ClownCarBlog.com

Luck O' The Irish

Well people, I'm back. You may have wondered where I've been these last few weeks. Turns out that going to Mexico and trying to smuggle back a trunkload full of midgets for the purposes of selling them to bars is a crime. Now what are the drunken patrons going to toss to pass the time? It's a sad sad world we live in.

Anyway, while I was gone, the blessed holiday of St. Patrick's Day came and went. And with it came the annual sale on corned beef brisket. Now, I know that people in the southwest hear the word brisket and think barbecue, but corned beef is most definately not a meat best served off the grill. You may have even picked up one of these puppies in the last few weeks when you saw them on sale at your local store thinking that you could smoke it one weekend. To do so would destroy the delicate spice balance that is a corned beef.

When you go to the store to buy your corned beef, there's a couple things you will notice. First of all, you generally don't buy a whole brisket when buying corned beef. You can purchase either the flat or the point. The flat is generally a slightly better cut of meat, but the point is what I typically go after for economic reasons. Also, if you know what you're doing, you can typically cook either and have them turn out spectacular. Since the basis of this is a brisket, visible fat on the meat is not a problem. What you want to look for is a thick layer of fat on one side of the meat, but not a lot of fat marbled throughout the main chunk of meat. While you're at the store, get some carrots, some potatoes and some cabbage. Oh, and some rye bread wouldn't hurt either, unless you're going to make a loaf of irish soda bread

The first thing you may notice when you look at a corned beef is that it's an odd shade of red. Upon opening the pack, you will probably see a bunch of red goo around the brisket as well. Don't fear the goo, it's just a bit of the nitrite goo that is used to treat the meat to make it corned beef. You may also see a little package of seeds that comes with the brisket. Don't throw that away, but rinse it off for use.

Anyway, with most corned beef briskets, there's a simple procedure for preparation and cooking. First of all, you remove the beef from the package, and trim all the big chunks of visible fat from the meat. These chunks of fat I typically discard. Next, place the brisket into either a slow cooker or a pot with a lid. Yes Virginia, we're going to cook this thing Irish style, and that means boiling that chunk of meat until it's tasty. Next, you're going to sprinkle the top of the corned beef with the spices from that little packet. Just sprinkle them right on top of the beef, they won't hurt anything. The secret ingredient I find is a necessity when cooking a corned beef is in the liquid you cook with. We're going to actually braise this meat, so you're going to add just enough liquid to cover the meat, then simmer it for a long time (and when I say long time, I typically am talking around 10 hours in a slow cooker, 5 hours on the stove top). Getting back to the liquid, I find that it helps in the tenderization of the meat if you add about a half-cup of vinegar (either plain white vinegar or cidar vinegar work best here), then use fresh water to cover the brisket. Put the lid on the pot, then place it on the stove to cook at a low temperature. You will see the brisket shrink during the cook time. When it's done, it'll be about 75% of the size it was when you started. Once it's done, put the brisket on a plate and set in the microwave to rest. Do not, under any circumstances, throw out that water. That's going to be the basis for our tasty vegetable dinner.

Now, no corned beef dinner would be complete without potatoes, carrots & cabbage. The trick to these veggies is that they take different times to cook. You peel and chunk the potatoes, peel and slice the carrots, and cook these two in boiling water for about 15 minutes or until fork tender. You then pull them out, cut the cabbage head into quarters along the vertical axis, then add that to the water until it's fork tender for you (I find about 5-7 minutes works for me). The secret here is that you're going to add more water to the brisket water, then use that to cook the vegetables. Yes, there will be fat floating on top of the water, but the flavor will be something to behold, and really spices up plain old boiled carrots.

I hope that you'll not shy away from this tasty cut of meat in the future when you see it on sale at your local store. There are just too many tasty uses for corned beef, including the almighty Reuben sandwich, to pass up on buying a brisket when they're on sale. And I hope that this has taken some of the mystery out of how to prepare it. Have fun, and eat well.

Possible Good News

It's too early to announce anything definite, but I'm in the initial stages of purchasing my first house, a modest but servicable perfect starter situation. Should the deal go down, what epithet should we use to describe the place?

Some suggestions to get you started:

The Hideout
Das Fuhrerbunker
The Safe House
Pintero's Social Club (a mob reference from "Enemy Of The State")
Civil Defense HQ, circa 1958
The Ammo Dump
Carter's Country South
Margaritaville
The Zappa Shrine
The Mine Field
Pee Wee's Playhouse

Two Movie Quickie Reviews

Actually, three, since I just recalled

BIG FISH - The Tim Burton thing of last month, it's his take on the book of the same name (not an original story from him) and deals with a modern son's relationship with a traditional father. Was this what they call a "chick flick"? I'm not sure; no major life statements were made, so it flew a bit too close to Louisa May Alcott for me, I guess...

SECRET WINDOW - The Stephen King story with Johnny Depp. Isolated writer deals with his own psychology and simultaneously with story ideas AND a lingering divorce. Yeah, whatever. BUT always good to see what Depp's up to.

NUKES IN SPACE - a straight-to-video 1-hour documentary about atmospheric nuke tests by US, USSR and French interests during the 50's and 60's. Some reliance on random stock footage, but at least as many hits as misses, in that veterans of various programs are interviewed here that apparently talked to no one else. AND it's narrated by William Shatner!! The interpretation has a bit too much ban-the-bomb underlying sentiment for me, but the amount of new material made it worth at least the $5 I paid for it at Half Price.

Movie Catchup

Due to other life events, and the hectic demands of cute blondes in my life (who am I to say no to a damn one of them, too?), I've now got a hideous backlog of films to catch, and I'm sure some will fall by the wayside, but I've got to do what I can, I suppose. The weekend is cramped enough as it is with a political convention on Saturday morning, and hockey games to take in on both Saturday and Sunday night. There will not be enough time in the day, I am sure.

River Oaks Theater:
Ongoing: My Architect - debating heading over after work today for this one. In any event, this is on my immediate must-see list.

Goodbye, Lenin (Starts Friday)

October, 1989 was a bad time to fall into a coma if you lived in East Germany-which is what happens to Alex's (Daniel Brühl) proudly socialist mother (Kathrin Sass). When she awakens eight months later, her heart is so weak Alex fears the slightest shock might kill her-like the fall of the Berlin Wall and the triumph of capitalism in East Germany! To protect his mother, Alex transforms their apartment into a kind of socialist-era museum where his mother is lovingly duped into believing that nothing has changed. Winner of 9 German Film Awards, including Best Film. (Fully subtitled)

Also worth noting is that A Hard Day's Night is the midnight movie this weekend. I'm once more at the mercy and generosity of potential taxi cab wannabes on this one. If anyone is there, the standard offer applies for a ride home.

Angelika:
Two Men Went to War - curious arthouse choice here, looks tempting & I haven't been to Angelika in a while. Opens Friday.

Confessions of Burning Man - To be honest, I have no idea what to make of this one ... which is exactly why I'm curious about it. Opens Friday.

Playing Everywhere:
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - last weekend was one of the few times I've missed an opening weekend showing of a Jim Carrey film. I must make amends for this oversight.

Dawn of the Dead - This is my #2 priority among the mass release catchups. Is it possible to fit a two-fer in my schedule somwhere?

Jersey Girl - I'm not fond of this, or anything with Ben Affleck for that matter. But Kevin Smith flicks will always have some appeal to them. Maybe I'll wait for the dollar theaters on this one.

Movies I've Missed:
Elf - meant to catch it at a dollar cinema, but even that passed me by. How long before the DVD comes out? I think Bob Newhart's appearance makes it worthwhile for that investment.

Movies I Need To Miss:
Walking Tall opens this weekend. Having watched the original trilogy, I must say this new adaptation looks to be a ripoff. Still ... the power of Buford Pusser compels me.

... and one of these days, I'm gonna go catch a flick at the West Bellfort 5 just to f*ck with my mind.

Some Survey I Got

1. What is your full Name: Heironymus Merkin
2. What are you listening to right now: Gin Blossoms
3. What was the last thing you ate: nondescript Fast Food
4. If you were a crayon what color would you be: what is this BS?
5. How is the weather right now: present
6. Last person you talked to on the phone: front office
7. Your favorite TV show: Which decade?
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you: The goat business is a bit odd
9. How are you today: Cranky about probable lack of a raise this fiscal year
10. Favorite non-alcoholic drink: Coffee or Tea
11. Favorite alcoholic drink: Kahlua and coffee, probably
12. Favorite sports to watch: cats being thrown into the water and swimming (they can, you know)
13. Hair color: too specific
14. Eye color: too specific
15. Do you wear contacts: too specific
16. Siblings: too specific
17. Favorite month: too specific
18. Favorite food: fricasse of squid
19. Last movie you watched: DRACULA: PRINCE OF DARKNESS
20. Favorite day of the year: What is this BS?
21. What time did you go to bed last night? What is this BS?
22. Summer or winter: What is this BS?
23. Hugs or kisses: What is this BS?
24. Chocolate or vanilla: This reminds me of a certain adult film...
25. Do you want your friends to write back: What is this BS?
26. Who is most likely to respond: Jack Straw
27. Who is least likely: Grigory Rasputin
28. What's under your bed: Ammo
29. What books are you reading: Autobio of Isaac Asimov, Vol. 1 - In Memory Yet Green, a database manual, a certification drill book and "Jack's Book - An Oral Biography of Jack Kerouac" by Gifford and Lee
31. Favorite board game: Suicide Bomb-A-Go-Go
32. What did you do last night: Classified
33. Favorite thing to do to pass time: So little time...
34. Can you touch your nose with your tongue: I might be able to touch YOURS with my FIST
35. What inspires you:

OK, that's a big one. Several things come to mind...

Annie Lennox's take on "Waiting In Vain"
Joe Cocker's version of "Watchin' The River Flow"
A good plate of smoked salmon
This kid in Austin
Authors: Early A.E. Van Vogt, Harlan Ellison, Beryl Markham, Ayn Rand, Kate Braverman, Neal Cassady, Cicero, Edward Gibbon, myself
Autobiographers: George Burns, David Niven, Tony Randall, Bob Hope, Fred Pohl

36. Plain, sugared, caramel or salted popcorn: More BS
37. Favorite flower: Either Hibiscus, Ruellia, Green Spider Plant, Joshua Tree or Horsehead Philodendron
38. What I have to do to prepare for my day: Get up, fix breakfast, load the Mossberg 12 ga.

Finally ... A Movement I'm Down With!

which art movement are you?
this quiz was made by Caitlin

Why have we NOT seen this?

It's been called the WORST MOVIE OF THE NINETIES and includes Eric Idle and Sandra Bernhard. WHY have we neglected THIS???

I realize that a musical theme is up next for Ubertransmaniacon but we must begin perusing the "bottom 100" lists for future material.

New Carrey

This one kinda snuck up on me, but apparently, its opening this weekend:

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Since I caught the last Jim Carrey movie as my first Alamo Drafthouse experience, I'm thinking that I should take this one in at the same venue. Now to find a spot on my calendar for this .... Anyone else interested, speak now or forever hold your peace.

SIDENOTE: Criminy ... I neglected that My Architect was running at River Oaks already, but at least it seems to be running through next week as well. So I apparently have some movie catching up to do. This weekend is also the Midnight Movie showing of Blood Simple. If there's any takers for that, lemme know ... transportation issues prevent me from flying solo on that one. Dinner @ Ruchi's afterwards is available to entice potential chauffeurs.

Houston's Concert Calendar

Just another infrequent catchup post on upcoming musical interludes to entertain the easily amusable ....

3/18 - Liz Phiar @ Numbers - I'd be tempted if it were anywhere other than Numbers. As it is, I look at this and ask myself what else is on my calendar to keep me from it. Not the biggest fan of Phair, but she has a better hold on my attention span than Tori Amos.

3/20 - Pat Travers @ Westfield By The Railroad - More than a little after his prime, but sheesh, this looks like one of those gigs you just have to take in even if you know one or two Pat Travers tunes. That said, its a wee bit out of my walking distance, so any possible attendance is due to me borrowing wheels for the weekend.

3/21 - Willie Nelson @ RodeoHouston - tempting ... very tempting.

3/27 - REO Speedwagon @ H-Town Arena - If you'd pay $50 to see these geezers play, you just might be a retard. Still, were tix any cheaper, I might consider it seeing as to how the arena is a mile from my apartment.

3/28 - Jason Ringenberg @ Continental Club - I'm there. Any willing accomplices email me.

4/11 - The Darkness @ Verizon Wireless - MOVED TO A BIGGER VENUE ... now taking ticket orders!!!! Tickets have been ordered on this one and are on the way. One extra is on hand in the event that anyone not otherwise contacted is interested. One person already with potential dibs on it, but nothing confirmed yet.

4/29 - Bowie @ CWMP - It'd qualify as ironic to catch the new Brit glamsters two weeks prior to catching the master on this date. I'd be lying if I said I could rule out the possibility. Never caught Bowie live in my life, and I'm sure it would qualify as a memorable experience.

6/4 - Aerosmith/Cheap Trick @ CWMP - I'd go to see Cheap Trick, but I hate seeing the ticket price jacked up for a bunch of has beens like Aerosmith.

6/25 - Vans Warped Tour @ Reliant Center - This is worth my interest for one reason: The Bouncing Souls will be there! In fairness, The Eyeliners will be there as well, and the sisters in that band are just too insanely hot to take a pass on. This event is worth a little exploration in that in wading through many crappy bands on display, there occassionaly is a standout or two that you learn of for the first time playing in some little record label booth. Lo-Ball is a previous fave of mine and were discovered in precisely that manner.

7/31 - Britney Spears @ CWMP - Mock me if you will, but its tempting.

Worth Adding:

Poison's Summer Tour starts sometime in June. No dates or cities. Poison may be worth a yawn over at this point, but its worth keeping an eye out for who they add to the bill. I'm partial to Cinderella, so that's my hope.

Movies: "CROSSING FLATBUSH"

A long-contemplated sequel to 1976's "Harry And Walter Go To New York" (a 19th-century bank heist farce with James Caan, Elliot Gould and Diane Keaton), ex-Lovin' Spoonful member Zal Yanovsky funded this unearthed project before his death in 2002. Along with the supporting part played by Michael Caine, all four principals to the action are reunited years later during an impromptu black mass at Grant's Tomb. The ceremony is a planned diversion staffed by innocent street people and concocted by the mysterious Edward Subitsky (played by Joey Bishop) in order to route the precinct cops away from a nearby Barnard College dormitory on 120th street. The building's basement contains a clandestine government lab operated by scientists Tim Conway and Harvey Korman, who have successfully bottled musician George Clinton's "funk juice" and the noisy experiments have caused aldermen and mayors from neighboring boroughs in the past to call out the National Guard. Caan and Gould attempt to steal the juice to sell it, pursued by bums from the mass who want to drink it. The whole thing culminates in an Ellis Island riot that produces a burst of hitherto unknown "funk waves" that set off NORAD alarms in the 5/4 time signature. Particularly effective is the scene in which Vietnam-era ELF receivers join mounts and high-kick across the front of the control bunker and out, stage right. The credits roll over a scene of police cruisers surrounding a dozen Hafler DH-500's in the middle of Flatbush Avenue.

Shown on the loading dock of the Alamo Draft House last Sunday, the unadvertised special was priced at free with at least one salad purchase.

Movies: HORROR HOTEL

Kudos to the Alamo Draft House for (a week ago tonight) showing the DVD release of the 1960 beginning of the witch movie craze, "CITY OF THE DEAD" (British Title). As HORROR HOTEL, the US got an early John Lewellyn Moxey effort (he also, until 1988 apparently, directed an overwhelming and diverse list of TV and film, varying in quality from ??? to fantastic; IMDB info at the link) that rivals Amicus and Hammer Studios spookiness. It's a film very much of its time, with some beatnik language and a bit of overacting from Christopher Lee (rather out of character since his many Dracula stints were usually a tad underplayed until the biting). But like it or not, the writer and director gave a great stable of actors enough to work with, such that unknowns and almost-unknowns get a real chance to shine. Pat Jessel, playing the secretive "Mrs. Newliss", gives the performance of her life, as far as I can gather from what I know of her non-Broadway work.

The more of this sort of starter film for careers in the making, the better. DVD quality is very good, possibly even restored, which is important for catching all the details in this noir/horror approach. Five stars out of five.

Movies: STARSKY AND HUTCH

Maybe it's a You-Had-To-Be-There thing, but television in the 1970's and early 1980's was not quite the same as today. It wasn't quite "Ozzie and Harriet" but nor was it "Married With Children" either. Fashion and technology were a bit different. But maybe the biggest difference was that plotting was generally a bit tighter, as well as that the background music tended toward more complex and traditional big-band arrangements rather than single-note sustains from one guy with a cello - or with a Casio pretending to be a cello. Openings had more visual explanatory introduction information to set up the conceit even if there wasn't a sixties-type theme song that overtly TOLD you what the predicament was.

The film STARSKY AND HUTCH is played almost perfectly straight. It's like television in 1975 - almost invariably an improvement over today even at worst, I say. Not only are the main methods of the source show reproduced, but the nuances of its trademark absurdly-detailed argument peek out now and again, in parody of the true-life fact that even the most mundane of us seem to have extensive knowledge of SOMETHING. Set dressing is quite fun, down to Starsky's pad with the all-in-one stereo with 8-track slot.

So take this one in and experience a refreshing lack of pretension. Many period songs emerge from the past (as in the other great period-music-use example film that comes to my mind, SCANDAL, about the British spy fracas of 1963 called the Keeler Affair, which used great original performances by Matt Monroe and Duane Eddy). One selection that snuck up on me was AWB's "Cut The Cake".

Pure Funk.

And this from a classical fan!

The Politico-esthetic Wonderland Of Cyberspace

Kill a fifth of something really cheap and buy this guy's films
Shoot up and vote for this guy
Paris Hilton? HA! Meet NU NU and NARNINI!!!
Better legs than Henry Kissinger?
You have 60 seconds to figure this one out
This one's real. Really.
A Haven Of All That Is Great About Our World

Movie Review: GatorBait

Let's start off with the most important element worth noting in this movie: Does Claudia Jennings have it going on, or what? But for mere fate of circumstance, this woman should have been giving Farrah Fawcett a run for her money back in the day. Instead, Fawcett gets a gig with Aaron Spelling, while Jennings hooks up with Roger Corman and the like. Just as well ... I don't recall Farrah giving us any nude shots in her TV work.

This one, however, starts with a subtle, but still gratuitous, breast shot of Claudia as she guides her boat through the swamps of Louisiana's cajun country. Aside from a few other cleavage shots and some excellent soft-porn shots of Claudia's legs and rear, the only other nudity we get is from her on-screen sister Julie (Janit Baldwin) bathing in the swamp. I don't recall whether or not there was nudity in her attempted rape scene, but its worth noting that the only penetration you see in that scene is FAR different from what you'd expect.

Aside from all this pointless entertainment, there's only hicksploitation to get you through the film. Imagine if you will ... Claudia making a getaway in the face of the town's sheriff, and the sheriff actually shaking a fist at her. It doesn't get more authentic than that. Pardon me while I flashback ...

Homer2: Get out here, son. There's a doin's a-transpiring! Let's shut the gate and seal them in! Bart: Gun it, Flanders! Ned: It won't start. Something's draining the battery. Homer: [using the oven] Sorry.

They drive toward the rapidly closing gate, barely scraping their way
out (they lose a bumper and a tire). Flanders moans, but Bart is
ecstatic.

Bart: We made it!
Everyone: Yay!
Homer: Woo hoo!
Bart: Eat my shorts, Shelbyville!
Bart+Homer: Eat my shorts!
Ned: Yes, eat _all_ of our shirts.
[Homer2 and Shelby shake their fists at them]
Homer2: Ooh, you lousy Springfielders, you -- shake harder, boy!

Yeah, it was a lot like that.

Summing up the movie, I'll say it wasn't half bad, and most of that was because, as stated, Claudia Jennings has it going on. The film just reeked of mid-70s drive in cinema, and that's a good thing for Weird Wednesday.

OK, now backtrack with me. As most WW afficianados are aware, the pre-movie offerings tend to be a bit out of the ordinary. This time around, we were offered up Bumfights. Here, I've got to admit something. I've got my limits, and Bumfights exceeds that. The premise is this ... run around with a video cam and offer homeless bums to do any number of weird acts, in some cases criminal. The people behind the movies have been arrested and charges have been laid (no homework yet done to indicate jail time served, though). Its pretty nauseating, and that's being kind.

Of particular insult to intelligence is the Bum Hunter series (no, its not gay porn), in which one of the offending types is seen immitating the Crocodile Hunter in tracking down bums by literally waking them in their sleep and in some cases wrestling them to the ground. The point being to dehumanize these people while mocking them. The only way I can sum it up is being morally pornographic. I'd personally be just as well if the Alamo not show them again, and I'm not one for moralizing sermons. I mean, after all, I was there to see Gator Bait.

The irony is in noting that somewhere, a line is crossed in the exploitation of others. The Blaxploitation and Hixploitation genres are well known, and some films are certainly better than others on a host of categories. Likewise, there's a wide audience that would just as soon have nothing to do with either of even these genres. But is there a moral equivalence to mocking big fat southern sheriffs in the manner that Gator Bait does and (to use one of the more borderline moments of BumFights), paying a bum whatever sum it took to get a huge tattoo of the word "BUMFIGHTS" on his forehead?

Regardless of where one stands on the place in society (and/or the Alamo) for this ... well, whatever it is ... "Schlock" is just too kitschy for it, "filth" perhaps a bit too judgemental for now (although I reserve the right to revisit this decision) ... one thing we can all agree on. There was nothing done by any party there to deserve witnessing the genitalia of the elderly body-tattooed crackhead on the streets.

Alas, there is a sequel to Gator Bait, picking up the story 10 years later. Read the IMDB reviews and skip viewing it.

Great White Hits Town

Holy Crap ... Great White is coming to town! Ironically, I'm a bit more intrigued by the opening acts: a Metallica tribute band and an 80s tribute band.

But seriously ...

According to a recent Rolling Stone article, a Rhode Island promoter tried cobbling together a huge benefit at the Dunkin Donuts Center in Providence. The biggest names he could get to sign on were Lou Gramm of Foreigner and Starship featuring Mickey Thomas. A week before showtime, the promoter canceled the gig. You couldn't blame him -- only 15 tickets were sold.

I guess that all of that just makes sense. Why would a bunch of cool rockers -- or even Bon Jovi -- spend any hipster chits on fans of a band like Great White? After all, since they were Great White fans, they deserve only having the likes of the remnants of Foreigner, Starship, Quiet Riot, Poison and Iron Maiden to champion them, not to mention tribute bands without number. If you insist on being behind the times, don't expect Aerosmith, Sting or the Boss to play your tribute, no matter how many of your friends die with you, much less have your ilk mentioned at the Grammys.

And according to Potvin, you really shouldn't get caught in a disaster in a state like tiny heavily Democratic Rhode Island, a state with only four electoral votes, especially not when there's a Republican in the White House. The Rolling Stone article also makes that case, and at first it seems laughable. After all, you can't blame Dubya for everything, can you? He wouldn't be so cold-blooded as to assess the tragedy in terms of potential votes, would he?

Potvin thinks he would. "If we had more electoral votes up here, the state of Rhode Island would have had federal assistance," she flatly states. "There was a fire three years ago in Worcester, Massachusetts, that took the lives of six firefighters, and they received federal aid for their families. Not that they didn't deserve it, because after all, six people perished, and I completely understand that. But we have a hundred people dead, and 180 people injured, 64 children without one or both parents, and the entire government on both the state and federal level have basically thumbed their noses at this entire tragedy and brushed it under the rug as if it never happened."

Wait a minute -- even the state government has forsaken them? "Rhode Island has done nothing," Potvin says bitterly. "It's all over the newspapers -- we're winning Pulitzer Prizes for these journalists off of our backs, but that's it. The only people that have stepped in and really reached out and helped these people are grassroots efforts like the Station Family Fund. And the sad thing is we're all survivors ourselves. We're not professionals. We shouldn't have had to do this on our own."

No, they've got more important things to do, like undergo skin graft operations, deal with having one of their ears melted off, the aftereffects of fourth-degree burns that seared even their skulls, the depression, the nightmares, the parents that you'll never see again? Stuff like that. True, over $3 million has been raised by private donations, and that sounds like a lot, until you consider that one of the 180 survivors is facing $2 million in medical bills and another estimates his debt at $5 million. Rhode Island governor Donald Carcieri estimates the disaster's total price tag -- once you factor in all the long-term physical and mental rehab -- at a staggering $100 million.

Think about that sum for a while. Now consider this. If you made $35,000 a year, and saved every penny, it would take you only a little over 2,857 years to raise it.

Which is what Great White is trying to do. No, they don't think they can come up with it all, but they're doing their part. "We've been very grateful from the very beginning," says Potvin of the band's decision to start touring again. "Controversial or not, this is a band that could have gone and hung their heads and disappeared and had every excuse to do so. But they decided that the only thing they knew how to do was to pull themselves up and go out and tour and perform, because that's what they are -- performers. And so far they've been able to raise $70,000 for us, and they continue. Every show they do, they give us a portion. And they will probably continue to do that for a very long time."

Hey, at that rate, they'll only have to tour until about the year 3400. But at least someone is doing something for the Great White survivors, these people who committed the mortal sin of having questionable taste.

This disaster and our nation's reaction to it damn us all -- the government, the rock and music industry, the insurance industry, the media and everyone who thinks they're superior to Great White fans. You can take it to the bank: Had the hypothetical Stokes fire occurred, total strangers would have wept for all the lost beauty and talent, much as they did for Lady Diana. Well, the Great White fire did occur, and our compassion-fatigued, hipper-than-thou response was to crack sickly wise about singed mullets.

Shame on us. Shame on us all.

The political mumbo-jumbo and even the insurance wrangling, I'll leave aside. As one who's taken in many club shows - including several at Cardi's/Backstage over the course of 15 years - The Station tragedy struck a chord of another sort when it happened. I'm there immediately after the hockey game on Saturday.

Yet More Quizzes ...

Make of it what you will ... (personally, I'm a little confused by the third one)

What lesser-known Simpsons character are you?
Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.

What cartoon dog are you?

Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.

How SLUTTY are you?
Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.

How WHITE are you?
Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.

I Lied ... One More Passion Post

AN ACT OF 'PASSION'

NEW BRITAIN -- A local woman with psychological problems purposely drove her car into the water at A.W. Stanley Quarter Park in an attempt to re-enact a scene from the blockbuster film, "The Passion of the Christ," police said.

Did I miss something? When did Jesus drive a car into a lake in that movie?

Preview of DYNAMITE CHICKEN

This skit-and-cameo-based movie was totally unknown to me until I saw it listed at this provider of VHS and DVD rarities, about a third of the way down the list.

The IMDB writeup is here.

I've never seen it and have no idea what to expect. Be there.

Quickie Guide to Lee's Dracula Flicks

Thrillhouse caused this post, since he identified one of the Hammer/Lee Drac collaborations in his own collection. Here's the order and description of each:

HORROR OF DRACULA (1958) Acceptable rendition of the novel.
BRIDES OF DRACULA (1963) Cushing's Van Helsing character continues w/o Drac.
DRACULA: PRINCE OF DARKNESS (1966) Lush reading of the first resuscitation.
DRACULA HAS RISEN FROM THE GRAVE (1968) Script problems abound.
TASTE THE BLOOD OF DRACULA (1969) Ralph Bates' wayward nobility character spices things up a bit.
SCARS OF DRACULA (1970) Haven't seen it but reportedly it returns to the original novel somewhat.
DRACULA 1972 (1972) The plot moves into the then-present day, with oddball results. Interesting time capsule, though, and decent support from Cushing and others.
SATANIC RITES OF DRACULA (1973) The final film of the series, it's an attempt to put the story to rest. Could have been better - BUT it showcases the fantasmagoric Joanna Lumley in one of her earliest appearances. 245 on a scale of 100.

I own all flicks with Lee except SCARS OF DRACULA... at the moment!

NOTE: for newbies on this subject, the clearly superior ones are the first two with Lee, being HORROR OF DRACULA and DRACULA: PRINCE OF DARKNESS. Hammer at its best.

Scheduling The Oscars

A Clean and Boring Sweep (Via Calpundit I/II)

Might seem like a minor issue, but why on earth do The Oscars ceremony take so freakin' long every damn year? Calpundit is obviously irked by this issue. The show is scheduled for 3 hours, allegedly. The LA Times slips in a reference to a planned 3.5 hours scheduling. What bugs Cal, and perhaps bugs me slightly less so, is that when watching the show, where exactly does one see moments that were unnecessarily long? And considering that the show has gone over its allotted time for the full run of its televised history, should anyone be shocked?

But heres where this bugs me. Cal says the following last year:

It's pretty obvious that the show lasts exactly as long as the producers want it to. Consider: (a) it runs long every year, (b) every other award show ends within a few nanoseconds of the scheduled time, (c) the networks sell advertising time based on the length of the show, and (d) these guys are pros and know exactly how to time a show like this.

Whoa there ... advertising sales. That's key. If you knew a show was going on for 4 hours and would be on well past a lot of bedtimes on the east coast, how much do you think that ad slot is worth late in the show? A lot? Not really. Even if you factor in the suspense due to the big awards being saved for last, I suspect there's still a decrease in viewership ... maybe small, maybe large ... but eventually people tire. But you've also got to go by ratings that are comparable, and there's nothing to really suggest that midnight on Sunday is a good time to sell ad space.

So why bother telling everyone that its a 3-hour show? Because you've got to sell spots at the end with something of a straight face to let Proctor & Gamble know that their ad will be seen by X people for Y dollars.

Then again, why would advertisers be fooled by such a ruse?

In any event, its a minor diversion, I suppose. One commenter on Cal's site bothered to keep stats on the show's runtime over the last 6 showings:

1999 - 3:51
2000 - 4:15
2001 - 3:28
2002 - 4:21
2003 - 3:34
2004 - 3:45

Another commenter suggests that part of the reason may be another bit with ad sales ... those bought on condition that the show runs over. The ads might not run, so there's a variable factor at stake here ... but if you are running the show and you know you've got X number of extra ads that make it worthwhile to run a 4 hour show versus a 3:45 show, would you not take the 15 minutes and the cash?

Then again ... yet another commenter sums it up thusly: "Who cares?" Well, who cares which actor wins Best Actor? Who cares which documentary wins Best Documentary? Its all an idle diversion, I suppose. May as well jump in and enjoy the moment.

Preview to HORROR HOTEL

On the 8th, a local revival house theater is showing the 1960 Christopher Lee / Patricia Jessel feature "HORROR HOTEL" (British title: CITY OF THE DEAD). I encourage all to see it on the big screen, but to remember that it's not the sort of MST3K material that this crowd expects from the local theater, a place that's specialized in stuff from Troma Films and worse. I really don't know why they're showing it unless there's some general retro tendency afoot that I don't know about (which wouldn't be a bad thing to see).

To be sure, a few laughs will be found at the expense of some cheap effects and dated cool-cat music, but generally it won't be entertaining to someone expecting Ed Wood quality. Many things are done right in this British production made in the closing days of the Eisenhower administration, and to "get" the film, perhaps it's necessary to mentally put yourself back into that time and place, predating the Cuban Missile Crisis, the Keeler Affair, the Berlin Wall construction, etc. Film was subtle compared to today, and maybe that places this film beyond the understanding of many. Give this one a chance anyway. There's a difference to this "witch" movie bordering on a time travel paradox. The approach is one of a few I don't recall being re-used lately.

Theater link
IMDB film listing

One More Passion Post

'666' On 'Passion' Tickets Causes Stir

Before I go into this comedic episode, I feel its worth noting how well the movie did in sparking debate and conversation over any number of aspects of religion. That said, while reading this article, I was reminded of a conversation overheard by two assclowns in the theater while I took the movie in (names changed to protect the hedonistic):

SCENE: Inside the movie theater, seated about halfway up, two merry souls eagerly await the upcoming film while bracing themselves for the endless stream of movie trailers depicting upcoming films.
GW: I hope they show the preview for Kill Bill.
JY: I want to see the preview of that new dinosaur movie.

I swear ... we were the only two to get that exchange. Sad, really.

ADD-ON: This article on a Gibson interview is, even still sadly, in the same realm. I've not spent too much time poring over much of the contraversial elements surrounding the film's release ... whether or not the Pope thought the movie authentic or not ... whether Mel's dad is an anti-Semetic crank ... its all a sideshow as far as I'm concerned. But this one ....

Gibson, interviewed by the Herald Sun in Australia, was asked if Protestants are denied eternal salvation. "There is no salvation for those outside the (Catholic) church," Gibson replied. "I believe it."

... takes the cake. Curious, in case anyone knows from whence this bit of dogma comes from: When did this rule pop up? Anyone???

Fight The Man by Voting For Him!

I'm not suggesting that punk rock is inherently liberal, left-leaning, or whatever ... maybe it is. Maybe its just the caricatured remains of the anarchist elements within the culture. No telling. But take one look at the site below and tell me how fast your head is spinning?

Conservative Punk Magazine

LOTR takes a bunch of awards

My compliments to all involved in the LOTR triple-threat, but there's something fishy about it. Not with the wonderful movies or the fact that they're honored but, as pointed out by folks long before me, Hollywood seems to have a problem with the assessing of honor to films that present moral conflict in ways OTHER than LOTR does it (in the realm of fantasy). An example of the problem would be the lack of honor accorded the great William Holden film "Executive Suite" (also with Barbara Stanwyck). Concerning a board fight for control of a furniture company with a respected history, it reveals the concerns of many wings of this human endeavor while never yielding either to enemy-of-the-people demonism or to "gray flannel suit" character portrayal (in that the guy devoted to the job MUST suffer in all other areas). It's a story about management concerns that indicates the possibility of handling one's working affairs in the actual REAL world with equity (as opposed to the theory that all companies are Enron... don't laugh. Maybe none of us believe this but we all know at least a couple who really do).

Also note that "Casablanca" would not disprove my thesis since it's not a consistently moral statement. To be sure, there's much that's EMOTIONALLY positive but Rick flakes out several times, as when he states that two people's problems aren't "worth a hill of beans in this crazy world". And where the film does intellectually tie thoughts and words to deeds, the specifics can be mistaken for (my patented phrase here) mere politics. The Nazi invaders are merely CONSIDERED as and understood as bad; they aren't analysed or explained (as in another little-honored film, "The Stranger", with Loretta Young and Orson Welles).