a wise selection of a Christmas present by Uber ... I will be reviewing this entire trilogy (plus 34 minute part IV). Don't say you weren't warned.

I Paid For This Crap?

OK, here's something that really burns my ass. I was at the local AMC googleplex today to see the latest installment in the Star Trek series, and got truly pissed off at the NCN Pre-show countdown. If you've never been to an AMC, then let me enlighten you as to what this miracle of modern advertising is. It's 7-10 minutes of COMMERCIALS! Oh true, some of them are lightly disguised, but they are freaking commercials. Some of them are truly stupid, too. Now, to cap this off, we have trailers, which are just more commercials for upcoming movies. I used to really look forward to trailers. But ever since about 1999, I haven't seen a trailer in the theater that I hadn't already seen online somehow. Most of the trailers I see in the theater are for the crap films that I wouldn't waste my bandwidth downloading, and so that just serves to annoy the hell out of me even more. Today, 2.5 minutes of my life were wasted watching a trailer for Kangaroo Jack. If it were 30 seconds longer, I probably would have slit my wrists.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't one of the reasons for going to the theater is to be able to watch a movie uninterrupted? Oh, you can reason that these commercials are not interrupting anything, and that since they are at the beginning of the show that they are harmless. Once upon a time, I used to go to the movies, see the Will Rodger's Institute fundraising commercial, see 2 trailers and we're into the movie in less than 10 minutes. Now, the preshow "entertainment" can last anywhere from 20 to 35 minutes (I've timed it, Spider-Man last year). When did movies become so complex?

So, I do a little investigating. The National Cinema Network is responsible for this monstrosity. Looking at their website you can see the quote "Reach up to 54 million captive consumers monthly". And if you look at their fact sheet site you will see all the different little ways that they are subversively invading the moviegoing population's subconscious. These people are truly one step away from backwards subliminal messaging in the movies, I tell you. And they are EVIL!

So anyway, that's my little bit of research for the week. I got my jollies just mocking the "entertainment". I feel a small moral victory when people don't tell me to shut up when I'm talking over the commercials at the beginning of the show. After all, do you sit quietly and listen to the commercials when you're in your home? If you do, you're a sad sad individual.

Movie Review: A Christmas Story

Now I remember what it was I truly hated about this movie ... about 60% of it is devoted to voiceovers, ala The Wonder Years. I truly, utterly, and in all ways DESPISE that. It works in small doses, ala Princess Bride. It worked in The Wonder Years because back then it was the only show to really incorporate it as a regular theme. Plus it was a well written show masterfully targeted at a certain age segment.

But nevermind that for a moment. I wish to point out that this movie is the most blatant peice of rightwing agit-prop that ever surfaced on celluloid. The whole basic story is that a kid wants a gun. A NINE YEAR OLD KID! His mission over the Christmas buildup is to pester his parents for same. He goes so far as to insert propagana into his mom's reading material in order to accomplish this goal. He incites a rucus with a Department Store Santa in order to reiterate his strong pro-gun sentiments. And when its all said and done, he really does shoot his eye out, which is what EVERYONE (save for Dad) has been telling him. And to top it all off, in Ralph's gun-fantasy sequence, who do you think dies first? Mmm Hmm ... the black guy. How stereotypical.

Violence is the theme of the entire movie, of course. On top of Ralph's desiring of a gun, he whomps all over the local bully. A fact which gets glossed over by his parents, nevermind that they expressed outrage when Ralph uttered an F-bomb and blamed one of his friends for teaching him that word. The hypocrisy is rampant in this screed of a film. I'm sure Richard Mellon Scaife is behind this in some form or another. I'll save that witchhunt for someone else, though.

Seriously, though ... this movie is cute, but it blows. That's good enough for prom night, but not a Christmas movie. Maybe its designed to target a younger, far less cynical audience. If it is, then the time period of the movie is a little perplexing. My hunch is that it was designed to make adults reminisce for a more innocent time in their own lives ... apparently so innocent that they NEEDED GUNS! But innocent nevertheless. Its not quite a coming of age movie, cuz Ralphie is only 9. So the movie really gets lost in the middle of a lot of genres. I still think its mediocre as far as movies go. The fact that Peter Billingsly followed on the success of this movie by starring in The Hoboken Chicken Emergency really speaks volumes on the careers this movie wasted.

Since there is an apparent need for a more extensive list of Christmas movies in the hope of playing something better than this (and I'll reserve Its a Wonderful Life) as a pre-weekend charity thing. But that one, clearly, is the far superior frontrunner of Christmas movies. Here's a few ideas for replacements, though:

A Non-Movie Review?

I've had the DVD for the first Pee Wee Herman movie from Netflix for about a week now, and still haven't watched it.

I got it with the intention of going straight to the commentary since the movie is really simple and easy enough to follow along with. I played about 5 minutes of it before realizing how truly disconcerting it was that Paul Reuben's voice is NOTHING like Pee Wee Herman's. It bugged me a little, I knew I wouldn't be able to watch it while sitting in front of my PC, so I stopped it and put in something else.

I'll spare you all a review of Tommy Boy, though. I make no promises on Billy Jack, though.

Belated Movie Review: It's a Wonderful Life

First things first ... everyone knows what the movie is, right? You've all seen in the requisite million times, can recite portions of the script on demand, and all that? Good, let's move on then.

Biggest thing to really note here is how cool it is to have a night where you get a free movie for donating a toy. Granted, I spent more on the toy than I would have for a ticket, but its that cool vibe you get from doing something good, knowing that somewhere out there in the world, a little kid is opening up the Etch a Sketch I donated and eating the contents inside of it.

I need to fast forward to the part where AmyBeth, the manager of Landmark theaters in Houston, announces that every year they ask for requests on which movie people want to see and it comes down to this movie or A Christmas Story. I ruffle my eyebrow at that second option. I've seen it all of once and quite honestly, I'm not at all impressed with it. Granted, I'll be there tonite to see it, but still. That's more out of a need for Christmas movies than anything else. I do not have cable and they've long since moved all my fave Christmas films of the 60s & 70s to cable channels and about all I'm left with is that damn cartoon with Drew Barrymore. I'm sorry, but of the many things Drew Barrymore represents to me, the freakin holiday spirit is not one of them. When I want a table dance, ala David Letterman, I'll put in a call to Drew's agent. When I want to see Charlie's Angels XII, I know Drew will be producing it. But I do not go to her for my fill of holiday cheer.

Where was I? ... oh yeah ... I would think you could run a better movie than A Christmas Story, but I'm too lazy to think up a better one for now.

Anyways ... back to waiting for the movie ... very interesting crowd in line. Not typical of the art movie mob that usually haunts River Oaks. A skoch on the older side (as in older than me). A few families in the mix ... either mormons or parents bringing every kid on their block to the show. Should be interesting to compare and contrast with the crowd that shows up for Dr. Strangelove the following week.

First thing I notice when I get my seat is that the screen was blocked off a bit. Unbeknownst to me, old time movies weren't done in 16:9 format. I'll be damned if I knew that. The net effect was that you felt a little like you were watching the movie on a (REALLY) big screen TV. But still, it was nice to see the movie without the screen chopping that TV does to such classics.

As for the movie itself, you'll either love or hate Frank Capra. I tend to take him for what he is ... a cinematic version of Norman Rockwell. The movies are fables and they all have a happy ending, and they're designed to make people feel good. There are far worse things to do with the movie artform.

It's easy to just forget how great an actor Jimmy Stewart was back in the day. But man, Donna Reed was totally hot back then. Really makes me lament the lack of color back then. Gloria Grahame as Violet is also worth drooling over. Course, I was also fond of Lucille Ball and Katherine Hepburn via their B&W film/tv work. Eventually, though ... they all grow up to be someone's grandmother. In between there somewhere, I shift attention to the likes of other female starlets. The cycle of life, folks.

Anyways, if you have to settle for seeing this on TV now, I pity you. Seeing it on the largest possible screen is the only way to go. I now commence to mocking you.

God's Wrath on Mississippi

CNN.com - Tornado hits Mississippi shopping center - Dec. 19, 2002

In my best Jerry Falwell impersonation ...

This is exactly the sort of thing that happens when a state turns its back on equality ... when a state segregates its schools ... when they elect representatives who pine for the return of Jim Crow laws. God has taken his wrath out on Mississippi today and it's all Trent Lott's fault. It is Trent Lott's fault this tornado has hit Mississippi.

*btw - that was sarcasm ... send all hate mail to Pete*

Sleep Deprivation Studies

ABCNEWS.com : Military Seeking Ways to Skip Sleep

I really could have used an answer for this back in my college days, but I just hope they find an answer before I become an even older man.

Roadtrip Site

Day 109 : Waco, Texas : : : roadtrip.beimers.com : : :

Ya know, the day I win some big lottery jackpot, I'm heading on the first plane to LA and doing a road trip all up and down California. Why? Well because I'm rich & I can do whatever the hell I want, that's why! You ask way too many questions.

In any event, I ran across this site which has some road trip stories that these people did on a nationwide roadie. After scouring the CA archives, I was curious what they thought of Texas. Well, as luck would have it, they ran across the same monument I've often worshipped lo these many years: The Dr Pepper Museum in Waco.

The whole site is rather addictive ... much like Diet Dr Pepper. I particularly like the quote at the top left of the page. The Underground Organization of the Day and Creation Evidence Museum are also worth a chuckle.

Additional Note: The Hearst Castle looks particularly worthwhile. I'm a little intrigued by the idea of doing all five tours (about 2 hours each) in one day, though. Might have to plan on spending more time in San Simeon than originally planned.

The Highway One leg of the trip is probably the coolest. I like the puke count they have on this. The Mud Slide of the day is a little less than heartening.

Gram Parsons Redux

Gram Parsons: A Grievous Angel, a Busy Ghost

Stumbled onto this one via the Chron, but the Times article is a little better.

Gram Parsons is likely one of the most unheralded musical forces to come out of the late 60s. The timeline is unmistakable ... without his influence, you wouldn't have the whole California rock movement that was highlighted by the Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, and Emmylou Harris.

Dead at the age of 26 thanks to a drug overdose, he was basically the first country musician to live life like a rock star. I only came across his work thanks to my affinity for Jason & the Scorchers, which was one of the seminal influences for the present alt.country movement and likewise, heavily influenced by Parsons himself. Ironically, one of the other bands mentioned as a current offshoot of the Parsons influence, the Brooklyn Cowboys, have had a temporary member in their lineup who is another of my faves: Joy Lynn White (Walter Egan is also in the band, which is kinda cool). The list of artists influenced just gets enormous when you draw it out long enough.

All in all, very nice reading (either article). Definitely noteworthy to those who's musical tastes have a little history and delve a little further down the list of Top 40 tunes.

Heavy Reindeer Traffic

NPR : 'Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer'

This is exactly what is wrong with America today. Actually, though ... I'm curious why it never got made into a cover version by some punk band or something. I say that because at the time I ran across it, I'm listening to a punk cover of Kermit the Frogs' Rainbow Connection as done by Me First & the Gimme Gimmes.

Whitesnake on Tour

This is both exciting and depressing all at the same time. Great to know that there's one last chance to hear David Coverdale belt out some great tunes, even if he has to pass over his much-neglected Euro release, Restless Heart (which has some of his best songwriting on it). He's also not touring with longtime guitar slinger Adrian Vandenberg or classic Whitesnake guitar player, John Sykes. Oddly enough, he's recruited Reb Beach, formerly of Winger, formerly of Alice Cooper, formerly of Dokken. And the opening band is ... Dokken. No word on who the guitar player is in that band, but that band is a bad joke of its former self in any event. Reb apparently left on bad terms with Don Dokken himself (then again, who doesn't). So it oughta be an interesting month for those guys.

To compound matters, there's no initial date for Houston, so I have to look at a February 8 roadie to San Antonio to catch the show. Whitesnake is co-headlining with The Scorpions, and San An is a pretty good heavy metal market. But there's no way in hell they'll fill even a half-closed Alamodome. Its still kinda being written in dry erase now, so there's hope they'll hit a Houston venue. As long as its not in The Woodlands, I'm down with it.

For a video of Don't Fade Away, click here. Its among his best work and the CD never got released in the US. The sound is kinda tinny on this, so take that into account. The whole CD reads like a life story of a rock star washed away, which is what DC is. So its very interesting to listen to the whole thing.

Movie Night Request

OK, since Pete is getting antsy for another movie night, I'll post this up here to see who nibbles on it. I'm down with the idea as long as it doesn't conflict with an Aeros home game or Office Space, showing at River Oaks.

I've got the final Ilsa flick on DVD ... I've got Frank McCluskey, CI ... I've got a whole slew of stuff to pick from.

As for locations, here's the options ...

Anagram Madness

Just downloaded an anagram generator for absolutely no reason, and here's what I got:

Greg Wythe:
"The Wry Egg"

GregOpinion:
"Poison Ginger"
"Pose Ignoring"
"Poser in going"
"Ignore on pigs"
"On pig ignores"
"In pigs on ogre"
"Pig ones groin"
"No! Pig ignores"
"Sponge origin"
... and my favorites ...
"Pong in orgies"
"Groping noise"
"Pigeon groins"
"Pig groin noise"

There ya go ... have a nice day.

RIAA Cooking the Books

MacWizards Music -- Special Features

So when you're in the business of selling records and you see your sales go down by 4% while systems like Napster, Kazaa, and Morpheus sprout up around you, you know where to point the finger of blame, right? It's obviously those freeloaders who are the source of the problem.

But wait ... turns out that ain't so. What happens when you reduce your inventory by 25%? All things equal, you'd expect to see a drop of the same 25%, right? Well, turns out, this is exactly what the record industry has done. Well, that's not true ... they've also raised prices, although I can't argue since I picked up my Donnas CD for $10 and nabbed Joey Ramone's solo CD at CD Warehouse for $8. Life is pretty good within my four walls.

But the whole thing is obviously a sham, and the RIAA is looking for a scapegoat to justify their own existence. Better luck next time guys.

When Life Imitates Art

Charleston Daily Mail - Police Blotters

Man allegedly had sex with sheep

Charleston police arrested an East Bank man for allegedly having sex with a sheep used in a West Side funeral home's live nativity scene.
Joey Armstrong, 29, allegedly broke into a shed that housed the animals used in the holiday scene at the Bartlett-Burdette-Cox Funeral Home on Tennessee Avenue about 5:50 a.m. Saturday, Charleston Police Sgt. Brent Webster said.

Police, who were responding to a suspicious person call, say they found the suspect at the nativity scene, Webster said.

Armstrong was charged with trespassing, destruction of property and cruelty to animals. He was being held at South Central Regional Jail on $2,500 bond.

Webster said police are consulting with the prosecutor's office and bestiality charges could be issued against Armstrong.

Needless to say, I'll do everything in my power to stop this sort of behavior. Granted, I've focused more on goats, but you get the picture. If not, I'll have one up soon.

UPDATE:

A Few Good Deeds

Just a simple holiday note to offer some ideas for doing a good deed around the holidays. If anyone has any other ideas, by all means post away.

As for myself, there's a couple of easy picks that I think are worth advocating:

Wednesday, go to River Oaks theater and catch Its a Wonderful Life at 7:30. Leave the wallet at home, because admission is free. Well, to the extent that the price is really a donated toy. I've already got my gift in hand to donate, I just hope I'm not waiting in some hideously long line. The toys will be donated to Toys for Tots.

Before the end of the week, the Professional Hockey Players Association will be wrapping up an auction for a former Houston Aeros player to procure a wheelchair for his 3-year old son who was born with cerebral palsy. A lot of the items are going for cheap, so be sure to bid on a few if you really want to help out a truly worthwhile individual cause. More info can be found on my Aeros fan site: InstigatorAlley.com.

There's a bunch more, and to each everyone's own in how they contribute to making the world a better place ... so long as you do something.

Rocky Rundown: A Simple Proposal

The show itself, I've concluded, is approaching a lost cause. There's some talent that can be salvaged here: Freckles, Chris, & Jesse could do wonders with the Rocky artform if they had more direction with what to do with their talent. I'd love nothing more than to see them at their best. The attendance might pick up from the 10 or so that were there this evening.

I got the obituary not really from my own disparaging of Rocky. But instead, from the person in front of me at the ticket window. When asked if they were going to see Rocky or Edward Scissorhands, they scoffed at the notion of Rocky as it was predominately (in their mind) teenagers dressed up in clothes from Hot Topic thinking they're cool (this coming from people awaiting Edward Scissorhands, for crissakes). I stood in line behind them not saying a word ... in large part because I know what they said to be true. Bottom line ... its become a joke at this theater, and I now know that I am not the only one who thinks that. It doesn't have to be, though. So let me see if I can offer a few cents worth of advice that might help get this sucker back on the right track.

For Rocky to be successful, it needs to be in the downstairs theater with performers who know how to project throughout the theater. It's a given that it needs to draw an audience worth placing it downstairs. The midnight movie series gets weaker and weaker with almost every run. Sure, there's some good offering here and there ... but its not the calling card it was when it was only done in the summer. If Rocky can get over 75 people per show, the theater would have no choice but to put it downstairs. The existing show needs a calling card that trumps the likes of Dark Crystal, Edward Scissorhands, and Office Space. In theory, not hard. But it takes effort. It takes work.

Cast leadership: There's a vast resource awaiting to be tapped that can help lead this cast back to the promised land. And with a few changes, you could have the return of a few key Beautiful Creatures, hopefully added onto some of the better T.H.E.M. performers (I'll add Myke, Charles, Danni & Jackie to the list above). Its my contention that if you mix the best of this cast and some of the former cast still out there that is better suited to making the trek to River Oaks than to Webster, you could have the makings of a cast that could draw. I heard several people talk to Jim during/after the show who remembered him from a year ago. A YEAR AGO!!! Granted, few can claim greatness in this genre like Jim. But a YEAR?!?!?!? Jeez, that's unbeleivable.

Jim needs to be in charge of this cast. That's my sole opinion and not part of any grand conspiracy. He's done it before (before my time, but by all accounts, he did rather well), he can recruit cast like few other that I've seen. He is a selling point for any show, and a calling card for repeat fans of the show. He has precisely the background to work with the above people and get the best out of them. He is on pretty good terms with almost every living person under the Rocky sun (there's always a few exceptions to the rule).

If I were to draw out on paper what a cast would look like under Jim, I would think he may want to develop someone to be a cast director after him. Let's face it, Jim's old, he has other responsibilites, and grooming a future cast director would allow him to step down to refocus on that and be the all around assclown he truly desires to be.

I only state the above for my own part. I don't speak for Jim, any cast member that I think may or may not be willing and/or able to return to River Oaks, or any other living person at all. I speak for the person named in the big green banner above. I'm not asking for another round of intense Rocky politics, which is never fun. I'm merely offering an idea of what I think would make Rocky the best possible experience at River Oaks. I know I'd like to see it return to that level. I have a hunch that the 60-70 people who were seeing the show 18 months ago might like to see a better product on stage. If anyone else shares that interest, I think that Rocky in Houston would be better served in the end.

If a more workable relationship existed between Sadistic Pleasures and T.H.E.M. 2.0, you could even work in some cast members working both locations.

Imagine, if you will:

Frank - Danni
Rocky - David Z
Brad - Myke
Janet - Kassi
Riff - Jim
Columbia - Jackie
Magenta - Jesse
Eddie - Uber
Scott - Johnathan (who else?)
Crim - Charles

Think it over ... talk amongst yourselves.

Movie Review: History Lessons

Do not waste your time with this pile of crap.

It had schtick funness written all over it. Premise is a selective mixture of B&W archive footage of both social hygeine movies of the 50s and lesbian footage from same era, if not earlier. My hope was a few tittilating moments, a cheap laugh or two .. I got nothing approximating that. I heartliy recommend instead, visit Archive.org and watch both parts of Perversion for Profit.

A clip of it is shown in the movie (about the only time my interest was captured), but as a standalone, its far more hilarious than History Lessons. Be forewarned, PFP is not intended to be funny, but for some of us ... that's what makes it funny.

Is this not my shortest movie review ever?

Funnyness on the Internet

Ran across this site while doing some investigative work involving a debate with Owen ...

The third sentence on the site really sums it all up:

"My main focus the past four years has been on the education of our childern."

I hate to be one of those typo nitpickers, especially after a frantic Friday spent explaining NUMEROUS typos of my own, not to mention my own penchant for early morning, semi-ability to type the rants that run through my head. But this is almost on the level of "is our kids learning."

Just funny, that's all ... no political implications, unless you want to get into Baldwin's screed on how homosexuality and child molestation are linked. But I recommend saving that for Owen's site.

After watching a really crappy movie (which I'm about to review) about lesbians, and this debate ... I really need to watch some football. Maybe if I just go outside my apt. and scratch myself in public, that'll do.

Slow News Day

Every so often at work, we have a big auction close, and that means all hands on deck to do all sorts of work to wrap it up. Today is such a day, so my apologies to those who are accustomed to my daily goofing off and riff-ranting ... it won't be happening today, as lunchtime is about the only surfing time I'll have.

I put this post on here as an open post for all those various comments and harrassments that many of you so desire to hurl my way.

Bring it, you slimeballs!

MooreWatch.com

MOOREWATCH.com - Watching Michael Moore's every move

You anti-Moore-ites out there oughtta love this.

KOS on Kerry

Daily Kos: Political analysis and other daily rants on the state of the nation

Holy Crap, KOS just turned me onto these Doonsbury strips from 1971 featuring a little known war activist ... John Kerry. Look for them to get more and more circulation at Iowa and New Hampshire get closer.

Guinea Pigs Needed

I added some MP3 clips on the Cover Tunes post below. If someone out there can test it and let me know if they run into any problems, that'd be super.

15 Best Cover Tunes

Ah, its a slow day and I'm currently cursing Uber for planting this idea in my head ... so without much ado, here's the list of 15 of my favorite cover tunes, in no particular order. What do you think I am, Casey freakin Kasem?

1. People Get Ready (Jeff Beck w/ Rod Stewart) - OK, I know I said these were in no particular order, but in reality, this song really is #1 for me. To begin with, its a killer tune that has its roots in Mississippi Delta blues & spirituals. While normally that's not a big deal for me, there's an inordinate amount of pride I take in knowing that for a brief moment in time, I was once in that same vast wasteland of cotton and rice fields. Its about the only thing to really hold your head up about that area. No, that wasn't intended to be a Trent Lott slam, but ... ah what the hell.

2. You Really Got Me (Van Halen) - and with this song, as well as its instrumental harbinger, an era was born. And God said: Let there be metal. A generation of 6-string slingers later (myself among them), this era still had its moments. Hell, I miss guitar solos!

3. Dock of the Bay (Michael Bolton) - OK, hold your fire. Yes, I'm fully aware that this is Michael Bolton we're discussing. I'm also aware that with this hit song, Mike changed course on his musical career and became the desirous object to the Oprah crowd that he is today. Still ... its a hell of a cover. When you've got Otis Redding's widow saying that he does it better than Otis, that says a lot.

4. Ain't That A Shame (Cheap Trick) - And thus, a generation of 80s AOR rock was born. Not much you can say about this simple song covered by a simple band out of Chicago. It just fit so well with Robin Zander's raspy voice.

5. Absolutely Sweet Marie (Jason & the Scorchers) - It wouldn't very well be my list if I didn't find a spot for J.A.T.S. This is a band that basically earned their bread and butter on taking country classics and adding a hard rock tinge to them in some way or another. In this case, the songs are fairly unrecognizable. I swear I'll limit myself to one official entry of this, one of my favorite bands. But anyone really looking to learn more should give a listen to the Gram Parsons cover: Drugstore Truckdriving Man. While I prefer that song more since its heavier, ASM is more indicative of the bands' work over time and one hell of a rocker in its own right. [MP3 Clip]

6. What A Wonderful World (Joey Ramone) - Listening to this song in and of itself is enough of a thrill. Listening to it knowing that Joey knew he was making a CD to be released after his all but certain death from lymphatic cancer adds a million other elements to the listening experience. Personally, I'm a big fan of songs covered in a cross genre way. This one really hits the new version of the park with a hard driving rhythm, but I'm more than a little biased every since I saw Rock & Roll High School a hundred times on cable.

7. Goodbye to Romance (Lisa Loeb/Dweezil Zappa) - A rather eclectic pick here. The song is off of Ozzy Osbourne's first solo release. Its the one slow song, not quite a true ballad, but close enough if it helps categorize it. The Loeb/Zappa version is full tilt ballad, but with Lisa's far superior voice, and an oh-so perfect little electric solo on top of the minimalist acoustic backing, I can crank this song to help amplify almost any mood. I just cannot say enough great things about Dweezil Zappa, too. [MP3 Clip]

8. Anything by Me First & the Gimme Gimmes - the band only exists as a cover band. I first stumbled onto them during a Warped Tour in which I heard a rollicking cover of Science Fiction Double Feature (the Rocky Horror intro tune). I rushed the stage and caught the rest of their cover tunes done over punk stylings, and could not believe my ears. While I'm partial to SFDF, I think if I were forced to pick some favorites, I'd go with You've Got A Friend (done to the beat of The Ramones' Blizkrieg Bop), or My Boyfriend's Back which is along the lines of a comedic version of the original.

9. Wild World (Mr Big) - Back when Mr Big was realizing the amount of cold hard cash to be made in the business of doing puff tunes, they stumbled onto this Cat Stevens tune and almost clawed their way back out of obscurity after previously earning a #1 hit with an original ballad. In my mind, this one is far superior to the Stevens version. The only shame is that it doesn't highlight them as a band, just the singer. Guess that's why they broke up.

10. Somewhere Over the Rainbow (Martina McBride) - Only saw this live, but I'll be damned if this isn't the single best version of this song in the world. To be fair, I've heard Trisha Yearwood's version too & love it. But Martina, who is ironically, a belter, vocally, does a much softer & sweeter rendition of this song. I mean if I had to rank both on a scale of 1-10, I'd give Trish a 10, but Martina an 11.

11. Two Become One (Paul Gilbert) - Never heard of Paul Gilbert? Well, he's gone indie since leaving the aforementioned Mr Big. He was the guitar hero component of that band and now prefers to be a guitar hero to the few who buy his solo releases. This Spice Girls tune gets a really melodic makeover with a really soulful solo from the shredder himself. The song itself is an homage to a few musical components that Gilbert introduces: one riff from a Sabbath tune, and a little Zep in there as well. How's that for a celebration of British music? The live track also have a little dialogue that Paul covers some of the chords in the song. He's genuinely impressed that a Spice Girls song can have such intricate chording. I'm genuinely impressed he can add a guitar solo to the tune. [MP3 Clip]

12. Various (The Ramones) - No, they did not do a song called Various. I'd like to limit this a little more than I did for Me First .... The Ramones actually did a lot of originals, but a few of their covers stand out to me over the course of my musical evolution: Do You Wanna Dance, Questioningly, and Needles & Pins in particular. Besides, this is The Ramones. They deserve a few extra slots on this list.

13. 2000 Man (KISS) - Basically, this one was the obligatory Ace Frehley song off of the Dynasty album. The Rolling Stones version is rather weak ... this one actually fits into the context of the song since its sung by Ace.

14. My Way (Sex Pistols) - I'll admit, the first few times I heard this version, I couldn't stand it. But it grew on me ... and kept growing. As it stands, this is one of those songs that when I'm clicking my player for the next song, I'll stop on this one every time no matter what. Johnny Rotten sure couldn't sing, but he absolutely could evoke a feeling.

15. Here I Go Again (Whitesnake) - Techincally, this one qualifies as they covered their own song and the original had different musicians ... and the cover rocked a lot harder. Anyone wants to experience the musical growth of Whitesnake over time, you need not go any further than listening to the original version of this song, the remake, and then the '87 radio remake. Kinda sums up the band in a nutshell right there. Whitesnake also made a habit for a while of taking one of their old songs, snazzing it up, and making it better. It was one of the things I really admired about the band. [MP3 Clip]

Theoretically, I should have an honorary Elvis and Beatles tune in there as well. But since both basically just ripped off Chuck Berry for the longest time and made more money off his music then Chuck himself likely did, I'll pass.

The Pretentious German Artists

Yahoo! News - Suicide Mistaken for Art Performance

BERLIN (Reuters) - Visitors to a off-beat Berlin arts center thought a dead woman on the ground was a performance art act rather than a suicide, police said on Thursday.

Authorities said the 24-year-old woman, who apparently leapt from a window, discussed suicide in a videotaped interview with a group of artists the day before.

"A group of visitors to the center at first thought the body lying on the ground at the art center was part of an art performance," said police spokeswoman Christine Rother. "It took a while before anyone realized it was not an act but a suicide."

Artists at the Tacheles art center had videotaped the woman the evening before when she told of her suicide plans. They tried to talk her out of it and drove her home, but she returned to the arts workshop later in the evening.

Of all the nutty stories I've read in the last ... I don't know how long ... this one takes the cake. I kept expecting to read about how the dead woman exhibit had just gotten her own gallery before someone realized it was .... a DEAD WOMAN. Maybe if some enterprising artist had wheeled out a TV playing the video of her talk about killing herself, they could have gotten an NEA grant and brought that act overseas.

New Toy: MP3 Gain

MP3Gain - A free automatic mp3 volume normalizer

I just have to plug this little peice of software cuz I just got through testdriving it and I'm loving it. Its a freebie that adjusts the gain levels on all your MP3s and makes the volume normalized on each one ... so no need to turn up some songs, and turn down others. I got the Normal install and everything else was all hunky dory easy from there. Took a while to get through my complete playlist, but that was expected. If you have a slew of MP3s and play them constantly, this is highly recommended ... although if your presently using something else, I'd like to hear it, cuz I'm now curious if there's a better one of these out there.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to Webster I go...

Ok, so I hauled my happy ass all the way out there to Webster last night, and I think this show deserves a review. Since I?m no longer on any cast, I?m gonna try and make this as impartial as possible. Oh, and don?t expect Mr. Nice Uber. I?m putting on my ?bitter and grizzled? hat and will attempt to channel Greg for this review.

First of all, let me remind everyone that I am straight, and that I enjoy breasts as much as the next man. And let me also say that this review might upset some of you. If so, go ahead and kick me out of your cast. Oh yeah, I?m NOT IN ANY CAST!!!! I don?t give out A+ unless it?s a PERFECT performance, so don?t expect any A+?s (and if you?re pretentious enough to think your performance was perfect, well, you?re in the right place). So, without further adieu:

Frank ? Lindsay: A-. I like the emotion, I like the expressiveness, and I like the moves. You have a good look as Frank, using a good mix of sexiness, seduction, forcefulness and anger. The blocking was, for the most part, good and you certainly exude a lot of energy as Frank. There are a few things you might want to take a look at, but these are little things that I?d expect a little seasoning to take care of. Take a step or two out of the ?elevator? thingie for the beginning of Sweet-T so that the audience on stage left can see you. Don?t take any crap from Carlos during Eddie?s death scene. If need be, give him a punch in the nuts. Okay, now for the part many of you won?t like. Don?t let folks strip you of your corset. I hate to say that, given that you do have such nice breasts. But I maintain that I prefer suggestiveness instead of in-your-face nudity. So, next time, don?t let them strip you and you get an A or an A+. But all in all, it was a very good debut as Frank with Sadistic Pleasures.

Brad ? James: D+. The return of the amazing audio animatronic Brad. James, you are an atrocious performer. And no, I?m not saying that because you attempted to teabag me during Superheroes. The fact that I don?t have a sense of smell right now is the only saving grace of your performance, and the only reason you didn?t get an F. You were often out of place, you?re blocked poorly and you have little energy when you play. I used to think that Greg had something against you, but now when I look at it objectively, I realize that you just suck.

Janet ? Sam: D. So you weren?t as bad as James. That?s not saying a lot. Learn the blocking before getting on stage again. Don?t turn your back to the audience so much, it?s bad stage practice. Oh, and when you?re being chased by Frank for ?Planet Schmanet?, it helps if you actually try and get away from Frank.

Riff ? Jim: A. What can I say, it?s Jim as Riff. He?s one of my favorite Riff?s out there (I won?t declare my absolute favorite). He becomes the part, and plays Riff with a lot of the playfulness that Richard O?Brian brought to the role. Riff shouldn?t always be intimidating and scary; sometimes Riff is having fun messing with the rest of the cast. Jim restrained himself from going berzerko for the show, and that?s always a plus.

Magenta ? Brook: B+. Brook, you have a very cute look. I think that, playing opposite a different Riff, you might have stood out more, and I might have appreciated your performance more. You pretty much have the part down technically, but I?d like to see a little more from you to stand out. I know that may not be the easiest thing to do, but like I?ve said before, that is something that will come with seasoning. I?d really like to see you play opposite a different Riff to get a better idea of your performance, perhaps Mary. I think that would be a great look. But that?s just me.

Columbia ? Alicia: A. I freely admit I didn?t used to like Alicia?s Columbia. But it?s a part she?s grown into well over playing it in the past year. You have the ?bubbliness? that I think Columbia represents, and you have it in spades.

Eddie ? Carlos: A-. You get the minus only because you tried to upstage Frank during your own death scene. That?s not cool, dude. Oh, and also you didn?t destroy anything. Destruction guarantees the full A.

Rocky ? Kitty: B+. Kitty has a good look as Rocky. Thank goodness the fraggles are gone. The downside to this grade is for doing a bit that I think shows a general lack of class. So I hear you don?t like nuns. Whoopie doo. You?re daring, and oh boy are you controversial. Oh boy, look at her go. Leave the nun doll at home and it?s an A.

Dr. Scott ? Daniel: B-. Too many call lines when you?re on stage makes an unhappy Uber. Oh, and what the hell have you done with your hair? You have way too goofy a disposition to play Dr. Scott. I propose that you should have brought in the Wet Floor Sign halfway through as a pinch hitter?

Crim ? Johnny Foster: A. You really can?t go wrong with Johnny Foster. Oh, but lose the lit cigarette. It sets a bad example for the audience for breaking the rules which were set out so explicitly at the beginning.

New Kid on the Blog

Just a brief little intro note, I added Daniel Goldberg's blog to my links list and heartily recommend checking in from time to time. He's a Coog, so that's a plus ... he lives in Austin, but I guess I can overlook that for now ... and he's an even bigger wonk than I, so that's why its linked where it is. There's even a link to his first published UH Law Review article in case anyone needs proof.

Axl Bails

Axl Blows Off Philly, 12/7/02

Hey, what if they had a concert and a riot broke out? No, this isn't a replay of the Vancouver riot that Guns N Roses incited by cancelling at the last second. This is the Philadelphia riot that was incited by GNR cancelling at the last second ... actually beyond the last second.

The irony here is that the show was a sell out in a major market. Who on earth ditches a show like that? But I guess it just shows what a fun business rock & roll really is. I say that sarcastically, of course. There's a whole host of performers who put a great deal more professionalism into their work. I've seen singers sing when their voices were shot from the flu. I've seen band members go on with broken limbs. And I've seen musicians treat an audience of 20 as if he were the luckiest person in the world to have such devoted fans (actually, one of the better concerts I've seen). And to be fair, occassionally shows are cancelled for legitimate reasons. But for now, it looks like Clear Channel is pulling the plug on the rest of this particular tour, so I won't have the Houston GNR riot to look forward to later on.

Something tells me that when Slash & Duff get a singer and put together a tour, you won't hear a fraction of the BS that this tour generated.

Movie Review: Muppet Treasure Island

One of the more unique muppet movies in that it is seemingly more of a live action movie, with muppets interspersed throughout. Maybe that's just perception, maybe because I haven't seen the prior movies (save for the classic original) a bazillion times. I mean heck, the original was pretty full of humans, but once Fozzie & Kermit landed at the church and ran into the muppet band, it had its moments of total muppets.

Right off the bat, the first thing that I really can't understand ... or at least prefer NOT to understand, is that when the scene cuts to a group of men on the ship, they're gathered below deck ... not sure exactly what they're doing. But there's a muppet cow in the scene ... WTF??? Is this movie not for kids?

Gonzo and that friggin rat, Rizzo get way too much play in the early going, and that boy needs to never sing again. Its horrifying. It doesn't get any better until we get to Fozzie with the treasure map. Beaker & Bunsen offer the perfect comedic relief. You simply cannot get enough Fozzie in a muppet movie. Statler & Waldorf, my personal heros are seen shortly thereafter ... I'm set now.

Sadly, though ... we also get to Tim Curry performing Long John Silver once they board Fozzie's ship. I keep expecting a Time Warp dance ... or Drew Barrymore to do some stupid Matrix ripoff. The lack of either comes as a severe disappointment. The appearance of a talking crustacean on Curry's shoulder only serves as sheer folly.

One of the few really well done things here is Kermit's entrance. Playing off of Sam the Eagle's demeanor is a nice contrast and offers enough timeless comedy to fill a lifetime ... or at least another hour or so.

Anyways, after viewing this movie, its perhaps a little understandable why the muppet genre has taken such a downward spiral after the brilliant original movie. Pretty much the only other really positive I can note on this movie is that Statler & Waldorf save the pig & frog, but in their words, it was still too late to save the movie.

Still, its worth watching for pure diehard muppet freaks such as myself. The things they can do with felt nowadays ... I tell ya!

Cobain Mockery

Also found via Bookslut ... god is this stuff funny.

found on The Onion here.

Last Quiz I Take ... this year

Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz, by Angel.

When will I learn to stop taking these stupid quizzes already? About all I've learned is that I'm a geek and/or dweeb in all of them. That should come as a complete surprise to absolutely nobody.

TGFF

Joe Millionaire

No, that's not supposed to be TGIF. It's TGFF. Thank God For Fox. Yes, that wonderful network which brought us the hits "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire", "Temptation Island" and "Who Wants to be a Princess" has a new reality dating show coming out this January. As much as I may have disliked the aforementioned shows, this one really has some promise.

Picture this: You're a single female on a show very similar to ABC's "The Bachelor". You get to the end of the show and are selected as the winner, only to find out that the man who selected you really isn't the millionaire he's been posing as. Come to find out that he's your average Joe with a $19,000 salary. Do you stay with Joe Average, or do you leave him because he's not Joe Millionaire? That's the premise of this show.

I don't presume that this show will answer any deep questions about whether or not money matters in the success of a relationship. Fox is advertising it as such, and that's total BS. The guy that the woman meets and is courted by is not the same guy who visits the local bar after work for a beer and takes his lunch in a steel pail. He's being camoflauged by the wealth and influence of a TV network's ambitions.

However, I think that this is a more realistic show than The Bachelor. You have no idea to what ends that show annoys me. If they want to show REAL LIFE on a reality show, have someone like us up there handing out roses. But, of course, that show wouldn't produce ratings like the one of a "fairy tale come true". My challenge to Fox is to do a second season of this series, only tell the women that the guy is not rich to start with, that he's not the male model they dream about, but that he's a good guy who is looking for a committed relationship. Would it sell? Probably not. But it would be closer to real life than the crap that's being sold today.

The Trials of Henry Kissinger

Welcome to AngelikaFilmCenter.com: Houston, Texas: Now Showing: The Trials of Henry Kissinger

Curious why nobody's slamming the clear liberal bias of the Angelika theater downtown for showing this film. Hell, they're even showing The Wizard of Oz still (the single best political film ever made) ... when will this insanity stop?

Scientific Entertainment

New Scientist

Brilliant!

First, fire.
Then electricity.
Then intercontinetal flight.
Then we put a man on the moon.
And now ... we finally have the answer to that oft-asked question: what's the best way to tie a freakin shoe lace.

Brilliant, I tell you!!!

Greg Caves into another stupid quiz

*Ugh* ... I'd have spent my time better catching up on some reading, but here I am anyway ...

What type of LotR fan are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Which Sesame Street Muppet's Dark Secret Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

So Its Come to This?

Just a little humor

Discuss amongst yourselves...

Another Stupid Quiz

I am at once, offended and flattered ... ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

Nope, you don't have a drop of english blood in your body. In fact, you're probably American ;) Y'know that little island next to France? Y'know...Europe? No? Ohwell. We love you really - have a cucumber sandwich!

How British are you?
this quiz was made by alanna

Blogs Put to Great Use

bazima chronicles | doing it in the name of social science

Why am I just now learning of this blog? At long last, I have no need for cable. I can get Sex in the City via blog now!!!

Movie Review: Blackhawk Down

Ya know, I hate to pan this movie. But I contend there's a very good reason that I'm forced to. I wanted to see this because I thought it was a great story and I'm glad to see it garner enough attention to become a movie. It suffers a bit from still being a little too recent. And the movie doesn't delve too deeply into the whole "should be have been in Somalia" issue. It tells the story of a raid gone awry fairly well, though.

Where it comes up short is that the gold standard on war movies has previously been set with Saving Private Ryan. Its not just that it needs more gruesome gore ... there was enough to see with the reenacting of the Somalis dragging one of ours through the streets alone. But SPR had enough compelling drama in it to really captivate you. This movie didn't have that and the efforts it did make seemed a little forced. Maybe its just me ... maybe it was their depiction of a rigid military environment. I dunno.

Overall, I guess I gotta go with saying this movie was good, but not great. I was hoping for great, though ... so maybe that's why I'm not buzzing it here for everyone.

Galveston Goes Gay

After much indecision throughout the week, yours truly decided to trek it on out to Webster in this week's episode. The temptation was that the Galveston Bunch was set to take over the Sadistic Pleasures. Being a sucker for seeing most any new cast hit the stage (although technically not a debut), I just had to side with the extra long trek to Webster for this.

Let's start with the big picture: This cast did a pretty darned good for its first show in this theater. There were a few signs of inexperience. There were a few performers that needed a little injection of life, but all in all, I'd have to give this a hearty thumbs up. I like a lot of what I saw up there. The problems that came out with the new kids on the block are problems that will disappear with time. And with a few more performances under their belt, it oughtta be incredible. The biggest aspect I have to give these guys credit for is committment. I'm not gonna claim to have been in reporter mode. I know Lindsay will eventually get her eyeballs over to this site, so she can clarify where my knowledge of the cast's background is lacking. But these kids really seemed to put in a lot of effort on their performances and it showed. They didn't just jump up on stage to seemingly impress the rest of their outcast friends or rebel against mom & dad. I could be wrong on some or all counts there. Dunno. But these guys looked like they were intent on putting on a great show, they seemed to enjoy working with each other, and their performance as a whole really shined.

Now, since this is a new cast, I want to rewind and go back to the old format for my reviews. What with a lot of them being new cast members, I've not exhausted my vocabulary of explitives or lauditory terms on their behalf. The old-timers that helped out are worthy of the same, as well. I'm using names from the SP website, so if there was a change anywhere outside of Carlos or Ben, don't blame me. So here we go:

Frank - Alicia: Where can ya go wrong with Alicia? This might not really have qualified as one of her more over-the-top performances, but it was still dead-on with the timing and Alicia has always had a great look for this role, IMO. She nails the role pretty much everywhere, save for a little costume chaos on Sweet T. Damage to her timing was negligible, though ... she recovered nicely and set the pace from the get-go.

Brad - Michael: First things first, let's clear the air. I say nothing here to indicate that I am better than anyone else or to demoralize someone's aspirations as either an amateur or professional actor. That said, there were a few bumps in Michael's Brad. None that should be long-lasting, though. The screen peaks were a bit obvious. That was probably the most noticable issue. Everyone peaks (so I'm told) ... but the best learn to do so discreetly. Timing was a little bit of an issue as well. Both of those issues are easily corrected with practice though. Michael has a good look for the role. There's sortofa geekiness, awkwardness that really mirrors the movie Brad very well. Give it a few more takes, and this should be a role Michael can perform blindfolded.

Janet - Liz: Very impressive here. There's nothing I can really point to that screams: Fix This! But the character still didn't really jump out at me. True, I'm only one of one hundred, so take it for what its worth. To me, what lacks in those instances is the ability to really define the character your way. Its pretty much the last step before someone really gets a character down, so don't look at it as a negative. Liz is well on her way to being a great Janet in this role. Just define it a little more, improv some, make it your own, and the world will be yours.

Riff - David: OK, here's the one shot I get to be negative. David stunk on this night. He missed not one, but TWO entrances. As luck would have it, BOTH were very critical entrances. Riff answering the door, and the takeover scene. While Jim saved the show admirably at the takeover scene, there was no such luck on the door scene. I'll cut David a tad bit of slack since I think I saw something fall and break when he was doing his debut scene, though. But still ... the finished product is what it is. That's three strikes for David (he missed his entrance as Frank once), so we'll have to think up some unique way to punish him. Now, beyond those transgressions, I have to add the following about David's Riff that is in no way a reflection of his performance, but instead a simple request that deserves some respect. David is not a great Riff. The reason is because we all know what a great, over-the-top Brad, Rocky and Frank he really is. To perform a stoic character is a disservice to us all. Yeah yeah, I know David's gotta stretch his legs from time to time. So be it. I'll stand by mine and Jim's call to have him play Brad more, though. He owns that role.

Magenta - Melody: I don't know what it is ... all that time at River Oaks making me think anything else is better, or Melody has really gotten into this role very damn well. Probably a combination of both. I gotta admit, when I was last a regular with the SP crowd, it was when everyone and their dog was being cast as Magenta and I wasn't all that impressed with many of them. But Melody rocked. The timing was great, her character really stood out, and it was played very well. Kudos chick ... you've come a long way.

Columbia - Lindsay: I knew this would be golden. I had nothing to worry about. Having seen Lindsay's first show with SP, I knew she would get better with experience and its safe to say she's doing this role extremely well. A missing hat for the tap dance was about the only flaw I could point out. Talk about minor details. And I swear, the fact that I'm the world's biggest sucker for redheads has NOTHING to do with this glowing review. I think I got a handshake from Lindsay when I introduced myself, and I'll swear on a stack of Bibles that it did not influence my decision.

Eddie - Some guy filling in for Carlos: I was all set to knock this performance due to the lack of an instrument for the sax solo. I was on the cusp of doing so when I saw him start to dance. WTF? Who dances for that part of the movie? But as he kept dancing, it became apparent that he was actually doing a pretty entertaining thing up there ... guess it qualifies as some variant of breakdancing. It was different, it was unique, so I sit here not really having anything to knock him for. Cept for one funny little sidenote. When Columbia is doing her song in the dinner scene, the guy is playing "Dead" Eddie and starts to flex his muscles. Problem isn't in the fact that he was moving while he was "dead." Its that he's a toothpick and as such, HAS NO MUSCLES!!! I cracked up watching him flex his muscles, which was about as pointless as ... well ... ME flexing my muscles. Miniscule detail (and I mean that literally), but it stood out for its humor value.

Rocky - Dustin Diamond: Yep, I swear ... as I live and breathe ... Screech is performing with Rocky now! Actually, the dude's name is Dor. Yeah, I can't make up that kinda stuff. First off, Dor has a great look for the role as he's ripped from head to toe, so he makes for a VERY believable Rocky. What was lacking in this performance is that he came across as an animatronic robot during Sword of Damocles and a few other scenes. There's two types of performers: those that just need to get comfy on stage and open up over time ... and those that are just natural clams with their stage personality. Its my hope that Dor fits in the first category. Like I said, the look is there, he's got enough inate qualities to do the role well. If he can open up and show a little more personality with the role, he'll be a star.

Dr. Scott - Daniel: Freakin pretty-boy that Daniel is, how the hell can he do any wrong? So there ya go, Daniel was good, Daniel was great. Who gives a rat's behind! Daniel this, Daniel that ... enough already. Daniel rules ... there, I said it.

Crim - Johnathan: Johnathan can lay claim to complete ownership and mastery over two roles in Rocky: Scott and Crim. Nuff said.

Trixie - Kitty: Marilyn Monroe idea was pretty cool. I was wondering why the hell she was wearing that outfit and more importantly ... leaving it on.

Cutting to the audience, it was great to be at a show where the audience was allowed to be the audience. There was some notably awful call line timing issues. Jim earns every gold star in the book for mocking about 3-4 audience members for their timing and not completing the call line. Quite frankly, I was a lost cause once I suggested to Jim that he take up doing call lines, but only doing them incompletely. The Jim fan club grew among those sitting nearby to hear this inside joke played out. I was rolling on the floor with each incomplete call line. Jim earns all other praise and plaudits for saving the takeover scene. It was another case of Jim's quick thinking and ham acting abilities that make Rocky what it truly should be.

Ummm ... I think that covers about everything. Hope the Galvez kiddos keep up the good work. They definitely made it worth my while to schlep out there.

The Most Horrifying News Story Ever

The Mariah Carey Story Isn't Over

It's not? I say whatever the price is to make it over, just send me the bill. I got it covered. Actually, I'm just relieved that this wasn't a story on how she was working on Glitter II. Still ... 3 pages on Mariah Carey? I've gotta think somewhere in the world is a reporter standing on a ledge, contemplating suicide.