ClownCarBlog.com

Media Event Today

I may be involved in a political event TODAY that may yet even see coverage, not just on national media but on gregsopinion.com.

To wit, I have a statement for the press:

"Space creatures conspiring with the former Soviet government already control our thoughts and I'm the only one that knows."

That will be my only comment to the fourth estate about this matter. Thank you.

Stranger Than Fiction

Imagine, if you will, that Uber, Ralphie, and myself had all morphed into one living, breathing soul. I suspect this is pretty much what you'd get.

OKAY -

What's gone WRONG with the world?!

I'll tell ya, no good deed goes unpunished...

Hey, As Long as the Weathergirl Is Still Delivering the news ....

Slowest news day ... ever.

Guard Donkeys?

This, my friends, is the single most authoritative reporting done on goat farming you would ever need. I don't know why you might need it, nor am I to judge anyone should they need it a little more than most. But there ya go.

After reading it, if anyone can come up with some research into the use of guard donkeys, I'm all ears on that one!

UPDATE: This is fascinating. The Texas Department of Agriculture has a reader on the use of donkeys as guardians of one's flock.

And in case there was ever any doubt ....

Social Calendar From Hell

So many events to choose from ...

Some State Quarters...

you may not have seen:

I said, "Hey, babe..."

" ...take a walk on the wild side"

(the classic recordings of the Francis E. Dec rants by "Doc on the Roc" of KROQ-FM, Los Angeles; not particuarly work-safe)

This stuff may have been posted here before, but why not again? After all, we here no doubt presume that this is the mental content of all the other participants, except Allie. I recall rant 3 as being the most entertaining.

Here's The Beef

Couldn't resist putting this one under the 'food' heading...

Menu Problem

Freebird!

Ever wondered how the tradition of yelling "Freebird!" at a concert started? No? Well what the hell's wrong with you?

Anyways, the WSJ digs deep into this pressing issue of the day and devotes mass quantities of ink and bandwidth to it (not quite sure how the Laffer Curve got worked into the angle, but whattaya gonna do) ...

Kevin Matthews is a Chicago radio personality who has exhorted his fans -- the KevHeads -- to yell "Freebird" for years, and claims to have originated the tradition in the late 1980s, when he says he hit upon it as a way to torment Florence Henderson of "Brady Bunch" fame, who was giving a concert. He figured somebody should yell something at her "to break up the monotony." The longtime Skynyrd fan settled on "Freebird," saying the epic song "just popped into my head."

Mr. Matthews says the call was heeded, inspiring him to go down the listings of coming area shows, looking for entertainers who deserved a "Freebird" and encouraging the KevHeads to make it happen.

But he bemoans the decline of "Freebird" etiquette. "It was never meant to be yelled at a cool concert -- it was meant to be yelled at someone really lame," he says. "If you're going to yell 'Freebird,' yell 'Freebird' at a Jim Nabors concert."

Well, now I know how to conduct myself when Jim Nabors goes a-touring next time.

You Thought I Was Kidding?!?!?!?

For Ulysses ...

"Tracey Ullman Takes On" ... now on HBO.

Meanwhile, Janie is utterly mortified at what she has just done with Chic in his filthy, flea-ridden apartment. Now that the world's not ending, she's going to have to live with this horrible memory. But it can't have been too horrible, as she gives him her private phone number. Never use the switchboard, she tells him. As she leaves, he tells her to mind the goat.

At long last ... goat sex goes highbrow! Ironically, I think this really does indicate the end of the world. Ohh, pardon me for a sec ... the horsemen of the apocolypse are at my door.

Later....

Theologies Involving Lizards Still Frighten Me

Finally, a quiz I'm too afraid to take ...

Molly & the Ringwalds In Review

On a whim, I decided I'd pretty much had enough of staring at the four walls of the home office and made it a point to get out on a Friday night. After devoting some time and energy into giving a little online advice regarding a new Houston tourist wanting some hotspots (the old fashioned kind, not the Starbucks kind) to hit in town, I recommended the Continental Club, having been there once and knowing their reputation for some good regional music. Noticed that a band I'd heard of for a good long while was playing and I'd never managed to take them in. So with that, let me start with something that just needs to be said:

Witnessing Molly & the Ringwalds is a religious experience. I'm not quite sure what it is I've been converted to exactly, but I'm sold. To the uninitiated, here's the lowdown: 80s cover band that accentuates the fun of that era. Hot chicks at vox and keys ... dudes rounding out the remainder of the band. No disrespect to dudes ... I just don't swing that way and see no point in diminishing the strongest selling point of the band. Let's observe, shall we ...

This should be making more sense by now. As evidenced by the estrogen factor present (and wonderfully represented, if I may dare say so without discouraging future attendance by some of Houston's finest), the band draws a sizable portion of females as well. So I fully realizing that my own observations from the male point of view will limit the depth and understanding that I'm about to drop on the band to a bunch of weirdos kinda like me. Such is life, I guess.

Don't be fooled for a second into thinking that any mere 80s cover band won't impress you. If you've not seen this band yet, your life is severely lacking. And I say this after an early arrival to the club, catching sound check, and witnessing the capable Dekan Ringwald botch the guitar solo to a tune I dig on way too many levels (Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again"). I also had to witness the always lovely Jennifer Ringwald botch some lines in the tune - granted, I think she was fiddling with the sound system behind me. I would have turned around, stared, and gawked, but quite frankly, I didn't want the evening to start off with a restraining order. That's just bad form.

So let me add some cavaets here ... the band, musically, is not the tightest outfit in the closet. The heavy metal tunes aren't all that heavy. Some tunes suffer from the overly-even-keel tempo treatment or lack of overdrive on the guitars. There's some occassional slopiness that you'd expect of a band that pretty much does the same thing every Friday night at a club that doesn't charge at the door.

BUT ... and I cannot stress this enough ... it doesn't matter. And it shouldn't dissuade any Ringwald newbies from taking in a show (or two, or a thousand). The band is loads of fun and that radiates in beams from the stage. That was pretty much the 80s I remember (at least the musical parts). Point being, don't go there expecting to judge the band ala Simon Cowell and critique the songs that are a bit lacking. Just have fun. The band does about 90% of the work for you, and that's quite a feat. With all the bouncing, twirling, shaking, and gyrating on the stage, you'd swear that Shakira herself had nothing on Jennifer and Carrie.

Speaking of which ... where I sense I'll eventually land in some trouble is over my newfound appreciation for all things Carrie and Jennifer. Jennifer is the front and center portion of the band and bears an absolutely striking resemblence to one of my alltime favorite television crushes: Kimmy Gibler (ed. note - dont' judge me). What becomes rather evident sooner rather than later is that Jennifer's voice is incredible. Sure, there's a few songs it's not a good fit for. But the Debbie Harry is dead-on and the Rik Okasek and David Coverdale are oddly great in their own right. Kim Wilde's "Kids in America" was a personal fave from the show. Made me forget all about the fact that I never got around to requesting Scandal's "Goodbye to You." Maybe next time.

The other half of the female portion of the band is the keyboardist: Carrie Ringwald. Equally as lovely, but with a more subdued personality and all too often hidden away behind the keyboards. But more than a pretty face, there's the occassional glimpses of real talent and ability. I'd rank the keyboard riffs in The Beatles' "Get Back" as a nifty little demonstration of such. What? You didn't know the Beatles were an eighties band? Trust me, by the time they did this tune, it was late in the show and after watching both Jenn and Carrie dance around in short skirts (as well as a few beers), nobody was asking questions.

One aspect of the degree of fun is the Ringwald Karaoke, whereby those with funds for a tip drop a few bucks and a slip of paper into a bucket and you get to sing with the band backing you. Fortunately, we had with us, Uber (aka - "Big James"). What would happen by the time the band started up on the Stray Cat classic, "Rock This Town" will likely cause legions of fans to tell stories for eons about this night. I think I can safely say that the course of music history has been set on its head. From the opening refrains from this award-winning karaoke artist, backed by an award winning cover band, sheer magic happened, as a big fat man brought the house down, garnering one of the loudest applauses at the outset of his performance, as well as another ovation later, as he left early to make it to a "dinner appointment."

So there ya go ... a fun time was had by all. A rocking good band that's worth catching is now on your radar (if it wasn't already). They hit the stage at the Continental Club, Fridays at 7ish. The crowd is a blast, the beer is cheap, and you can stick around for the prime-time band afterwards if you want. Heck, you can even join the Carrie/Jennifer Ringwald Fan Club that I'm likely to start up soon. And if none of that rocks your world, well phhht! Make it to the show ... and have fun while you're at it.

SIDENOTE: Kudos to Uber/Big James for noting the Jennifer/Kimmie resemblence. After wondering who it was that Carrie reminded me of, it was our third compatriot (Ulysses) who noted a strong resemblence to former MTV VeeJay, Kennedy.

SIDENOTE 2.0 All photos gratuitously lifted from the Ringwalds' site and hosted locally so as to not drain precious Ringwald bandwidth. There's more, though ... loads more. Proceed henceforth and commence staring in amazement.

UBER IS INSANE

The member of this body entitled "Uber" has recently emitted the desire for me to sing Karaoke songs in his presence.

Call the guys with the butterfly nets.

However, one must note that butterfly-net-swinging ambulance drivers have not prevented this body from convening for various catastrophes in the past. So I propose...

... that if I am whacked enough to sing for clownish cabal members, that the selections from which to choose shall be:

Muffin Man - Frank Zappa
Wind Up Working In A Gas Station - Frank Zappa
Uncle Remus - Frank Zappa
Broken Hearts Are For Assholes - Frank Zappa
Big Leg Emma - Frank Zappa
The Illinois Enema Bandit - Frank Zappa (would be hard to fill Ray White's main vocalist shoes there, though)
Carolina Hard Core Ecstasy - Zappa/Beefheart/Mothers of Invention

and several command performances like

Paperback Writer (only if Annie Lennox and Chaka Khan were backup singers and the band was the Patti Smith Group ca. 1980

Tammi (the Debby Reynolds number) - backed by the Dead Kennedys

They're Coming To Take Me Away Ha Haaa - if Uber learns drums

anything by Allan Sherman, preferably backed by Jews

LA Woman (Billy Idol single edit) with Ray Manzarek on keys

So You Want To Be A Rock And Roll Star - Patti Smith Group version - and with entire group including producer Todd Rundgren reunited

Ups And Downs - Paul Revere and the Raiders reunited

I'll Feel A Whole Lot Better - with Roger McGuinn on electric 12-string

Don't Come Knockin' - the Fats Domino number with Dr. John on keys

Folsom Prison Blues - with Johnny Winter and his metal National dobro lap steel turned up to 11 so you have to yell over him to hear your own monitor feed

... and if somebody from a certain cast can help with the black drag,
"Save The Best For Last" from the closing credits of you-know-what.

Let's Get It On...

James Lileks throws down some ideas for Ralphie to chew on regarding The Fountainhead:

It's billed as a romance, and rightly so; we all know that human relationships was the author's strong point. (coff.) Yes, it's the book every 20 year old should read, and every 30 year-old should forget! The Fountainhead! Coming to a theater - a weak, spineless, committee-designed and aesthetically compromised auditorium for collectivist sheep - near you.

Note to Rand fans who want to contest my assertion that the book should be read when you're 20 and forgotten when you're 30: I intend no disrespect towards your feelings about "The Fountainhead," but it's a novel. Yes, it's fun, yes, it has Thrilling Passages, yes it's full-strength objectivism and yes it's a great source for late-night arguments that reflect on the world in which we the living live, but it struck me as cardboard opera. At its best it's an introduction to a line of thought every kid should read, so they can work out their own ideas in accordance - or opposition - to the book's provocative notions of the individual 's relation to society. But for some it's Dianetics for nerds.

The NERVE

of this person...

White Collar TV

What in the holy heck is Kelsey Grammer doing with a sketch comedy show? Four minutes into the show and there's already two skits involving armored knights. Cripes, what's on PBS???

UPDATE: OK, I spoke too soon. Six minutes in and there's already a psychiatrist bit on. Wow, there's a saving grace if I've ever seen one.

Random Outtakes From a Hectic Life

MORE tales of laptop glory

After a long process in the middle of my move, the infamous Windows ME hard drive has been wiped...

and replaced with a Reiser filesystem (Linux) for good measure. That way, the 98 install program won't have the option of re-using any pre-existing (read: CORRUPT, MISPLACED, INACCURATE, IRRELEVANT, OUTDATED OR STUPIDLY WRITTEN) files or structures, but will have to do a full install - for real, as opposed to what any canned prompts may erroneously claim.

So after the move (2 weeks or so), I'll take it back to the school and borrow a power supply again and see if the thing boots from the 98 install cd. At that point, Thrillhouse will know if I got the Bios to cooperate, if the install worked, and therefore if he should spring for a NEW power supply (remember the recent recall of these little suckers, which argues against buying used).

Isn't this fun?

But when will a "cap and trade" market be established?

At long last, one of societies oft-ignored topics makes the major news outlets.

No, I'm not talking about blogging ... worse ... far worse.

Tales of Laptop Glory

Or something. The skinny:

Haven't wiped the laptop hard drive yet due to being uncertain about the right connections to make inside the host desktop, but DID get the right connection made to boot the laptop HD inside the desktop as though my machine is the laptop. Got the thing to the update page and have done a few of the SIXTY EIGHT needed patches and things. The ME build is already somewhat more stable; I'll find out about what connection to make for the wipe at the club meet on Wednesday, but it might be interesting to update this sucker until Thrillhouse gets the replacement AC power supply (hopefully not one involved in the recent Dell recall of those things) so as to determine how much about ME fixes Redmond's learned in the last 3 years. Maybe not much, but I'll give them their due since the fixes are gratis.

On Politics, Beer ... and yes, Goats

Jeez Louise ... all clownish interests seem to converge on this little ditty:

Dear St. Arnold's Army:

The November voting season may seem like ancient history, but here are three things that deal with voting in some form:

WE ARE SEEKING ANYBODY WITH ANY STATE POLITICAL CONNECTIONS

The Texas Legislature is in their biannual session right now which means if we want any changes to the laws, now is the time to act, and fast! We are looking for anybody that has any connections with any of our state legislatures. Perhaps you work for one, or your wife or husband does, or you have beers with one, or perhaps you have a compromising picture of one with a goat. If you do have any such connections and you would be willing to introduce us, please let us know. The specific law that we would like to see changed is to allow small breweries to have dock sales (the ability to sell packaged beer to go at the brewery). Texas wineries can do it, but breweries cannot. This would especially help with kegs.

Seriously ... did anyone see this convergence of interests ever happening? I don't know whether to be impressed or appalled.

Compu-Follies

I was recently entrusted with the experimental repair of a P1 laptop owned by Thrillhouse. Investigations proceed...

Discovery One: hope Thrillhouse went ahead with the external power supply purchase, since the charge doesn't hold too well past a week. I can borrow a unit from work again, though, under the worst conditions; that may not be necessary due to various positive developments, though.

Discovery Two: the connection dongle (a hardware adapter) that I borrowed from somebody at the users' group (that's COMPUTER users) was constructed for ordinary ATA's, not laptop hard drives, so another dongle will have to be located, borrowed, or ideally purchased since I think I could use one for future laptop surgery.

Discovery Three: One of my Phillips bits for the ratchet driver was small enough to fit the screws on the HD retainer, so access was gained to that subassembly.

Bottom Line - the location of a suitable dongle adapter is the only thing standing in the way (barring the obtaining of an AC power supply) to being able to use a conventional desktop to dongle into the removed laptop HD, wipe ME off of it and install damn near anything (although we, darn it, agreed on an updated load of plain old 98, which would not rag out the processor too badly). It would be so nice to see if Bell Labs Plan 9 would work on this video arrangement, but maybe some other time (and in my experience it probably wouldn't work).

So progress is afoot; I should be able to identify the right adapter and a purchase source at the computer meet tonight.

ISN'T HARDWARE WONDERFUL??

In the middle of my move...

(occurring between the 5th and the 18 of this month), I thought I'd take time out of my busy schedule to give you

THIS LITERARY NOTE

- not particularly worksafe...