December 31, 2004
Social Register
Tonight - NewYearsUberEve; bring GPS unit, mace and cuffs
January 8 - special movie event at Ralphieboy's place. A select group of wackos will get instructions later on the showing of the art film (no, really) "The Night Porter" (it's all Allie and Mary's idea), on the Saturday a week following UberEve. Cocktails at 7:30, small room jokes at 7:31, film at 8:45 (if Mary has to work; earlier if not). Uber's rental list is thoughtfully providing the feature; backup movie if delivery fails: PRISCILLA: QUEEN OF THE DESERT... or maybe Dracula: Prince Of Darkness.
December 30, 2004
Come Fly With Me....
Well damn! Guess who has been put on the No Fly List? I know, it's a shocker! During a recent journey to the depths of furniture country, I was stopped every time from checking into the automated kiosks, forcing a more involved authentication measure in which I had to stand there when the airline attendants called someone in Washington and had to ask me a few times for my middle name and other information. Fortunately, I was finally able to coax out of one lady the cause of all the hubbub, and she also gave me a piece of paper by which I could expedite manners in future flights.
Now, being on this list also entitles you to so many more entertaining procedures than the normal flier. Your belongings are all sorted through in front of the other passengers (I pitied the man who had to rifle through my dirty underwear and socks). In addition, I had 4 S's on my ticket, which is a keyword for them to put you through the special security. I decided to have a little fun with this in little backwoods NC airport. Let me set the scene for you. Gigantic man wearing a hot pink t-shirt, grey sweatpants, white socks and black slippers comes up singing songs from "Annie". Do you really want to be the person to pat him down? Well, someone had to. They explained what a metal detector was (ummm, just a wild guess, but doesn't it detect metal?), then proceeded to run it all over me. After that half-hour was done, they did the pat-down. Just prior to the pat-down, I was asked how I was doing. In my highest sing-song voice, I told them I was doing FABULOUS! That raised more than a few eyebrows in Nascar country, I tell you what. Fortunately, there was no rectal examination, as I would have had to stay in character and tell them with a wink "Be gentile, I've never done this before". Eventually I was through security, and well on my way to flying. Ah, the efficiencies of the airline industry and the TSA. Your tax dollars at work.
What really puzzles me is how I came to be on this list. I'm not a violent man. Never really been in too many fights, never threatened anything more than throwing poo at someone, and never really had it in for anyone other than Ronald McDonald (I hate clowns). I suspect I'm on the list because I voted for the challenger in the last presidential election. I wonder if GWB is just sitting in Crawford pouring over lists of Democrats and thinking up ways to punish them all? What about Teddy Kennedy? Is he on the No Driving List? We all know he should be. Seriously, I have no idea how I got on this list. But I'm determined to find out!
December 24, 2004
Mechanical Pong
Yet another reason why we will all one day bow before our German Overlords. The most amazing video available right here. Completely work safe, but I am not liable for your jaw dropping out of its socket.
Rating the New Napster
I was all set to give the new Napster a favorable review, but then when I went to search for tunes by The Dropkick Murphys, I found they have nothing from them. Utterly disappointing!
Still, the new program is less of a hassle than the previous virus collector that it used to be. $10 a month and I get just about the best radio station I can cobble together in addition to the stuff I presently stash in the form of MP3s. The $1 downloads, I'm growing accustomed to. Considering the first purchase spared me the expense of having to purchase a rare $50 CD from The Wildhearts in order to jam out to my favorite tune by them, I consider it a plus right there.
Mexican Food: The Traditional Christmas Eve Dinner
Fine dining tonight at Taqueria Mexico near the corner of Bellaire & Hillcroft ... any co-conspirators seeking above average dining before dealing with family and whatnot, drop a comment or email me. Thinking 7ish.
December 23, 2004
Gifts For Goths
Via The Morning News, I see there's ACTUALLY a line of hair care products targetted specifically for the goth community. If it weren't for the commentary, I'd cry ....
The only drawback is that having manageable hair will give the recipient one less thing to mope about, but if that translates into a net decrease in the amount of maudlin and self-indulgent poetry he posts to his LiveJournal, then, really, it’s your gift to the entire internet.
NOW, I see the light ....
ADD-ON: If you're gift-giving needs go beyond the goth crowd, consider the gift that keeps on giving (plus makes the last place you'd think needs to smell minty fresh do JUST that!)
December 19, 2004
Conundrum ....
Ya know, I feel for Kirstie Alley in her struggle with her girth. I mean, c'mon ... was there a hotter babe on TV than when she was on Cheers? So it is that I now find myself wondering the following:
Would I still find her hot if she dropped the weight tomorrow knowing what she'd look like the next time she ballooned up? ... or do I just write her off as yet another Scientology freak and never worry about this matter again?
Still ... gimme a time machine back to 1983 and I'd do her.
For the present, there's always the concern that Jenna Elfman has been lost to scientology. Hmmm ... Kirstie who?
December 18, 2004
UPDATE! Casa Del Ralphie UPDATE!
Uber says it's on the way via the new Blockbuster DVD service, namely "The Night Porter" (Charlotte Rampling, Dirk Bogarde 1974). I understand that there are good AND BAD things about the film, WHICH I HAVE NOT SEEN EITHER.
Usual suspects so far: Thrillhouse, Ralfyboi, Uber, Zweeb, Mary, Allie. Date: January 8. Time: 7pm ish. Directions to follow via carrier pigeon...
December 16, 2004
Convocational Proposal
If we have a quorum of followers of this blog (The Regulars), how does Jan. 9th sound for an evening at the Abode of Ralphieboy for a certain film? This is a week after the Uber Event and before many go back to college or whatever.
Be warned that my place is much smaller than Uber's and could adequately service only 8-10 people - but that would probably be the number interested in the film mentioned earlier by myself and Zweibel in hushed tones.
Other dates suggested?
December 15, 2004
You saw the one for the ladies, now one for the fellas!
Japanese 'lap pillow' offers solace to lonely men
December 14, 2004
The Future
Since someone thinks they can see in my future, how about I return the favor:
Man annoys neighbors by living with 300 goats
This and Howard Dean all from one state...
December 12, 2004
Thanks Allie!
My work party (with the free feed and progressive gift exchange madness) was last night at the new building and I needed a date. Fortunately, Allie was able to make time for this, in spite of a schedule even more demanding than MY Saturday. The work crowd now has a far better impression of me than they ought to have; Allie was easily the most beautifal woman in the joint. I couldn't have made a bigger splash if I'd walked in with Heidi Klum. For spicing up the Director's party, I could get a promotion out of this. Thanks, girl.
December 11, 2004
To See Before I Die
Movies I need to see before I die:
Ringo - a Ringo Starr TV special with John Ritter, Carrie Fisher and Vincent Price? Color me there!
Santa Claus Conquers The Martians - Thanks to the Dollar Store, I recently acquired a copy of this. I hope it's as bad as some people say
Santa Claus - Santa, Merlin and Mexicans. Can there be any greater thing? And as coincidence would have it, this is also a Dollar Tree DVD for the Christmas season.
Song of the South - when I was about 8, this was re-released with much bruhaha. People were protesting the film as racist, although not in the little part of the world where I grew up. In the 2 screen theater, the movies playing were Soul Man and Song of the South. When my parents took my teenaged sisters and I to the matinee (which, if I recall correctly, cost about $2.50 per person), my sisters bugged the folks to go see Soul Man until they acquieced. Sadly, this was the last time Song of the South was released in the US.
How I Won The War - John Lennon as a soldier. Just think about that one a few seconds...
Any other recommendations?
December 10, 2004
A LINK
from the former lead singer for A Certain Early 90's RetroPsycho band.
You're welcome.
Redefining "Cold Turkey"
Man Charged With Sandwich Rage in Houston Dec 10, 9:38 AM (ET)HOUSTON (AP) - Road rage? Try restaurant rage. A 34-year-old man apparently angry that his $6 steak and cheese sandwich was too cold was arrested on a charge of threatening to kill the restaurant manager Wednesday.
Police said the manager offered to reheat Devlin B. Nelson's sandwich or make him a new one when he complained. Authorities allege he instead demanded a refund, threw the sandwich at the manager, then threatened to kill her and blow up the restaurant.
Nelson, a Houston public works employee, has been relieved of his duties pending the outcome of the investigation. He remained in custody Thursday.
Just for Uber ....
[Stewie is sitting in between Meg and Peter dressed like a prostitute]
[to Meg] "It's eerie, isn't it. Like looking into the future."
December 09, 2004
GET AN EDUCATION, YOU TWITS
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Hey, now!
It appears our very own Ralphie became quite the smitten kitten this past Saturday! And far be it for me to interfere with Ralphie's shot at making time with the new local hotties: Go forth and mac, daddy!!
December 06, 2004
Damn Funny....
The 10 Least Successful Holiday Specials of All Time
I count at least two of these tweaking Ralphie's interest... the rest are such dreck that only the other three of this posse could possibly withstand watching them.
December 05, 2004
RHPS 12.4.2004 Webster Dollar Cinema
The sound channels totally failed for an entire verse during the Floor Show scene - and much of the audience sang along well enough to keep the dance together until the soundtrack returned.
A "CENSORED" scrim was placed over the Rocky/Janet appearance... just in case.
An unidentified guy in ordinary street clothes was seen running behind Eddie for no apparent reason.
Not bad for finals week.
December 03, 2004
The Social Scene
Personages among the cool set noted at Katz's last night included Zweeb, Mary, Ciara, Rachel, Lauren, Jeff and Ralfie. Matters brought up for discussion included the Katz's feature, a "Fifth Avenue" drink resembling a spiked chocolate shake, and other subjects such as Ralfie's ancient yet functional cell phone, world politics/culture/garbage truck design and Uber's social security number.