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The Goatenberg

Oh, the humanity!

The Meme That Simply Will Not Die

» 'Killer of Sheep': Its Time Has Come, So Flock to It (Ann Hornaday)

As a portrait of displacement and impending doom, "Killer of Sheep" possesses a mournful, almost elegiac power, casting a wistful glance back to a disappearing way of life even as it looks forward with wary apprehension. But take another look, and "Killer of Sheep" brims with humor and compassion and hope as Burnett pays homage to making do with what's at hand.

You might even want to think about seeing it more than once.

With a title and review like that, how could you not?!?!?

Protophilosophical Prognosticlivities

Peter Marshall:
Paul, why are forest rangers in remote locations ordering goats as standard equipment?

Paul Lynde:
Because the sheep are wising up.

How do we keep this story from eventually surfacing here?...

Barf.

Oh, The Humanity ...

or: "Oh, the Horny Manatee"

Conan O'Brien should be ashamed of himself. And the more times I watch this, the more ashamed I think he ought to be. And right now, I'm thinking he should be VERRRRRY ashamed.

Too Sick For Even This Site

3 Goats Spray Painted, Found Surrounded by Porn

Dear lord, who thinks of these things? What is the reasoning behind it? And why the spray paint? Won't somebody please think of the children???

Be Careful of What You Wish For ...

My return has been delayed for far too long. Start appreciating the good ol' days ...

Sex show boasts a goat but no orgy

TWO actors, a 4m cube, seven short plays: Sex:Cubed examines sex from various angles, attitudes and persuasions. In reality it isn't that frightening.

The writers use the opportunity to talk a lot about sex. There are some awful cliches, the usual stereotypes, lots of quirky dialogue, a little leather, but not a whole lot of action going on.

There are also some beautifully written pieces that explore the despair and tragedy sometimes associated with sex and obsession. And yes, in a show-stealing role, there's a live goat.

On the plus side, at least the dialogue with the goat wasn't "quirky."

This Is Just Wrong.

I just saw "My Little Chickadee" (Mae West, W.C. Fields 1940) and it was generally very enjoyable.

However, there's this part with a goat in a bed...

Does this get you all hot and bothered?

Fred Garvin, State Representative

Well, at least I mention this sort of thing least. I mean about the g-- No, we won't go there.

Goat Alert in the Mainstream Blogosphere

The torch has been passed:

SOMETHING INTERESTING! My main concern about recent liberal scandal-mongering has been worry that, at some fundamental level, nobody cares about this. As the chief of staff in The Contender says to his own muckraking team: "Stocks? You brought me stocks? I want something interesting -- goats! little boys!" That's what the people care about. Not it seems that we may have a sex angle to the Duke Cunningham story as we learn that lobbyist Brad Wilkes ran a "hospitality suite with several bedrooms" at two different Washington, DC hotels. This is a family blog (except for the stuff about goats) so I won't spell out one's potential concerns about the sort of "hospitality" on offer at these suits, but it certainly could stand some inquiry.

--Matthew Yglesias

Goats ... there's nothing they can't do!

Second thought: Did I get out of this business of goats while the getting was good?

"Can your stomach stand the shocking facts..."

"Sex Party" mom (who just got 30 years) picture here

Everything's Back to Normal

Via the Chron ...

In Houston's Third Ward, a large white goat sat carefree on a porch of a two-story house at Cleburne and Dowling, near Texas Southern University. Licking his coat and observing cars that passed by, he seemed unaffected by the aftermath of Hurricane Rita. But so did the rest of the area. Most of the damage, which appeared to be minimal, came in form of fallen trees and tree limbs. The streets were virtually empty, cluttered with branches and leaves, and stores remained closed. Some of the windows of houses were boarded, including one house at the corner of Dowling and Wichita. The boards were spray painted with the words, "Katrina, Katrina. We're here and so is our 9 (9mm gun).''

Don't act so surprised.

Yet Worse Than We Imagined

OH ... MY ... GOD ... AGAIN!!! And yet, I can't help but notice that the rabbit seems a bit undisturbed about the whole thing. Still, questions abound. For instance ... "Guinea Pig?"

I should probably just stop there.

Is This a Revival?

OH ... MY ... GOD!!! It's worse than we ever thought. And yet ... the link is completely work-safe. Go figure.

Junk Goats, Belt Buckles, and "Heritage things"

Too much good material to take out of context here. I defy anyone to read this without cracking up over an otherwise innocent paragraph.

My own personal fave:

Another organizer, Pierce Holt, once chased quarterbacks for a living in the National Football League as an All-Pro defensive end for the San Francisco 49ers and Atlanta Falcons.

After retiring in 1993, Holt bought a ranch outside Eldorado, and he now raises about 700 nannies. Somewhere along the line, the goat roping bug bit him.

I'm sure there's a story behind that. One that, I hope, remains untold.

Making It Easier For Us Slow Guys

Finally, mother nature has caught up to the trend of obesity in lonely farmers with the development of The Fainting Goat

WARNING: Video clip is 4 Megs in size, but is work-safe and quite funny

I Didn't Start The Fire!

Hand to God, I did not create this graphic.

Yeah, it's work-safe. Just depends on the boss' humor level involving ... well ... you know.

Press the Stops!!

Continued...

Brace Yourselves

(there's a goat mention if you read far enough down...)

Guard Donkeys?

This, my friends, is the single most authoritative reporting done on goat farming you would ever need. I don't know why you might need it, nor am I to judge anyone should they need it a little more than most. But there ya go.

After reading it, if anyone can come up with some research into the use of guard donkeys, I'm all ears on that one!

UPDATE: This is fascinating. The Texas Department of Agriculture has a reader on the use of donkeys as guardians of one's flock.

And in case there was ever any doubt ....

You Thought I Was Kidding?!?!?!?

For Ulysses ...

"Tracey Ullman Takes On" ... now on HBO.

Meanwhile, Janie is utterly mortified at what she has just done with Chic in his filthy, flea-ridden apartment. Now that the world's not ending, she's going to have to live with this horrible memory. But it can't have been too horrible, as she gives him her private phone number. Never use the switchboard, she tells him. As she leaves, he tells her to mind the goat.

At long last ... goat sex goes highbrow! Ironically, I think this really does indicate the end of the world. Ohh, pardon me for a sec ... the horsemen of the apocolypse are at my door.

Later....

On Politics, Beer ... and yes, Goats

Jeez Louise ... all clownish interests seem to converge on this little ditty:

Dear St. Arnold's Army:

The November voting season may seem like ancient history, but here are three things that deal with voting in some form:

WE ARE SEEKING ANYBODY WITH ANY STATE POLITICAL CONNECTIONS

The Texas Legislature is in their biannual session right now which means if we want any changes to the laws, now is the time to act, and fast! We are looking for anybody that has any connections with any of our state legislatures. Perhaps you work for one, or your wife or husband does, or you have beers with one, or perhaps you have a compromising picture of one with a goat. If you do have any such connections and you would be willing to introduce us, please let us know. The specific law that we would like to see changed is to allow small breweries to have dock sales (the ability to sell packaged beer to go at the brewery). Texas wineries can do it, but breweries cannot. This would especially help with kegs.

Seriously ... did anyone see this convergence of interests ever happening? I don't know whether to be impressed or appalled.

What We Have Here...

Is a failure to communicate. Some people just can't be reasoned with....Thrillhouse

Merry Goatmas

Folks, if I've tried to warn you once, I've tried to warn you ... well ... once. But THIS is how it all starts. Simple innocent gifts. Then it goes all to hell. When will we learn?

The Future

Since someone thinks they can see in my future, how about I return the favor:

Man annoys neighbors by living with 300 goats

This and Howard Dean all from one state...

no...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Explored Realms of Crap

So the Alamo showed "Don't Go In The House" from 1979, a tale of a nobody who was burn-tortured by mom for being bad for his whole childhood, and whose later life shows some sort of strain stemming from these experiences. Wow. Random females are flame-broiled with a Vietnam-era flamethrower, etc. D-.

OK, PETA's not being consistent here

That organization picked up on the chicken-throwing video here, but what's the deal with John Waters not getting any play from them (see Pink Flamingoes)?

And what about the GOATS??

The Irregular Goat Sex Update

Hey, why did we start this blog in the first place? Oh yeah ... to give full coverage of goat sex issues. With that in mind ...

A goat's eyes are so beautiful

Stop me when this story starts making sense:

Tanya Gold finds that love affairs with pets, as in the Edward Albee play, are not as unusual as you'd think

Six weeks ago, I went to a party at a policewoman's house. She works in the incident room at New Scotland Yard and, over a bucket of booze and a mountain of cigarettes, she talked of gun crime, drugs and the war on terror. Then she dropped a firework.

"We have a bestiality incident recorded every day, you know," she told me. "Every single day."

I went home stunned. Who are these people? Do they rape fish? Rabbits? Is it consensual? (Is it fun?)

I went to the Apollo Theatre on Shaftesbury Avenue in London to see Edward Albee's play The Goat. Jonathan Pryce, as Martin, an architect, declaimed his love for a goat named Sylvia. "Yes, I'm screwing her," he tells his wife. "I'm seeing her and we are having an affair. She is my first. She is my only." His wife cuts Sylvia's throat.

I tracked Albee down to his hotel. His play is not so much about bestiality as the prison of sexual convention, he says. But, he insists, many of his colleagues on the faculty at Houston University have had sex with animals. He asks me: "Have you ever looked into the eyes of a goat close up? They are very beautiful." No, I haven't. I don't like the smell. I like my animals dead on a plate with vegetables.

Albee pauses, then continues. "Bestiality happens with a greater degree of frequency than we are prepared to realise. Women usually do it with dogs and horses, and men do it with a wider variety - pigs, sheep and even geese."

The flickering flames you hear in the background are my degree from University of Houston being lit atorch. Sadly, there's even more in the story ... go read, then grab a barf bag.

No.

Don't DO this to yourself.

Mail Order Brides ... er, Wild Animals ... whatever

What In The Holy Hell?!?!?!?!?

Adopt a hedgehog??? ... a badger??? ... a kestrel??? ... a duck??? ... a bird of prey???

Ok, so that last one might come in handy. Now don't piss me off because quite frankly, the 18.75 pounds this place is charging for (potentially) a peregrine falcon seems like QUITE the steal. Question, though ... do they ship it or just tell the bird to start heading my way?

You think...

politics has gotten odd around HERE? Let's take a stroll down memory lane, kiddies... certain folks elsewhere are um, carrying on the tradition?

DON'T CLICK HERE.

Edit: I GOT THE BUG. Time for the yearly AUTO SHOW!!!!!!!!! I'll probably do it Sunday.

One Thing Leads To Another

Oh, Lord ...

Man Charged With Torturing His Goats

Just when I think this mess is completely behind me!!!

The Issue That Dare Not Speak Its Name

This just makes me want to cry (located on the Chronicle today).

Infrequent Goat Sex Post

Ironically enough, ran across this on Metal-Sludge, of all places:

GRAHAM-BURGER GOAT FARMS LTD. - Home of the Rock'N'Roll Goats!

This page is also a little disturbing. Look for the same pic as on the front page and check out the Motley Crue reference as a subtitle.