ClownCarBlog.com

ACL Wrapup

Well, it's that time again. The time of the year when the kids are back in school, the freshmen girls show up to campus full of hope (and free of venereal disease), and Austin plays host to the Austin City Limits festival. Three days of broiling under the September sun, holding your breath through the metaphysical experience of a 3-day old port-a-potty and dodging exploding RV's, all for the sake of discovering a few bands you didn't know before and catching up with old friends. So here's the lineup of what I saw:

Friday
Homer Hiccolm & The Rocketboys - The winners of the Sound and the Jury contest, spacey indie rock. I think Ulysses might get a kick out of this band, they made the most of their 45 minute slot.
Adam Hood - Americana folk rock, he even had a song about his third-grader back at home. It was like seeing John Mellencamp without the giant cloud of smoke hovering over his head.
The Heartless Bastards - I didn't really care for them, so I wandered the SoCo market and saw what was going on at the kiddie tent.
Pete Yorn - Things nearly went to shit in the middle of his set...a giant fire and explosion
broke out at the side of the park behind the port-o-potties, the set was interrupted for a few minutes while the people cleared out for the fire trucks, then Pete just kept rockin. For festival concert-goers, people were quite complacent and organized.
The Dynamites featuring Charles Walker - The first big concert I was looking forward to, as old-school funk and R&B came to life with classic frontman Charles Walker in front of a very tight band. I have their album, loved the show and will go see them again.
Peter, Bjorn & John - I think they're swedish or something. Very tight, energetic set. I have their last album, it was very entertaining nuevo disco.
Joss Stone - Maybe the brit chick couldn't take the heat, but the first half of her set was subpar. I packed it in after 20 minutes and headed over to see
Crowded House - Just in time to hear "Hey now, hey now, don't dream it's over". Ahh, memories. Good stuff, some nice mix of their old stuff and a couple of new songs.
JJ Grey & Mofro - I kind of napped during this. But what I heard was good...
LCD Soundsystem - It's not really my cup of tea. Man, the 70s really are back musically...
James Hunter - Decided to catch most of his set, mainly because I loved his album (purchased on the recommendation of Mr. Thomas Escalante). I then caught a little bit of
Queens of the Stone Age - So it was a toss-up between Spoon, who is on their way up, and QOTSA, who is clearly on their way down. I figure this was my last time to check out QOTSA before they wind up playing clubs again. Just like Winger.
Kaiser Chiefs - Easily the most energetic half-set of the night. The frontman climbed the scaffolding, ran across stage, went into the audience, and then sprained his ankle. I dug their music, probably just because of the energy.
Gotan Project - It's like trippy tango music. Dig on it...
Bjork - I could only handle 15 minutes of Bjork. Didn't care for the show, so I headed over to catch the last 45 minutes of
The Killers - Ahhh, now THIS is much better. Good bye to crazy Iceland, hello to rock.

Saturday
Dr. Dog - Rockers from Philly, good way to pick up the Saturday.
Raul Malo - Three words: Mexican Roy Orbison. Here's a note to all Mexican singers out there, please STOP singing Besame Mucho. I don't give a shit about hearing this song ever again. It's officially on my list of songs I'm done with. Right between Hotel California and Piano Man. I left and headed over to the tent to check out
The Legendary Soul Stirrers - The gospel group that Sam Cooke got his start in. These old guys still have soul, the tent turned into a gospel revival in a matter of minutes.
Sara Hickman - I caught the last 10 minutes of her set, hurrah for that. Just in time to catch that song "Are We Ever Gonna Have Sex Again" from her last album. Just as fun as seeing her in the Unitarian Church earlier this year...
Cold War Kids - I don't really dig their music...
Blue October - You've heard their hits, the crowd was jamming to it, and it was a good time. What more can you ask for?
Andrew Bird - This guy must be made of music...spinning gramophones, xylophones, and all sorts of whatnots.
Arctic Monkeys - Three brits show up, plug in and rock. Don't ask for more, don't ask for less...
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - I wasn't feeling it, so after 2 songs I headed over to see
The Indigo Girls - It's probably the first and last time I will see them in concert. They put on a hell of a show, and I really dug their cover of "Midnight Train to Georgia". I just don't hear much of them touring anymore.
Muse - The headlining acts of the second night included a choice between Arcade Fire and Muse. I don't care for Arcade Fire, so I took a shot on Muse, who I really didn't know much about. Picture this: someone digs up Randy Rhoads, gets him reanimated by a voodoo priest, then puts him in front of a prog synth pop band. Hot damn, this was a fun show. I dunno what they'll sound like on CD, but I will certainly catch their live show again if they roll through town.

Sunday
Well, I pulled a muscle biking over there on Sunday, and arrived just in time to catch
Yo La Tengo - I just lay on the grass and tried to dig on the music through the pain. Ouch. I need a massage. Fortunately there's a massage vendor over next to:
The Jones Family Singers - Sunday afternoon gospel and a chair massage. Sounds like a winning combination to me. They even closed out with "Shout!"
Ben Kweller - Last year at ACL, Ben had some giant nosebleed and had to stop early. I caught a little over half his set, which was entirely too mellow for what I'm used to hearing from him. He played a couple of songs that haven't been recorded yet, and announced he was going to be a resident of Austin for a few weeks recording his new album. Pretty cool stuff Ben, but I had to head over to
Ziggy Marley at the children's stage! - Ziggy was digging the love from the kids, and really put on a fun show for them. I'm glad I caught this show, because his later act was entirely too crowded to get a glimpse of him.
DeVotchKa - Someone break out the vodka & borcht! It's getting Russian at ACL! Just kind of chilling waiting for the next few shows...
Lucinda Williams - She put on a rocking show, and really rocked the crowd. Her high energy rendition of "Come On" was a crowd pleaser. And then it was time for something a little calmer...
Regina Spektor - She's a fun, lithe pianist. She seemed to genuinely have a good time performing for the crowd, and even broke out my favorite tune from the Instant Karma CD - "Real Love".
Wilco - Texas boys make good. They didn't quite rock so much for that spot in the festival. They might be a little better in a smaller venue, and I like their stuff from the albums. Oh well, at least I caught them.
Ghostland Observatory - Hometown boys make good, synth-dance style! Lots of drum machines and laser shows. I cut out a little early to catch a good spot for the headliner
Bob Dylan - I saw him a few years back, and enjoyed watching him here. But honestly, does anyone know what he's saying anymore? After a 90 minute show, I might have made out a dozen words. But I don't care, he's still f'n Dylan. And when Dylan's playing, you go. Because the last time you see Dylan might be the last time you see Dylan...

So, $110 for the ticket, $50 on miscellaneous including a chair massage, and $10 in water & sunblock later, I can say I went the distance at ACL. Barring any major disasters (or a miracle such as winning the lottery), I'm going back next year. Maybe I'll catch you there. I'll be the one laughing at the people cowering in the air conditioned tent. WUSSIES!!!

For Your Edification

The data mining programs and applications that track us may have quite a time digesting this one. Or maybe it'll make complete sense.

Something New

This sorta one-ups the whole Yngwie guitar swirl maneuver, I suppose ...

Music for the Masses

Singin' in the Bathtub: John Lithgow

This is truly the golden age of entertainment.

Finally - a global warming story that makes sense!!

Spinal Tap Reunites To Save The Earth From Global Warming...

Mark St. John, RIP

Things I missed in the news last week:

Former KISS guitarist MARK ST JOHN passed away this morning of a brain hemorrhage. He was 51. Mark replaced KISS guitarist VINNIE VINCENT in 1984, only to shortly thereafter develop Reiters Syndrome, a form or arthritis, which left his hand too swollen at times to play guitar. Mark played on all but one of the tracks of the 1984 Animalize album. On the subsequent tour his condition had deteriorated and was only able to play 1 full and 3 partial shows. BRUCE KULICK was called in as a temporary guitarist to play the remainder of the partial sets as well as the rest of the tour. Mark's condition was not improving and sadly had to soon step down to have Kulick take his place permanently on December 8,1985.

His musical career not over, Mark later formed the band White Tiger in 1986 and then interestingly enough teamed up with former KISS drummer PETER CRISS to record a demo in 1990. A self-produced CD entitled the MARK ST JOHN Project was released in 1999.

Born Mark Norton in Anaheim California on January 7, 1956. He is survived by a younger brother and sister.

Mark truly was an incredible guitarist with amazing talent. Check out this video of him playing an acoustic guitar solo backstage at a Torpedo Girls gig. He will be greatly missed by his fans and is a great loss to the music world in general.

I just report them...

Some clips from a classic.

(in RealAudio)

Teen Dream

Best link ever! There's audio that kicks in automatically, so click wisely.

YouTube Thursday: Addicted to That Rush

Because I can, Mr. Big:

YouTube Tuesday: Carrie Underwood - "Alone"

Just to go for the trifecta, I figure since today is the return of American Idol, why not have my own favorite AI starlet atop not one, not two, but three different blogs. Suffer for it ...

Personally, I wasn't fond of the big hair, but Carrie wore it well. And her voice matches up incredibly well to Ann Wilson. What's worth noting from this performance is that it led to the original song being ranked #1 on iTunes the following week. Go figure that she's peddling a triple-platinum solo release these days.

Underground Video

Undercover surveillance video from an undisclosed location at an undisclosed time with unknown subjects. Be Afraid. Be very afraid.

I Only Want to Be With Who?

Thank me later, but to the two of you not yet in the know, guess the stars of this video:

More clues might be found here.

This YouTube thing may catch on

The old blokes can still cut it.

Incessant Demand

I insist that one of you others on ClownCarBlog use this information as the basis for a rap single. Remember "Rock Me Amadeus", along with its inspired parody "Rockin' Jerry Lewis"? Where an event sequence is described before the first verse kicks in? How about an intro built around such pertinent historical matters as the Heisenberg uranium research program?

Kill Me Tender ...

Words fail me ... it's worse than that Osmonds video ...

YouTube Daily: Rockin' in the Free World

Neil Young never sounded so good ...

YouTube of the Day: KISS-style

Totie Fields > Gene Simmons ... who knew?

YouTube of the Day

The first concert I kicked myself for missing ... Ratt & Twisted Sister at the Bronco Bowl in Dallas. Watching this only deepens the bruise from those kicks.

The Jen & Sam Acoustic Jamboree

Consider this a tape-delayed liveblog of the Jen & Sam Acoustic Jamboree Friday Night. The Big Top is situated nicely enough that the VIP booth has access to a power outlet, which aids this a great deal. Anyways, I thought it'd be fun to capture some of the witty stage banter that goes on during anything Jen & Sam are involved in. Let's see who gets in more trouble for this ... me for posting it, or Jen & Sam for saying the following:

7:00 … promised start time … no Samifer
7:30 … same as above, only we're now around the usual Ringwald start time
7:45 … same as above
7:50 … finally!
7:52 … sound check, witty stage banter, less-than-witty stage banter. At long last - a song!!!

First set
First song – title I forget … I’m assuming it went flawlessly for now

Jen starts drinking … more sound check

“And She Was� – Talking Heads …

Sam offers music lessons to Jen … futile

“Your Love� – The Outfield … what the hell is Sam singing? This get explained later ... and the effect, repeated. Still ... WTF?

“You may love the Ringwalds, but WE don’t love the Ringwalds� ~ Jen
“What does this sound like?� {plays kazoo backward} ~ Jen
“It’ll be fine, just have a drink.� ~ Jen

“Beast of Burden� – The Rolling Stones … first non-Ringwalds song for the night. Guitar needs tuning one verse in … second take … song lacks too much Jennifer to qualify as entertaining.
“title I forget� – Violent Femmes … kinda sucks done acoustically
“Walk Like an Egyptian� – The Bangles … Sam sings again – and shouldn’t – ever. Too many screwups by Sam (non-singing, that is) to count.
“Me and Julio� – Paul Simon … kazoo time
“It’s the End of the World� – R.E.M. … much discussion on how “Cool Rider� isn’t a good acoustic song. Yet somehow this is?
“Keep Your Hands to Yourself� – Georgia Satellites … ably karaoked by Frank

Second set

Sam vamps with the mic while guitar being tuned

“Strong Enough� - Sheryl Crow … for one song only, “James & Jen.� Nicely done.
“All of Me� - Willie Nelson(?) … with kazoo???

“Stop banging it into the mic, ya drunk.� ~ Sam (directed at Jen)

“Any Way You Want It� – Journey … and with that, the drunks at the bar wake up!

“Play some Skynard.� ~ random fan
“Oh, that’s original.� ~ Jen
(after a request for “Thriller�) “Sir, look, you see a singer, a kazoo, and an acoustic guitar … and you want to hear ‘Thriller’?�
“Get your own band.� ~ Jen

“Where the Streets Have No Names� – U2 …
“Come On Eileen� – Dexy’s Midnight Runners … the chorus only. It's recommended afterward, by Jen, that they only play the ending to all of the songs from this point on. It's rather clear that ADD kicks in at this point.

“Do I have to be up here for this one?� ~ Jen
“Yeah.� ~ Sam
“Oh.� ~ a very disappointed Jen

“The Gambler� – Kenny Rogers … like I said – a VERY disappointed Jen.

“… so you can suck and blow.� ~ Jen … seriously, it doesn’t matter WHAT context

“Sweet Child of Mine� – Guns & Roses … because blowing the electric version just isn’t enough? Actually, this wasn't bad. Jen still has to flex her vocal chords to pull this off and that wakes up a few folks in the place. The guitar relies more on chords than the hook, so somehow, this one works acoustically. Maybe The Ringwalds should do this one unplugged.

“Are you all ready to hear some Johnny Cash? This is one I learned a long time ago when I played in an all-originals band, The Davenports.� ~ Sam

“Davenport� – Johnny Cash … apparently only played by all-originals bands.
“The V.D. Blues� – Sam Ringwald … a true story, I'm guessing.
“Respect� – Erasure … finally, Jen returns to the stage.
“You Can’t Always Get What You Want� – The Rolling Stones … about five seconds of it
“Paul Revere� - … five seconds of which seems like an eternity

“I think I have an unusually loud snap (*snaps*)� ~ Jen
“Thank you … and f*ck you.� ~ Sam (directed at audience)
“I hate all of you.� ~ Jen (directed at ... possibly the world)

“Girls Just Wanna Have Fun� – Cyndi Lauper … the reason Jen hates everyone. And yet, the kazoo solo kinda sorta works. This was supposed to be the last song, but demands for an encore overwhelm the duo. They decide to make peace with the surly crowd by performing one more song.

“Blue Skies� – Willie Nelson … Jen gives up about 30 seconds in.

“Well Jen, ya sure did f*ck us.� ~ Sam

“Add it Up� – Violent Femmes … Jen gives up about 60 seconds in.
“Wild Horses� – The Rolling Stones/Gram Parsons …not bad, actually. I'm biased since it's one of my favorite Stones tunes.

So there ya go ... that's about typical of what you get from either the Ringwalds, Jen & Sam's Acoustic Jamboree, or merely Jen & Sam after a few drinks at the bar. Next Ringwald date is July 14th at the Continental Club. Come and see how much crap I get for posting some of this.

Texas Terri Bomb

Why am I just now discovering this?

The Greatest Band Name In The History Of The Human Race

Go Here.

Drumity

My top 5 favorite drum albums of all time (list subject to change upon any random whim, but probably won't):

5) In Utero - I really liked this work drum-wise better than Nevermind probably because of Steve Albini (though I bow to no one in my appreciation of Butch Vig). Punches a lot harder than the uber-compressed sound of the previous record. "Very Ape" is great and "Milk It" is the phenomenal song that made me think Kurt could be the new Syd.

4) Frogstomp - Ben Gillies did himself proud on this record, dropping in double bass kicks seemingly before every new measure. And like every good musician, has a career he can fall back on.

3) Pearl Jam, live in Atlanta - this bootleg, procured by King Marabud back in the day, cost him a painful $70... but it's worth it. Live recording of "Black", which became rare for the band. But mostly it's on this list because of the barely contained chaos that is "Evenflow" in the hands of Dave Abbruzzese. The guy is unleashed, insane, and incredible. This version was single-songedly responsible for me trying to form a band with two other guys specifically (but unknown to them) so that I could play it on drums... regardless of how badly I failed.

2) Become What You Are - Almost the opposite of the previous entry in that this album shows the exact perfect way to play powerful rock-pop drums, but restrained... sort of. Strong and flawless, but not much flourish. Just good solid playing.

1) Betty - Intensely powerful drumming, superb timing, and two of my favorite quick drum fills ever on "Street Crabs" and "Clean". I'm sure I annoyed the crap out of at least one bandmate playing that intro to "I Know" so often. This album makes me cry for how much I wish I could play like that. It's also one of the reasons I bought a piccolo snare. If I could beg anyone to give me lessons, this would be the guy. Not often I think "tasteful" when thinking of an album as heavy as this, but there ya go. A real gem. One of my 10 favorite albums of all time, maybe even in the top 5.

What... no Rush on the list, geek that I am? No, no Rush. Neil's great and all... but he was never a reason I wanted to play the drums. He's just too complex. It's like listening to an orchestra member: I can marvel at the talent, but I can't really feel him in my bones. And I can't think of a single song of his I'd really enjoy playing.

Molly & the Ringwalds: Review Redux

Called out via email:

So this week, we've invited Rebekah Ringwald-Velva, from Houston's favorite B-52's tribute band (the Aqua Velvas), to sit in with us. And she said OK! Will she be able to hold her own against Carrie's amazing dance moves, Sam's blistering guitar work, Dekan's stunning good looks, and Gene's mustache? Will she inspire a blathering and shameless writeup at www.gregsopinion.com? Can she swear like a Ringwald? There's only one way to find out -- come see the show for yourself.

The Breakdown:
So it's been a while since I've had my fix of 80s fun with Molly & the Ringwalds. Too long. And darn the luck, but the multi-talented, unlame, lead singer, Jennifer Ringwald is on vacation now.

Still, the promise of statuesque blondes in 80s garb taking Jen's place does not strike me as altogether bad. True, there can be only one Jennifer Ringwald. And no amount of bashing in absentia by the villainous Sam Ringwald can convince us otherwise. Given what our options were for the weekend, Rebekah Velva-Ringwald is no shrinking violet. So allow me the brief luxury of documenting the evolution of thought on one of Houston's finest in action:

1. (pre-show) "Hmmm, blondes in red are a good thing."
2. (still pre-show) "Stiletto heels? Guess we can write off any massive amounts of jumping about on stage, ala Jen."
3. (first coupla numbers) "So is she gonna sing or what?"
4. (Money shot #1: Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again") "Has its moments of greatness, but one cannot imitate David Coverdale ... one must become David Coverdale."
5. (Money shot #2: The Go-Gos' "Vacation") "Hot blonde dressed like a dead ringer for Belinda Carlisle, circa 1983 ... but this one needed more practice."
6. (Money shot #3: B-52s' "Love Shack") "Golden."

OK, so for the males of the bunch, I think I stand on solid ground that there's no way to leave disappointed with a "Rebekah and the Ringwalds" performance. The band itself is more known for the degree of levity to which they add to our weekend and I've yet to catch a show where that hasn't happened. There was a disclaimer ultimately provided that there wasn't any practice time with Rebekah and the band. She's done some bangup live karaoke with the band in the past, however, and she's certainly got her moments where you do hear something different and unique compared to the known quanitity in Jennifer. There's also moments where it just sounds like a prolonged karaoke night with the band and the stage presence that only Jen can provide was certainly wanting.

But given my early estimation that the amount of stage dancing might be limited by tall heels, I stand in total error on that one. So much so, that I have to express complete amazement at the degree to which Rebekah DID manage a bit of prancing about on stage. And while I'm not big on listening to "Love Shack," you'd expect someone who happens to lead a B-52s tribute band to really ace that number. And, true to form, she delivered the goods on that one.

My initial response to the email shoutout above was that as long as she managed a decent sultry version of "Here I Go Again," I'd call the whole thing a rousing success. And to further explain my somewhat obtuse reference to "imitating" and "becoming" David Coverdale, I guess what I really mean by that is that I have a hard time thinking anyone can really pull off the vocal style of Coverdale by attempting to mimic it. You just have to be yourself, with every last bit of soul you've got in your voice. The last high note before the guitar solo is a case in point where I think Rebekah seemed to cut loose with the impersonation of Coverdale and just let loose with her own style for a moment. It was a great note that was well done and leads magnificently into a guitar solo that I love enough to give Dekan Ringwald a hard time everytime he screws it up. Alas, the solo was done justice on this evening, complete with Dekan hitting the proper pinched harmonic during the bridge.

I only reference "Vacation" as a money shot for the evening due to Rebekah's look just screaming Belinda Carlisle. That may or may not be fair, but I'd argue that if some Go-Gos were done faithfully by Rebekah, it'd be a winning combination of looks, music, and style. Since we'll see Rebekah again next week, here's to hoping that this happens.

As for the non-Rebekah portion of this review, there's still more highlights to cover:

New tune #1 ... Billy Idol's "Dancing With Myself" - I hope the mob on the dance floor was a lasting memory by the band. For a song that almost wasn't performed due to lackluster reviews at soundcheck, this one is a keeper and probably ought to be bumped into heavy rotation - setlist generator algorithm be damned (sorry Matt). It's also one of the songs that are a great fit for Dekan's vocal range. I'm not sure, but the version of the song seemed to be from the Vital Idol version dance mix of the song. If not, I'd recommend the possible alteration of it since it's a longer version, which comes in handy for the dancing types.

New tune #2 ... The Cars' "Tonight She Comes" - What are the odds that the band picks up a song that I actually remember the guitar solo for? Pretty slim since I think I'm down to this one and the solo to "Talk Dirty to Me" by Poison. So I'm inclined to be nitpicky on the work done for this solo. Unfortunately the culprit on this one is the much beloved Ringwald drummer, Gene, as it seemed the pace of the song was about half-tempo. That alone took a bit out of the song. As for the solo, I can't fault it for accuracy. Dekan hit it note-for-note. But there were a few touches where the tremolo bar should have been used instead of string bends. I've seen it done well with both, but I'm of the opinion that a guitar player has to have a rather particular touch to make those work on bends. Tremolo is more forgivable, even if it's overdone on the solo. Then again, maybe I shouldn't be too judgemental on this one. There was a point in time where I realized I just needed to walk away from the guitar because all my solos turned into this one. I'm sure I played the parts in question a number of different ways - some of them perhaps even good.

Big James Karaoke ... OK fine, so Dekan wants an excuse to play some Van Halen and there's only one person with the pipes to come close to Diamond Dave. Yep, that'd be Houston's premier karaoke artist, Big James. But at least give the man his respect by allowing him to cover some of his more choice works of art. By the end of the evening, I think a few possibilities rank highest:

• "Crazy Train" - yes, I admit it, I just want to see Carrie take over the stage with her dance routine for this number. It's a crowd winner and Carrie deserves her moment to hold the audience in the palm of her hand for 3 minutes.
• "Mr Roboto" - of course, I'm of the opinion that only Big James should do this song. Upon taking the stage, I think I heard this song referenced a half-dozen times by the people around me due to lasting memories (scars?) of performances past.
• "We're Not Gonna Take It" - actually, I've not discussed this with his emminence, but follow me here. Here's a song that requires a loud, bombastic vocal and offers some great room to improve towards the end. This has, of course, given us the much appreciated Jennifer Ringwald Rant at the end of the song, whereby our lovely lead singer wrestles with a current event to rant about at the end of this metal classic. I may be completely wrong ... but I'm willing to guess that James can equal such a music moment. If I'm wrong, then my vote goes for "Its Raining Men" just for the irony alone. Oh, and having James close out the evening sure would seem like a strong finish. I'll just put that out there as an idea.

Sam Ringwald's shameless attempt to defame the good name of Jennifer Ringwald while the latter is on another continent: NOT COOL!

Anyways, I've been shameless and blathering enough. If you've lasted this far in the read, make it out to the Continental Club in Houston's Midtown (3700 Main, to be precise). It's an early show (7pm to 9:30), but there's no cover and the drink prices aren't jacked up to accomodate. The club simply knows that the Ringwalds pack em in and everyone leaves suitably entertained.

Since When Did VH1 Know Squat About Heavy Metal?

I'm going to disagree with about 90% of this list:

40 ALICE COOPER MAKES A COMP USA COMMERCIAL
39 GENE SIMMONS MANAGES LIZA MINELLI
38 AVRIL PERFORMS "FUEL" AT METALLICA ICON
37 ADAM CURRY HOSTS HEADBANGER'S BALL
36 FAITH NO MORE's JIM MARTIN GROWS PUMPKINS
35 JOE PERRY HOCKS HOT SAUCE ON EMERIL
34 BRUCE DICKINSON FENCING/WRITES A NOVEL
33 MICHAEL BOLTON & KISS TEAM UP FOR "FOREVER"
32 AUTOGRAPH'S STEVE PLUNKETT WRITES 7TH HEAVEN'S OPENING THEME
31 VINCE NEIL STARS ON THE SURREAL LIFE
30 LEMMY WRITES MAN-ADVICE FOR JANE MAGAZINE
29 BON JOVI CUTS HIS HAIR
28 RONNIE KEEL GOES COUNTRY/BECOMES RONNIE LEE KEEL
27 PUFFY & PAGE TEAM UP FOR "COME WITH ME"
26 RATT HIRE UNCLE MILTY FOR THEIR VIDEOS
25 MOTLEY CRUE HIRES JOHN CORABI, DITCHES VINCE NEIL
24 MARIAH DOES DEF LEPPARD'S "BRINGIN' ON THE HEARTBREAK"
23 METAL ORCHESTRAS - METALLICA, SCORPIONS, DEEP PURPLE
22 EUROPE
21 BON SCOTT PLAYS THE RECORDER
20 KISS GOES DISCO WITH "I WAS MADE FOR LOVIN' YOU"
19 KIP WINGER POSES FULLY CLOTHED IN SUITS FOR PLAYGIRL
18 ALICE COOPER TRADES IN HIS BAD HABITS FOR GOLFING
17 TICO TORRES STARTS BABY CLOTHES LINE
16 TED NUGENT FORMS DAMN YANKEES
15 VANILLA ICE GOES METAL
14 OZZY PEPSI COMMERCIAL
13 PAUL STANLEY STARS AS PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
12 NELSON
11 EXTREME'S GARY CHERONE BECOMES VAN HALEN'S SINGER
10 MICHAEL BOLTON EARLY METAL CAREER
9 KIP WINGER BALLERINA
8 METALLICA CUTS THEIR HAIR
7 SHERYL CROW COVERS "SWEET CHILD O' MINE"
6 JETHRO TULL WINS THE FIRST EVER METAL GRAMMY
5 PAT BOONE GOES METAL FOR AN ALBUM OF METAL CLASSICS
4 HEADBANGER'S BALL CANCELLED
3 CELINE DION COVERS AC/DC AT VH1 DIVAS LAS VEGAS
2 OZZY GOES TO WASHINGTON TO MEET BUSH
1 VINCE NEIL LEADS GIANT CHICKEN DANCE

For one, I think anytime you note a "low point" for anything, there's got to be a threshold of people that recall the moment. And since there's not a lot that can recall some of the more recent entries here (esp. #1), this list has some serious flaws.

Clearly, there are three entries that can argue for #1: KISS going disco, Pat Boone crooning some Dio, and Jethro Tull being considered heavy metal by anyone on the face of the earth. It's arguable, I think, which of those goes in what order. But I'd have to personally rank Jethro Tull at the bottom of the barrel, with KISS's dance moves closely behind.

After that, this list because rather specious ... how many people really knew about Kip Winger taking ballet classes as opposed to those who count themselves disappointed by Gary Cherone's tenure at the front of Van Halen? Clearly, VH3 has to be in the bottom 5 of any list.

Entries like "Nelson," I can understand ... but Europe? You gotta be kidding me. Once they dumped the original guitarist for Kee Marcello, they were clearly a force that deserved more attention. #32, in particular, grates with me as I fail to see how that's a low point. I'm fairly sure that many would consider the theme song to 7th Heaven far superior to "Turn Up the Radio," anyway. I wouldn't, but I would note that Autograph's strongest points were it's catchy, radio-friendly songwriting as well as some expert two-hand-tapping guitar solos by Steve Lynch. Something missed with regards to Ronnie Lee Keel's move to country, however, is that he still packs a solid rock guitarist in the band, making the combination something of a curiosity for even diehard metalheads. As far as the divas and wannabes covering metal classics, the only one I recall is one that I do think deserves to be somewhere in the 30-40 range is Celine singing "You Shook Me." Clearly, the content was not self-evident to the handlers of that show, it was the initial VH1 Divas show ... and it was Celine freakin Dione singing AC/DC.

Items they may have missed (in no particular order) ...

• Pretty Boy Floyd (I add this as a fan)
• Beavis & Butthead (c'mon, this utterly killed the poppier bands out there)
• Vinne Vincent Invasion and/or Yngwie J. Malmsteen (again ... as a fan)
• P.M.R.C. (the absence of this entry seriously discredits VH1 as any source of music info)
• Billy Idol on Letterman (who could forget a stoned-out Idol regaling Dave with the various drugs given names of his songs ... proudly)
• Guns N Roses' attempted comeback (if you want something relatively recent)
• Metallica seeing therapists (great movie, but some things speak for themselves in terms of lameness)

One Expensive Hobby

Setup in a shopping cart on MusiciansFriend.com ... just in case I win the lottery:

Got 8-9 hours of extra time?

Here's an actual post with news of which you can make use:

http://www.di.fm/edmguide/edmguide.html

The above link goes to a categorized exploration of the history of electronic music from the 1950's to today. From Walter Carlos to the Pet Shop Boys to any number of recombinant forms from last week, there are quick samples of lots of stuff you don't have to buy or search for.

Sorry Charlie

Dear Charlie Sexton,

You suck!

Sincerely,
Houstonian in a Huff
(aka, a Molly & the Ringwalds fan who was eagerly looking forward to good clean 80s fun over a birthday weekend)

Yngwie!

Yngwie in review ... over at the nicer, bigger, more pretentious, less goat-referring-to blog.

One Interesting Song from every year between 1960 and 1995, inclusive

- and this is version 1.1 (different from the list I did on LJ)...

1960/ Walking To New Orleans, Fats Domino
1961/ Little Sister, Elvis Presley
1962/ The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, Gene Pitney
1963/ Hello Muddah Hello Fadduh!, Allan Sherman
1964/ Hi-heel Sneakers, Tommy Tucker
1965/ I Got You Babe, Sonny and Cher
1966/ These Boots Are Made For Walkin', Nancy Sinatra
1967/ Funky Broadway, Wilson Pickett
1968/ (Theme From) Valley Of The Dolls, Dionne Warwick
1969/ A Boy Named Sue, Johnny Cash
1970/ Thank You (Fallettin Me Be Mice Elf Again), Sly & The Family Stone
1971/ Amos Moses, Jerry Reed
1972/ School's Out, Alice Cooper
1973/ Reelin' In The Years, Steely Dan
1974/ Smokin' In The Boys Room, Brownsville Station
1975/ Pick Up The Pieces, Average White Band
1976/ This Masquerade, George Benson
1977/ Telephone Line, Electric Light Orchestra
1978/ Because The Night, Patti Smith
1979/ Time Passages, Al Stewart
1980/ Brass In Pocket, Pretenders
1981/ Hello Again, Neil Diamond
1982/ It's Gonna Take A Miracle, Deneice Williams
1983/ 1999, Prince
1984/ Girls Just Want To Have Fun, Cyndi Lauper
1985/ Walking On Sunshine, Katrina and The Waves
1986/ I Didn't Mean To Turn You On, Robert Palmer
1987/ La Bamba, Los Lobos
1988/ Roll With It, Steve Winwood
1989/ Love Shack, B-52's
1990/ It Must Have Been Love, Roxette
1991/ Silent Lucidity, Queensryche
1992/ I Can't Make You Love Me, Bonnie Raitt
1993/ Hey Jealousy, Gin Blossoms
1994/ I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That), Meat Loaf
1995/ No More "I Love You's", Annie Lennox

Juliana Hatfield: Made in China

Good gravy! What else can I say about the latest effort by my not-so-secret crush Juliana Hatfield?! Well, a lot, actually...

Juliana Hatfield is one of those very few artists whose entire catalog sits in my CD collection, and holds the single place of distinction as the only musician whose every show I have seen pass through Houston since 1994. Needless to say, I am a big fan. When I read online that she had released a new album this month, I procured a copy within the hour.

For historical record, I'll say that I thought Become What You Are was one of the greatest unheralded pop-rock albums of the grunge-laden 1990s. More powerful than her previous effort, it was commercial, yes, but distinct and listenable. Only Everything was a tad less punchy, but with more delicate flourishes that I particularly enjoyed ("Simplicity is Beautiful" is exactly right). Her EP Please Do Not Disturb had only 6 songs, but "Tryin' Not to Think About It" was remarkably pretty. Bed was more ponderous and moody, but very, very good. (I have pieces of God's Foot, her unreleased album due to label difficulties, but the quality makes it unreviewable.) Then she did the double album thing - Beautiful Creature being the worthwhile effort - and I thought she was on track to cement her place as an emotionally intimate artist creating work with gorgeous melodies and atmospheres. Then came In Exile Deo, an album so thoroughly forgettable that I thoroughly forgot it. Saw the show, recognized few songs, didn't complain, loved the rest, of which there was far too little.

Now comes Made in China... and let me just say that this is one long unrelenting piece of unlistenable garbage. You have no idea how it pains me to say that. I truly adore Juliana, but my devotion should not demand masochism and that's really what's going on here. Frankly, I'm out-and-out ANGRY that I paid good money for this because I know for certain now that I've given every song a solid listen that it will be placed alongside her other records and begin a long life of gathering dust. I'm a rather compulsive collector of books/movies/CDs by people I like, but I can easily overcome my disorder in this area and would trade this CD for a pack of smokes... which I gave up two weeks ago.

Her career has been one long journey farther and farther from anything resembling corporate support for her music and for the most part, she did not suffer for it. After Only Everything she left Atlantic and her stuff was released under Zoe records. In that period, she seems conciously to have peppered her work with unfocused thrashing grrl rock and sweet delicate songs. That tightrope act worked pretty well up to the double album when she sorted the two directions out and I realized I was totally in love with the latter aspect and not at all enamored with the former. This current album has none of the sweetness and not nearly enough energy to sustain the rock part. It's just... nothing.

In her major release efforts (and probably due to some pressure from those companies), she used to actually, you know, sing stuff... and well. Her indie stuff was sort of charming in that she would monotone her lyrics in what felt like an ironic detachment from her songs. But this recent album has her sounding not just disinterested but nearly disdainful of her audience. It's not cute when she's totally off-key in the verses of "What Do I Care" and it's abundantly clear that it's not an accident. It's absolutely an artistic posture and one that fails so miserably that it sounds like a graphic parody of a 15 year-old emo chick starting her own garage band. Seriously, she actually sings "la la la" in a way that you know is meant to be ironic; there's no way she thinks that is actually catchy and wants to make sure you know she doesn't want it to be. And it's really not charming. Maybe I'm just getting older, but she's not a kid at the ripe old age of 38 herself and she ought to knock off the "how much of this can you put up with" test of everyone's indie rock credentials and start producing MUSIC. There's no question she can sing, so this Cinder Calhoun act is really an affront to those fans who are looking to enjoy this album.

I suspect that Ms. Hatfield is so frightened of being considered a sell-out that she proceeds to run screaming from anything remotely resembling a pop song. And that's a damn shame, because a more worthwhile service to perform would be to elevate the form of pop song rather than fall in with all those who degrade anything that can be hummed or whistled. She's also suffered from the most severe bout of navel-gazing yet in her career and she's just in a place I don't want to go with her.

The liner notes in the album are all handwritten scribbles by the artist herself - presumably done so as to soak another layer of authenticity on this drivel - and the photos are likewise self-produced efforts. I think Juliana is a beautiful young woman and have had a longstanding crush on her. But in the entire history of my appreciation for this artist, this is the first instance wherein the pleasure derived from her album is gained entirely from the outside. That is a very sad comment indeed.

I reiterate as my parting comment that I am a huge fan of Juliana Hatfield and I recommend that you go out and buy everything she did before In Exile Deo. But stop there and go no further. Because if you're looking for a meaningful experience with her music, that's all she wrote.

1986 Tunes

Via Sheila:

A.) Go to musicoutfitters.com
B.) Enter the year you graduated from high school in the search function and get the list of 100 most popular songs of that year
C.) Bold the songs you like, strike through the ones you hate and underline your favorite. Do nothing to the ones you don't remember (or don't care about).

Ed. Note ... 1986 was a bit after the metal peak that I can claim to appreciate more fully. I remember a lot of dance crap that led me to build an album collection, as well as clear the social calendar for the late nite radio metal show on weekends. As a result ... a lot of the tunes either never made my radar (Baltimora?) or I could live with or without. My criteria is based on how I treated the radio dial if and when any of the songs came on ... bold for "crank it up," strike for "change the station," fave for "I think I need to learn that song."

1. That's What Friends Are For, Dionne Warwick, Elton John, and Gladys Knight
2. Say You, Say Me, Lionel Richie
3. I Miss You, Klymaxx
4. On My Own , Patti Labelle and Michael McDonald
5. Broken Wings, Mr. Mister
6. How Will I Know, Whitney Houston
7. Party All The Time, Eddie Murphy
8. Burning Heart, Survivor
9. Kyrie, Mr. Mister
10. Addicted To Love, Robert Palmer
11. Greatest Love Of All, Whitney Houston
12. Secret Lovers, Atlantic Starr
13. Friends And Lovers, Carl Anderson and Gloria Loring
14. Glory Of Love, Peter Cetera
15. West End Girls, Pet Shop Boys
16. There'll Be Sad Songs, Billy Ocean
17. Alive And Kicking, Simple Minds
18. Never, Heart
19. Kiss, Prince and The Revolution
20. Higher Love, Steve Winwood
21. Stuck With You, Huey Lewis and The News
22. Holding Back The Years, Simply Red
23. Sledgehammer, Peter Gabriel
24. Sara, Starship
25. Human, Human League
26. I Can't Wait, Nu Shooz
27. Take My Breath Away, Berlin
28. Rock Me Amadeus, Falco
29. Papa Don't Preach, Madonna
30. You Give Love A Bad Name, Bon Jovi
31. When The Going Gets Tough, Billy Ocean
32. When I Think Of You, Janet Jackson
33. These Dreams, Heart
34. Don't Forget Me (When I'm Gone), Glass Tiger
35. Live To Tell, Madonna
36. Mad About You, Belinda Carlisle
37. Something About You, Level 42
38. Venus, Bananarama
39. Dancing On The Ceiling, Lionel Richie
40. Conga, Miami Sound Machine
41. True Colors, Cyndi Lauper
42. Danger Zone, Kenny Loggins
43. What Have You Done For Me Lately, Janet Jackson
44. No One Is To Blame, Howard Jones
45. Let's Go All The Way, Sly Fox
46. I Didn't Mean To Turn You On, Robert Palmer
47. Words Get In The Way, Miami Sound Machine
48. Manic Monday, Bangles
49. Walk Of Life, Dire Straits
50. Amanda, Boston
51. Two Of Hearts, Stacey Q
52. Crush On You, Jets
53. If You Leave, Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark
54. Invisible Touch, Genesis
55. The Sweetest Taboo, Sade
56. What You Need, INXS
57. Talk To Me, Stevie Nicks
58. Nasty, Janet Jackson
59. Take Me Home Tonight, Eddie Money
60. We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off, Jermaine Stewart
61. All Cried Out, Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam With Full Force
62. Your Love, Outfield
63. I'm Your Man, Wham!
64. Perfect Way, Scritti Politti
65. Living In America, James Brown
66. R.O.C.K. In The U.S.A., John Cougar Mellencamp
67. Who's Johnny, El Debarge
68. Word Up, Cameo
69. Why Can't This Be Love, Van Halen
70. Silent Running, Mike and The Mechanics
71. Typical Male, Tina Turner
72. Small Town, John Cougar Mellencamp
73. Tarzan Boy, Baltimora
74. All I Need Is A Miracle, Mike and The Mechanics
75. Sweet Freedom, Michael McDonald
76. True Blue, Madonna
77. Rumors, Timex Social Club
78. Life In A Northern Town, Dream Academy
79. Bad Boy, Miami Sound Machine
80. Sleeping Bag, ZZ Top
81. Tonight She Comes, Cars
82. Love Touch, Rod Stewart
83. A Love Bizarre, Sheila E.
84. Throwing It All Away, Genesis
85. Baby Love, Regina
86. Election Day, Arcadia
87. Nikita, Elton John
88. Take Me Home, Phil Collins
89. Walk This Way, Run-D.M.C.
90. Sweet Love, Anita Baker
91. Your Wildest Dreams, Moody Blues
92. Spies Like Us, Paul McCartney
93. Object Of My Desire, Starpoint
94. Dreamtime, Daryl Hall
95. Tender Love, Force M.D.'s
96. King For A Day, Thompson Twins
97. Love Will Conquer All, Lionel Richie
98. A Different Corner, George Michael
99. I'll Be Over You, Toto
100. Go Home, Stevie Wonder

Obviously, I had to cheat a bit on the favorite out of this list. I absolutely loved the Outfield: catchy, yet wonderful songwriting and decent instrumentation. But "Tonight She Comes" by The Cars was one of the first songs I learned the solo to by ear. For a while there, every solo I played sounded just like some part of that solo mixed with a dose of Eddie Van Halen for good measure (ed. note ... good?). Amazingly, the record execs never came calling.

As anyone who remembers 1986 with a more vivid memory will know, however, David Lee Roth's "Yankee Rose" represents the high water mark for the year.

Bizarro Guitar World

Imagine my surprise, shock, and disdain when I crack open a copy of Guitar Player Magazine and notice that The Great Kat gets some major photog spots in the mag (she's on the background of the table of contents), and she also gets a rather lengthy interview in the mag.

Seriously now ... Guitar Player is supposed to be the "serious" magazine in that genre.

Full Disclosure ... I do have one Kat CD in my collection. Picked it up as a local store was clearing out before going belly up. I think it cost me a buck or two. Gave it a spin. I tried to hear something redeeming out of it, but in the end ... I don't get it.

Touchy, Touchy

Sheesh, I thought these people were supposed to be jolly!

Rock Star: INXS

Oh what the hell ... nothing else is on.

For some reason, I make it through the first five minutes without wanting to shoot a hole in the TV for this travesty of a concept. That's saying a lot because one of the surprises of the show is that Dave Navarro is on the set, acting as something of a guidance counselor for the contestants. Seems he wants to draw parallels to his joining the Red Hot Chili Peppers to what these kids are going through in replacing someone that literally oozed rock & roll. INXS was never my cup of joe, but there's no denying the talent ... so why try?

First glance at the kids who come in are that none of them holds a candle to Michael Hutchence. Upon arriving, they're all told that, in an hour, they'll be performing and the first cuts will be forthcoming.

Jordis hits the stage first. Youngest performer at 22, but her voice suggests much older. Crap for stage presence ... way too lame for INXS. That she has performed on the same stage as Twisted Sister makes her all the cooler in my book, though.

Marty does a punkish version of "You Really Got Me" (to Van Halen-style backing) ... good energy, but kinda cliche and rather unimpressive for all it's spastic energy. Are we supposed to feel sorry for him that Suzy tried to psyche him out by suggesting he needed to get his vocal chords taken care of within minutes of them arriving at the Rock Star Mansion? I'm going with no and not really apologizing for it.

Heather riffs on The Pretenders ... kinda lame voice, I thought.

Neal does Rolling Stones' "Brown Sugar" as only Napoleon Dynamite could. Odd, but he has a good presence about him. The crowd buys it, I buy it. We'll see if INXS buys it.

Daphna does Blondie. It would have worked in the 80s as a hard rock/metal version, but it sucks for INXS. Cool voice, odd presence.

Ty does "Cult of Personality." Since he's the only brutha on the list, it strikes me as a bit stereotypical of him, but the mohawk gets points out of me. Nice presence on stage, definitely some personality there to win over an audience. Voice seems a tad weak, though. A little too operatic for my taste, but he goes over well. So whadda I know?

Dana has to follow this and slows it down with Knockin on Heavens Door. What in the holy hell is up with the wrenched look on her face as she sings this tune? Cool voice, good presence. She does as much with a slow song as I think can be done with it. But there's some sorta Courtney Love creepiness about her that repulses me. That she lists a Soundgarden CD as her fave makes me hate her with a rather deep-seeded passion.

Deanna is a woman after my heart, by choosing "Peice of My Heart." Sadly, though, she pales in comparison to Hutchence, Joplin, or any other real rock star. Still, for a 36 yr old, she's pretty hot. My hunch is that a little age and maturity is going to help for this competition unless there's some kid in the pack with an "it" factor.

Mig does Nirvana ... I already want to see the historically accurate recreation of a shotgun to his head. Does it strike anyone as ironic to sing a song by someone who killed himself to audition for replacing a guy who killed himself? That the crowd went nuts over mention of Nirvana makes me want to go utterly ballistic on these poor saps.

Jessica does "Celebrity Skin." She could be doing Mary Had A Little Lamb so far as I cared. Absolutely sexiest stage presence among females.

Wil doing Bowie's "Heroes" ... great Bowie impersonator, looks like he could also do a fair Morrissey. Might ... MIGHT ... be possessing of some "it."

Heather a tattooed redhead, does "Burning Down the House." She does.

Brandon riffs on KISS's "Rock and Roll All Night." What an utterly craptacular choice of first songs to win over INXS with, I say to myself.

JD does "American Woman." Suddenly that KISS song looks better and better by comparison. He tries a few sexy moves to get some shreiks. I guess he was done in, though, by the announcer telling everyone he was living out of his car a week ago. Yeah, nothing better than a homeless bum doing a bump & grind right in your grill to win you over.

Suzy covers the Crowes' "Remedy." Am I the only one who thinks that song is entirely overrated? She misses her cue and starts with the second verse. If she were born with three feet, you can bet there'd be a hold in all three of em. It's like watching the worst karaoke performance in the world.

Dana, Suzy, & JD get sitdown first for the cut session ... easy calls, all. After Mike Parris makes the two chicks sweat it out. Yet, oddly enough, they let Suzy get another chance and cut Dana. That creepy voice just didn't work, it seems. Maybe she should have forgotten the lyrics and ended up singing less.

No clear early fave, but I'm keeping my eye on Wil, Neal, Ty, and Deanna.

The Wall, Starring Corey Feldman!

Be afraid ... be very, very afraid:

Mr. Feldman, who has hardly gained a pound or a wrinkle since his teenage years, wants people to look past his childhood. He tried image repair by appearing on the first season of "The Surreal Life," a reality show starring down-on-their-luck celebrities. He even married on the show, but it backfired. "We had been engaged for six months, but they said, 'We need a shot of you proposing to her,' " he said. "They made it seem like I was like, 'Let's get married because it would get great ratings.' "

His film work has for the most part dried up (recent titles include "Bikini Bandits" and "Serial Killing 4 Dummys"), so he turned to theater. Danny Pintauro ("Who's the Boss?") and Neil Patrick Harris ("Doogie Howser") have recently done it. Why not a former Goony?

If all goes well with "Fatal Attraction," Mr. Feldman hopes to move into musical theater. "I want to do rock operas. I would kill for the job of 'The Wall,' " he said about the musical version of the Pink Floyd film whose rights were acquired by Miramax and Thomas Mottola last year. "I would do anything. I would jump on the producer's desk naked. I would cut my chest with a razor blade."

But Xanadu is safe from this sort of perversion, right?

No Justice, No Dancing ...

Yes, but are the talks over Spice World 2 still ongoing?

Still ... something about this story doesn't quite measure up ...

SIR Bob Geldof will today announce the glittering line-up for music spectacular Live 8 - but the Spice Girls will not be in it.

The decision by concert bosses to axe them from the concert will be a bitter blow to the five stars who had hoped to re-form and play together for the first time since they split in 1998.

Geri Halliwell, 32, Victoria Beckham, 31, Melanie C, 31, Melanie B, 29, and 29-year-old Emma Bunton.

A source said: "The girls will be gutted by the decision."

But Live 8 organisers were adamant their style of music did not fit in with the serious political message about world poverty the transatlantic event hopes to portray.

OK, fine ... but then there's this a few grafs down:

Other big names being lined up include Outkast, Destiny's Child, Black-Eyed Peas, Linkin Park, Alicia Keys and Mary J Blige.

US rapper Eminem is due to play at the Washington concert which will be screened after the London gig.

Linkin Park Black-Eyed Peas, and Eminem are fine ... but the Spice Girls aren't? What the hell? Oh well ... the good news, at least, is that I can ponder the depth of world poverty as Robbie Williams covers the Queen classic "We Will Rock You."

SIDENOTE: Of course, I'd be remiss to note how well Adam Ant and Spandau Ballet really reflected the seriousness of the 80s original concernt, too. I mean, when "Goody Two Shoes" was playing, I couldn't help but shed a tear for Ethiopians ... not to mention the British music scene.

Countdown To The Sith

Let's just go ahead and declare this Geek Week and let the Star Wars previews roll ...

First up is the official review of record, from the New York Times. Aside from a notable quotable such as this: "Mr. Lucas's indifference to two fairly important aspects of moviemaking - acting and writing - is remarkable ..." the rest of the review is fairly positive. As one who is looking for a reason to be hopeful over the movie, it's at least, an encouraging read.

Best anti-Lucas rant around the web goes to this guy. Not a lot of really new arguments, but still a timely read that seems to capture more than a few of the reasons that I'm just not bouncing on pins and needles over the new episode.

Since there's not a whole lot trickling in at this early stage, here's one decent summation of the summer movie season. In the words of Jon Lovits: It Stinks! Shorter version is as follows:

... Nicole Kidman as Samantha in Bewitched: an upgrade
... Jessica Simpson as Daisy Dukes: can't miss
... Steve Martin as Inspector Clouseau: dicey, at best
... Luke Wilson as Deuce Bigalow: shoot me
... Billy Bob Thornton as Walter Mathau: shoot him
... Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka: shoot Tim Burton
... anyone in a remake of a Herbie movie: shoot everyone

With all due respect to the Batman franchise, that should not be the second most anticipated movie this summer. Top 5, maybe ... but #2? Not unless Michael Keaton is dusted off for it.

UPDATE: The Washington Post has an entire section devoted to following the movie.

Light Rock Clown Sighting Express

In the event others out there have an opening on the social calendar Wednesday night, this particular clown will be starting a scene at the Big Top bar on Main Street to partake of Light Rock Express one more time. Look for the weird guy trying to read an economic tome over beer while humming the melodic strains of Paul McCartney's "My Love."

... oh, and RSVP in the comments if you dare.

The Ringwalds Get Saxy

What a difference an instrument makes. Being alerted that local heroes Molly & the Ringwalds would be having a local hotshot sax player sitting in with the band for a few tunes, I knew to expect something different ... most likely something a tad better, even. But Ken Mondshine, the saxophonist in question, managed to impress on all levels. If I dare say so, even the Ringwalds seemed to be playing a good deal tighter than normal, but the fuller sound of the three or four numbers Ken sat in on were without a doubt, some of the best Rinwaldian fare heard in my short tenure as a regular (to the extent I dare suggest that I qualify as "regular").

Upon Ken's departure, we were left with yet another spectacle of noteworthy proportions. Seems our dear friend Sam Ringwald took umbrage with my comments on his Slash impersonation and apparently set out to prove something with his performance Friday night. Let it be known that whatever it was he was trying to prove ... got proved. A few extended solos and added riffs here and there and you'd have thought Sam just checked in from the Eddie Van Halen School of Showmanship. Particularly noteworthy for yours truly was a "crunchier" guitar sound on the pop classic "Voices Carry" ... not enough to alter the tone of the song, but enough to give it a bit more heft. It's worth pointing out that a good number of pop/new wave bands played in such a manner live back before the effects got as cheap, assorted, and easy to manipulate as they are now. A first hearing of "Open Arms" was also notably well done. Ironically, while I maintain the Slash material, though significantly better this go-round, is still a bit off, Sam's version of Neal Schon is pretty damn good and I offer that as one who views Schon as the better overall guitar player.

Notes from the Mina Fan Club: Yeah, I'm dusting off the old Rocky Horror fan club card for this since Mina accomplished two feats on this night: a) setting the tone for 80s wear and b) doing a kick-ass version of "Johnny Are You Queer?" For tunage that passed me by in the 80s (such as this number), the key is to make the number interesting. Take, for instance, the band's version of "Cool Rider." Anyone really remember that tune by heart? Probably not since about 5 people ever saw Grease II. But when done well, it doesn't matter ... good music done well wins everytime and Mina hit the number out of the park getting another solid crowd ovation for her efforts (as well as a shoutout from the Sigue Sigue Sputnick Fan Club of Houston and from the almighty Jennifer Ringwald for her outfit). Not sure I'm in the market for offering bribery if the band can manage to learn Julie Brown's "Cuz I'm A Blonde," but I will offer this much ... learn the song, put Mina on vocals, and I will proceed to dance for the entire number. Since the entire universe of living souls who have ever seen yours truly dance for the sake of making a complete ass of myself can be counted on one hand, I assure you, it'll be pretty damned entertaining for one and all. If you've seen the movie Old School, I'm going to suggest that Will Ferrell studied some unearthed recordings of my work. Oh, and apparently my need to procure an anime movie has finally kicked in as Mina will now be gracing such a venture, due out in a few months. The Fan Club was all set to follow Mina to some other club up on Main, but we never located the club in question. We do report an increase in metabolism from the workout that ensued in attempting to locate the joint, though. Next time, let's hope my cell phone is working.

Notes from the Jennifer Ringwald Fan Club: The boxing moves have won us over, we're happy to confess. But would it not be fitting to add "Eye of the Tiger" to the playlist for just such moves? I know, I know, I've already hectored enough about adding more to the Ringwald to-do list and there's only so many hours in a day and we hear ya on how busy those workdays are. We can be so demanding at times. In fairness, we'd have no complaints about a show conducted with 24 variations of the Irene Cara hit "Flashdance," so we like to think there's a balance there somewhere. Best line of the night: "I think Johnny Cash wrote it."

Notes from the Carrie Ringwald Fan Club: That look last night had to be perhaps the most 80s "do" I think I've seen from the Ringwald Femmes ... kudos. The outfit, as always ... solid. The hair in particular ... very worthy of any new wave act from the day. Oh, and lest we neglect the proper kudos, "Open Arms" was done nothing short of magnifecently.

Miscellaneous notes and loose ends:
First things first ... allow me to put the wraps on this series of long-form reviews of the weekly Ringwald festival of fun. Yeah, we've pretty much run out of fawning praise to heap upon Carrie and Jen. And given my lack of desire for a restraining order, I think we're good to just put some more passing references in future "What I Did on My Abbreviated Weekend"-type posts. Of course, if something big happens at a Ringwald show, I might have to do some hand exercises to dust off the carpal tunnels and crank out another one of these gems. But seriously, how many times can one thoroughly note the majestic magnificence of "Jessie's Girl" without getting redundant? Dare I say I've come as close to the wall on that as I hope to reach.

Clearly, if I've communicated any set of facts regarding this band, it should be that they should be witnessed in person as often as possible and appreciated on as many levels as I do ... if not more. Of course, if you're reading this now and thinking next week is the week you bust a move to the Continental Club, then tough luck - the band hits Austin for a weekend and the Carrie & Jennifer Ringwald Fan Club goes homeless for said time as we'll probably just sit at home listening to "Safety Dance" about a hundred times in a row before drinking ourselves to sleep.

A Note From Wednesday: A relatively minor note from Wednesday's show by Light Rock Express for a political fundraiser at the CC ... I'm now sorry that Uber and I departed before the gang ended their show the last time. The ending of "Taking It To The Street" is worth the entire show alone, though I'd be remiss to note my own appreciation of their cover of McCartney's "My Love" - among my personal faves. Funny thing was that for 95% of the whole night, there were but a precious few people really taking an active interest in the band. It was a social gathering, so they're pretty much background music, which was sortofa shame but oh well. As the crowd trickled out and the band hit the final number, the dozen or so who were still around noticed this band of merry troopers departing the club, clapping and singing the chorus only to arrive through the back entrance and finish off the song right where they left off. At this point, the crowd was won over, even if too late for a greater appreciation. While the top spot for my own obsessive brand of appreciation is already claimed, I think there's no shame in suggesting this band is a pretty close second. Much like the Ringwalds, it's just good clean fun done well. I may have to try and take in their Wednesday show in order to get me through the empty hole in my weekend.

Oh, and another impressive find for the night ... since I arrive at the club my usual 5 minutes early, I amble about along the sidewalk and notice that Sigs Lagoon is open ... it's the shop that's between the CC and the Big Top. I'm not sure I remember it being open before ... if it was, then I missed it and I'm an idiot. But killing some time, I checked through and inspected the merchandise (having been lured in by the prospect of a $7.99 donkey that dispenses cigarettes out of it's butt). One word to sum up this place: WOW!!! I need to locate an inexpensive turntable since this place specializes in some quality wax. They've got a good selection of DVDs and CDs as well for the alt-music scene ... lots of prime era punk, some acceptable country and blues ... as well as ample local tunage (I think they had the complete offerings of local legends The El Orbits). I was tempted to sift through the $1 LP pile and take out a bundle's worth just for the hell of it. But I also noticed some nice fresh vinyl of The Ramones that I haven't seen in a LONG time (including a 1978 concert recording). I think I may as well just sign over a percentage of my paycheck to the shopkeep.

I think this covers it for now ... I reserve the right to amend this record if details warrant an extension of my remarks, though.

Peace!

End of The Darkness?

Uh oh ....

DArkness Feud Over Album Name

... and:

The Darkness' Justin Hawkins To Release Solo Album

... and:

The Darkness' Justin To Delve Into The World Of Darts

About all that's left is for Justin Hawkins to include a cover of California Girls and shoot a video with a dancing midget. Methinks we've seen this tragedy play out before.

Paula And Me

I'd just like to state for the record that Paula Abdul and I have never had sexual relations. Of course, what really stings is that there was never any interest in my tell-all book about our still-otherwise steamy relationship.

Seriously, with all the news set to break today about L'Affaire Abdul, there's a deep sense of irony in reading quotes such as these:

"I am quite surprised and disappointed ABC is devoting an hour of its prime time programming to air tabloid trash," a top FOX executive said from Los Angeles.

I mean, come on now!!! This is outrage from the people that brought you Married With Children, Family Guy, Herman's Head, untold versions of "World's Most Fillintheblank Car Crashes/Animals Going Wild/Other Assorted Whatnot" as well as the commercialization of the unisex bathroom at law firms.

And THEY'RE outraged over tabloid trash?

What next? The WB getting outraged over CBS popularizing MILF fantasies? UPN slamming NBC for a series on blaxploitation films?

OK, OK ... so I've broken down and watched this American Idol series most every week this season. Lesson here is that anytime one gets a hot blonde to do a kickass version of one of Tiffany's better numbers, I'm a ready market. I, too, felt the sting of Anwar and Constantine's early departures while remaining perplexed at the seriously out of place Scott and the overly average Anton remaining on the show. As hoky as the show's concept is ... and as frequently as the finales tend to gravitate towards two contestants that I really have no truck with, this season seems to be a bit better if for the fact that the two likeliest to make it to the final duo (Bo & Carrie) are two that I can find some non-prepackaged & overly commercialized reason to enjoy.

So what to make of a judge who, when the competition arrives at a point where the judges role is significantly diminished, picks out clothing and a hair stylist for a contestant 20 years her junior ... and whom she promptly goes about bedding at a later point in time? I dunno ... I remain unimpressed with the basic thrust of the story - that there's something untowards about Paula Abdul's involvement. I think there's some quality analysis here in (of all places) a Houston Chronicle article that sums it up fairly for me:

"This goes back to puritanical literature from the 17th century," said Rich Hanley, a pop culture expert at the School of Communications at Quinnipiac University in Connecticut. Where within that "puritanical infrastructure, the culture seems to be more critical of sexual proclivity" than of drug abuse or even domestic violence.

"With sex the morality is clear-cut. Sex is the definition of taboo in our culture at large," said Steve Waksman, a professor of music at Smith College in Massachusetts. "On some level it's weird that this particular thing is playing out the way it is. Drugs are, typically, every bit as suspect. I think there are certain places in the culture where drug use is likely to be overlooked. Clearly, within the workings of the music industry, drug use is, I don't know if I'd go far enough to say routine, but it's not an overstatement.

"It has to do with character, and character has to do with expectation. Some people aren't expected to know better or some people are expected to live more dangerously."

Then there's the gender double standard.

Women in trouble
Take American Idol's second season castoff Franchelle Davis, who was kicked off after it was revealed she had starred in a porn movie, or, in a broader sense, the Janet Jackson breast-baring fiasco at last year's Super Bowl. In both cases the women were chastised. Davis was thrown off the show, and Jackson's new album didn't sell. In the Super Bowl incident, Justin Timberlake, who exposed Jackson's breast, enjoyed a boost in popularity.

"Women, I think, are expected to follow a more strict set of rules," Waksman explained.

That's why Monica Casper, director of women's and gender studies at Vanderbilt University in Tennessee, thinks Abdul will be "vilified" if these accusations turn out to be true.

"I feel like there's a contradiction in that women are so often positioned as sexual objects and on display, (yet) we're also in trouble if we participate in an unacceptable way."

Anthony Pomes, who served as chief research editor on Joe Franklin's Great Entertainment Trivia Game, said Abdul was almost set up for this kind of scandal.

When Constantine Maroulis was booted off AI last week, "the cameras almost created a romance between him and Paula," Pomes said. "She was the weeping wife, waiting for the GI to come home. It became almost The Paula and Constantine Show."

"These are archetype characters with these archetype story lines of the rise, the fall and the redemption," Hanley said.

Or, from another vantagepoint ... Ashton Kutcher good; Demi Moore not good. Sure, it'd be great and wonderful if everyone played according to type and those "types" were universally accepted as fine and dandy. But the worst case scenario in the current affair (pun intended) is that a "judge" who has no say-so on someone's professional success might have helped the guy pick a song or two before he ultimately got canned from the show when it was revealed he whomped his sister and some cops earlier in life. I mean, what was the bargain here? That Paula would REALLY say nice things about the guy after his 90 second musical venture on the stage? ... as opposed to the "just kinda nice" stuff she'd otherwise spout off about people whether they sucked or not? I mean, that's sorta like nailing the Special Ed teacher ... she was gonna pass everyone and say nice things about you anyway. So what's really to gain?

Oh right ... a book deal. I forgot about that. 'Nuff said.

More Linkage:
ABC News: Ex-'Idol' Claims Abdul Affair
http://www.drudgereport.com/mattid2.htm
An Illicit Affair on 'American Idol'?

IdolOnFox.com

AI's Response:

RESPONSE TO CLARK ALLEGATION
Disqualified “American Idol” contestant Corey Clark was removed from the show for failing to disclose his criminal arrest history. Despite documented procedures and multiple opportunities for contestants to raise any concerns they may have, the producers of “American Idol,” FremantleMedia, 19 Entertainment and FOX were never notified or contacted by Mr. Clark, nor presented any evidence concerning his claims. We will, of course, look into any evidence of improper conduct that we receive. In the meantime, we recommend that the public carefully examine Mr. Clark’s motives, given his apparent desire to exploit his prior involvement with “American Idol” for profit and publicity.

Honky and the Ringwalds

Jeez, here it is over twenty-four hours after the Ringwalds exited the stage on Friday and I'm just now recovered enough to blog about the night before. In and of itself, that ought to tell ya something. Being tipped off about a great headline act later in the night, I conned a cohort/ride for the night into sticking around for the experience. I mean, when you never know when lesbians might show up and start a riot, you've got to have a damned good excuse to not be where the action is (or might be). Apparently work assignments were not enough of a reason to keep either of us away.

First up ... the standard Friday fare of Ringwaldian fun. Upon being tipped off shortly before the show that the lovely Mina would be making our acquaintance, some serious karaoke plotting had to be done. True to form, a submission was placed right about the time of Mina's first sip of alcohol (or, to be fair ... first sip of Continental Club alcohol). Since Mina pulled a karaoke rarity, I think this deserves special mention up front ... singing "99 Red Balloons" in German just rocks and Mina hit this one out of the park. For those not quite as familiar with the Legend of Mina, her karaoke playlist is a wisely chosen setlist that her voice is nearly perfect for. Having done "Voices Carry" the week before (while I was attending a little social event up in suburban Odessa), I've now got a mental note to demand a future performance of this for my own viewing/listening pleasure. But one now-all-too-serious request for the band ... what's it take to learn "I'm A Blonde" as performed by Julie Brown in the cinematic masterpeice, Earth Girls Are Easy? I'm fairly certain that this song would be a showstopper if Mina hams it up while singing it as perfectly as the original. Final Mina note for this post: congrats on the anime voice gig.

Now, the heart of the show ... we had the first witnessing of "Footloose" (actually debuted by the band last week) and the Jennifer Ringwald Fan Club heartily approves of the version as sung by Jen. Of course, we also got a good indication of the true professional that Jen is by attempting to take the blame for messing up the ending of one of the songs (faulty memory here - was it "Rock the Casbah?"). A mere timing issue, nothing major, but Jen dived on the grenade while the Fan Club is quick to correct the record and blame Sam. This applies to a wide array of issues in and out of music, so we'll just call this the First Law of Jennifer: If something goes wrong, blame Sam.

We also had a nifty new drumset to take in ... some sorta digitized gizmo complete with an Ashlee Simpson box on the side. There were a few songs where it was a noticable improvement, and I say that as a traditionalist who prefers the normal drumkits just as I demand that all guitar amps should be equipped with tubes instead of digital circuitry. However, for a fuller recreation of the 80s experience, Gene needs to lose an arm to explain a digital drumkit in an 80s band.

Notes from the Carrie Ringwald Fan Club: It is now duly noted that shows that start off with Carrie sharing the vocal workload seem to be better appreciated. I mean, I'm hardly a fan of anything involving The Proclaimers, but when it's sung by the two Ringwald lovelies, it's that much more entertaining. Seems like this show started off with two or three numbers before Carrie hit the keys fulltime. More show openings of this nature, please.

Notes from the Jennifer Ringwald Fan Club: Ya know, we make a lot of room for allowances in order to pledge our faith to all things Jen. But eye puss is not one of those things. That's just sick. While the fan club reported no defections, we only state this as a concern that it might prevent growth of the fan club as an international organization and force for good in the world. Otherwise, the stage banter was world class: "Broken Code" monkeys are a surefire hit ... eye puss, less so.

Other quick hits from the show:

Dekan's solo on the tail end of "I Want You To Want Me" just flat-out rocked.

The Big James Fan Club apparently has a new convert based on it accosting him after the show. Kudos, good man ... kudos!

Sure, we give Sam a lot of abuse around here. Threats to start up a Jennifer Ringwald Defamation Club are not to be taken lightly. But major props are to be given anyone bold enough to sport a shirt advocating the re-election of one James Earl Carter. Let's face it, 1980 was a tough year for the Man from Plains. A Sam Ringwald Fan Club may well be in the making if Sam can locate a 1984-era Gary Hart shirt, elthough I'd guess his politics to be somewhere more akin to John Anderson ('80) or Al Haig ('88). That said, I think a Pete DuPont ('88) shirt should be located for Jen.

The interlude between The Ringwalds and Honky was filled by a band going by Barfield. Now, I can be rather finicky about my blues bands. Rule number one ... at least one member must be blind, deaf, or required by a doctor to play a stringed instrument while sitting down. I'm not a big fan of college students/graduates as blues musicians. Along those lines, dropping out of UT does not qualify as "living the blues." Witnessing dual guitar players in this band, I was a tad bit disappointed that neither of them really tore up the soloing. Yeah, I know ... that's a bit Simon Cowell-ish of me, but I think it's still a fair point. All that aside, the rhythm section of this band was about as tight as a spray-on glove. We saw the drummer miss all of one beat in the last song, but everything else was incredibly impressive and at a relatively high degree of difficulty. The singer has a great blues voice, but I'm not sure I really want to see a singer in a band like this doing a flamenco dance at various points in the show, nor do I think anyone other than Mick Jagger should do a rooster strut.

Now ... the big show of the night ... Honky! I'll have to disagree with the original descripition of the band's guitarist in Dekan's livejournal offering. The guy was definitely drawing heavily from Zakk Wylde, but the rest of the Ozzy sidemen weren't noticably evident as influences. Still, they rocked and they did so the old fashioned way: loudly!

As one who managed to survive a Ted Nugent Texas Jam appearance, ear plugs were optional in my case. A loud Gibson cranked through a Marshall amp does the body some good, I say. And even though one does not have to get into the band's brand of country-fried rock on steroids (and Jim Beam), I take heart in knowing that there's still a market for loud, guitar-driven music out there in the world. As evidenced by the over-curled cowboy hats in the crowd, there's still an ample market for whatever genre it is that the band is pitching. That's good too. No amount of words I can offer would do Honky justice. It's not my genre to critique in detail. But it's good clean fun (well, ok, not really all that "clean"). Honky is not to be missed.

ADD-ON: Mixing more music and politics, Light Rock Express is playing the CC on Wednesday as the musical entertainment for city council race fundraiser (for Jay Aiyer). Jay's a friend so I need no excuse to promote his candidacy, but having the added bonus of LRE there makes this an easy call. If you care to make it out and get to know a little about Jay, I'm pretty sure you can slip in without a donation, but $10 is sufficient enough for the combined musical and social experience.

Dekan Knows Vandenberg!

At long last (ed note - come on, has it really been that long?), Dekan Ringwald has done the seemingly impossible. After earlier flubs at what I maintain is the single coolest guitar solo done in a Ringwalds tune, he's finally nailed the classic Adrian Vandenberg guitar solo to the wall and claimed it as his hunting trophy. For that, I can only offer the highest of praise.

The night got off to a slow start, what with it being a Wednesday and all. Still, I've seen much smaller turnouts at the Continental for much bigger names (at least nationally). Item of note at the early stage: was this just a one-shot deal that the bar had RC Cola that they were giving away for free, or was I just some lucky beneficiary in the right time and place to take advantage of that cola bounty? Also, I could not help but notice the pizza brought in for dining purposes that seemed about the size of Lukenbach. I had to take a sample just for the hell of it. Not the greatest pizza, but I can now say I've had a slice of a (guessing here) 48 inch pizza.

Ringwald madness, I'll be short on outside of the Dekans flirtation with metal greatness. Slightly condensed set and much as I love to hype the talent and beauty of the two female Ringwalds, I think this night really belongs to Karaoke Ken. Ken managed to do his usual entertaining version of John Cougar Mellencamp's "Authority Song," but in this case, we had weeknight Ken doing said song in a suit & tie. It was a moment of irony I may never live to see outdone. For better or worse, his pants did not fall down at the end of the song ... but it was nip and tuck there for a few verses. Between that, Dekan's guitar solo, and a return of Rebecca to do a karaoke version of "Love Shack," I can't complain about a mere $7 cover charge. Besides, it went to a good cause.

Brief moments to admire from the Jennifer & Carrie Fan Clubs: Jennifer's ability to unsheathe a rainbow belt at the beginning of "Sweet Child o' Mine" and put the aforementioned belt on DURING the song is a spectacle that only Ken could find a way to top. Reminds us ... we now know what the show needs more of: Jen spanking Sam. Gotta love that. The Carrie Ringwald Fan Club, meanwhile, could not help but take pity on an overworked Carrie lugging around heavy equipment after breaking down the stage setup. Good God, get this woman a road crew!

One benefit of the lighter crowd early on in the evening was the chance to put a few names to faces and um ... what's that word, again? ... socialize. So yeah, I rubbed elbows, so to speak, with Ken and got to make proper introductions with Gene. I was planning on dwelling on the genius that is Gene for this review, but Dekan pretty much dictated where the glory needed to be directed for this round. Another benefit ... "Big James" managed to get the 4th high score on the Burgertime machine. Next time anyone's back there on that thing, check to see if "POO" is still on there.

Afterwards, we ambled on over to the Big Top to inspect one of the other bands making the scene. Light Rock Express, I've gotta admit, was pretty damned enjoyable. Sam Ringwald was handling rhythm guitar duties and many of the familiar faces were in attendance ... including Big James' future wife and probably no less than a dozen women that will likely have a restraining order on me within a month or so.

According to sources, Thursday night is a Beatles cover band at the same locale ... if the work schedule accomodates, I may have to contemplate that one. No Ringwalds on the 15th and the 22nd is a conflict with a certain social gathering that is way beyond optional. I think I've got enough quality Ringwaldian entertainment to bide me over till the 29th.

Till then ...

Picture If You Will...

Film collector site thevideobeat.com had this listing, offered without comment.

DOUBLE FEATURE 1) AMOR A RITMO DE GO-GO 1966 MX. film. The Mexican "Rocanrolero Phenomenon" (Mexico's Rock n Roll movement) of the 50s & 60s gave birth to great rock n roll garage bands and teenage films. Amor A Ritmo De Go-Go is set in the top Mexican Go-Go clubs of the 1960s and is probably among the better of Mexico's teen and rock n roll films. If you dig "Hang On Sloopy" and "Wooly Bully," you'll love this movie! One of the characters looks like Saddam Hussein...it's a trip watching him twist his butt off in a mod discotheque! Rock n roll groups appearing include, Los Rockin' Devil's, Los Hooligans, and La Orquesta de Leo Acosta! Tons of cool songs including: "Hey Lupe," "Si Soy Graciosa," "Amor A Ritmo De Go Go," "Bule Bule," "Watussi Go-Go," "Que Flojera," "Go Go Tropical" and many more! Javier Sols, Rosa Mara Vasquez, Leonorilda Ochoa, Eleazar "Chelelo" Garca, Ral Astor, Yolanda Montes.

Late Notice Ringwald Fun

Wednesday night, at the Continental Club ... The Ringwalds hit the stage at 7 for a charity event, benefitting the Musicians Benevolent Society of Houston. Cover charge is $7 ... be there. I've already guilt-tripped Uber into a semi-commitment, currently seeking hangers-on for even more weeknight fun. RSVP in the comments if available. If you think your company is desirable enough for me to pay the cover for you, I'll entertain such offers. A relatively short set due to numerous other bands on the bill. If you go for Ringwalds only, you should be back on the road home by 9pm.

Reminds me ... does anyone else think it'd be a good idea to get Kassi & Jeff to do Ringwald Karaoke to "Time Warp?"

Flying Solo With The Ringwalds

Another weekend, another trip to the Continental Club. After throwing Ralphie into the deep end of the pool last week, and seeing the rest of our troupe make "other arrangements" this week, I and I alone held true to my commitment to obsession and made the jaunt. So on with the show ...

First things first, there's a bit of karmic justice to dole out. Seems last week, I ran out of steam around 3am whilst penning a masterful review and couldn't quite give one Sam Ringwald the proper dose of positive press he rightfully deserved. So I vowed to make this week's review a bit more Sam-centric. Fear not, though ... I'm not about to give short shrift to dancing girls in short skirts. 'Specially when there were three of 'em on stage this week. See what you miss, gang.

Anyways ... let's get this Sam Ringwald coverage over and done with shall we? First, let's attempt to wrap our minds around the complexity that is Sam Ringwald.

To understand Sam is to understand what he is not within The Ringwalds grand scheme. I mean, you start with two incredibly lovely ladies that grace the stage - that's simple to understand. Then we move to Dekan - by most objective standards, the dude looks something of the part of a musician and has better hair and teeth than 99% of the rest of the world. Damn that Dekan! Then we have Gene on the drums looking every bit the road wearied veteran drummer that he may well damn be.

But Sam? Sam is the Everyman in the band. As opposed to the other band members, whose roles are more aspirational in nature, Sam is the one guy you look at in the band and think to yourself: "I can do that!"

But you can't ... for Sam Ringwald is better than you (or so I'm led to believe by the always reliable word of anonymous websites!). Yes, Sam has acheived a level of what I would term: "dork chic." It's sorta like when Steve Urkel discovered the formula that made him cool (Stefan Urquell), but Laura made him take the antidote and loved him for what he was ... or when Dustin Diamond got irritated with the masterful scripting of "Saved by the Bell" that made him look like a goofball and demanded to be shown as more lovable ... or, from a female perspective, kinda like when Jo became the hot chick on "Facts of Life." Of course, the other obvious female example is when the older sister of Full House had a boyfriend, so they had to do something with her sidekick character, Kimmy Gibler ... and lo and behold, she was hot. Yeah, that's what Sam brings to the game ... just not as hot as Kimmy Gibler. Wait a minute, when did this point fall apart, exactly?

Anyhoo ... Upon the start of the show, I attempted to take copious mental notes of every endeavor Sam partook of the stringed instruments. But that didn't really pan out very well. Ironically enough, the first note that stuck was a critical one ... seems Sam plays "Money for Nothing" with a pick. As any self-respecting Mark Knopfler fan knows that his distinct sound is mostly due to his brilliant finger-picking and any Dire Straits tune should only be attempted as such. Then again, as one who once tossed the tab sheets to "Sultans of Swing" into the fireplace out of frustration, I realize the degree of difficulty at stake here. Worth noting that the triple harmonies of Dekan, Carrie & Jen were a masterful replication of Sting's recorded tracks from that song.

But back to Sam ... Let's take a look at how Sam's wacky brand of "dork chic" makes The Ringwalds the complete package that it is. By the time the band did the Go-Go's classic "Vacation," Sam is doing his usual cigarette routine, letting the ashes accumulate to the point of dribbling all over a finely crafted guitar, as if to feign a Keith Richards-like indifference to the tools of the trade and demonstrate a rough-hewn artisan approach to the value of the music deriving from the musician himself. Only instead of a really cool, timeless number like "Satisfaction," we're talking about a tune by The Go-Gos. And yet, as I witnessed what might strike some as a travesty towards on-stage professionalism, I asked myself: "Is that how Jane Weidlan would have performed this song." Then, of course, I had to marvel as the degree of Sam's genius. Of course Jane Weidlan would never do such a thing. Injecting a dose of originality to the all-too-often tired art of cover bands was sheer brilliance. I could only step back and marvel.

One subtle note I'd heap praise upon as well ... Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time" contains some masterfully beautiful guitar work behind an even lovelier vocal performance. All too often this point is ignored or lost ... after all, what guitar player would take a Cyndi Lauper number THAT seriously. Apparently, Sam's inherent genius realizes that the song was REALLY one created by The Hooters, who backed up Cyndi before breaking big. The Hooters, it should be noted, were a seriously underrated band for their time and contained a great crew of both musicians and songwriters alike. I mean, I'm not saying they're the freakin' Beatles or anything, but they definitely deserved a better lot than they got for being known as "the band that used to back up the chick that danced with that wrestler dude on MTV." Kudos on a job well done, Sam. Oh, and my constitutional duty within the heirarchy of the Jennifer Ringwald Fan Club dictates that I state what a bang-up job Jen did on the vocals here.

Above and beyond all of this, Sam also deserves credit for stepping up to the plate when he knew the spotlight was on him for this show. Knowing that the review would focus a bit more on Sam, our subject even managed to hit for the cycle by playing drums for Billy Idol's "Mony Mony." Of course, after the show, Sam tracks me down to note the number of mistakes he made throughout the night. But even when screwing up, Sam lands on his feet. Just witness his forgetting of the lyrics to the poetic ode known as "Rock the Casbah." It still came across as wonderful, even as Sam admitted to forgetting the lyrics in full stride of the chorus. Simply masterful.

I'm reasonably sure I've neglected many of the finer points of Sam's performance this evening, so bear with me. It's late and I'm tired ... and I've still gotta save a little bit of energy and enthusiasm for hitting the usual subjects of any thorough Ringwalds review: Carrie and Jen. But I want to end on a high note here, so let's get the "everything else" portion out of the way.

One minor blurb that deserves high praise for drummer, Gene Ringwald. Sir, you are a genius for FINALLY devising a way to have an entire audience pay attention to a drum solo. Leading into it with the Bow Wow Wow dazzler, "I Want Candy," the stage was graced with a band acquaintance (Trisha or Tricia, however its spelled) doing a bellydance routine to the rhythmic rumble of the tune. I swear, I've heard this song numerous time. But for once in my life, I fully understood what it truly meant to want candy. The dance continued into Gene's drum solo. At least I think he was playing drums. For all I know, he had a cassette tape looped back there. Oddly enough, a few brave souls kept at it on the dance floor, hereby proving that some peole will just try to dance to ANYTHING. Our stage dancing diva, however, was the star of this moment. If I wasn't so risk-averse to think I could start up another fan club without running that conept into the ground, I think we all know I'd do it.

Dekan, gets a B for bravery on this evening. Odd ... Dekan can crank out some nifty solo work when there's no pressure. Dekan did an admirable job on the notably difficult "Hot for Teacher," yet once more found the guitar work of one Adrian Vandenberg too difficult to master. Seriously, I'm not sure what it is. Did my presence at a sound check for this number jinx Dekan on this score? Does Dekan's continued belittling of Adrian Vandenberg anger the gods of metal in some way? Would they be better off going to the radio edit version of the song as recorded by studio maven (and frontman of the unheralded late-80s band, Giant) Dan Huff instead of dealing in the black arts of Adrian Vandenberg's neoclassical riffing? I haven't a clue. But true to form, Dekan tracks me down after the show to have a good laugh at his miss on the song, all while committing himself to nailing the solo eventually. Quite the professional, that Dekan.

Since we entered this evening knowing the impossibility of another round of Big James Karaoke, we got a few of the other regulars, including one I hadn't encountered yet. Karaoke Ken did his usual entertaining version of John Cougar Mellencamp's "Authority Song" while the lovely ... um ... was it Rebecca? ... did a bangup job of The Go-Go's "Vacation" if memory serves correct. We also got our first glance at Journey Rob, or as he was known tonight: Robert Van Halen. I'm not sure the reenactment of David Lee Roth in the MTV classic was a qualified success, but it was entertaining. Given that DLR really doesn't sing the song he's supposed to, I think we can all call it a draw nevertheless.

Notes from the Jennifer Ringwald Fan Club: We couldn't help but notice that the witty and ever lovable stage banter about your day at the office fell a little flat among the non-fan club types. Fear not ... I think I know what happened. You forgot to mention marshmallows and explaining the difference between unicorns and pegasuses (pegasi?). Hey, wait a minute ... I think we just found your next source of material for stage banter: openly pondering what the plural of pegasus is. Feel free to borrow that one. I'm pretty sure it's a guaranteed winner. We're here to serve, ya know. One question lingers, though ... what was it that was being sung in the background of "Mony Mony," precisely?

On a fashion note, hot pink and black works wonders for you. Wait. Since when did I suddenly become a fashion critic? The official position of the Fan Club Charter specifically states that Jennifer Ringwald shall be determined to look adorable regardless of what she's wearing.

Notes from the Carrie Ringwald Fan Club: Since most (ok, all) of our members work a split shift in their loyalties, we passed a motion that Carrie work in some stage banter to brighten our otherwise dim lives by. The world needs this uplifting motivation ... trust me. Suggestions for material might include (but we don't want to limit ourselves here) retelling a few dreams involving second-rate Fox cartoon sitcoms, the travails of moving (so much material to work with here), and so on. Who knows, maybe even a brief poetry slam ... whatever that is. Drop us a note if a full monologue is desired. Otherwise, we have all the confidence in the world of your artistic majesty.

No fashion notes here ... the same bylaw stated in the JRFC is also included in the CRFC charter.

Etc ...
Hmmm ... did I leave anything important out of this review? Probably. There was a new song worked into the set tonight. Wasn't one I recall living off of in the 80s, but it fit the bands theme well and had ample opportunities to show off the keyboard wizardry of Carrie. Definitely recommended for heavy rotation.

'Nuther closing note ... that "500 Miles" song, I hafta admit I hate that song with a red hot passion only exceeded by all things Right Said Fred. But what seems to prove the neverending lovability of The Ringwalds, it was actually ... dare I say it ... entertaining. Never thought I'd live to say that. Yet, here we are.

Oh, and the guitar volume was suitable this go-round. After last week's disappearing act for the guitar sound, this was a most welcome improvement. Feedback has never been a concern for this 80s metalhead ... recall that about a full third of that genre involves feedback in the song itself. Next time around, have some fun with it.

The Day the Music Died ....

Criminey! ... did Jessica Simpson run out of 80s tunes to cover? ... or did R&B bands run out of 80s tunes to sample? ... or did 80s bands run out of comebacks to attempt?

Seriously, not to be a cultural prude and just blindly bash rap/hip-hop, but I'm pretty sure the fact that Fitty-cent warrants FOUR top-10 hits is a sad commentary on the quality of music out today.

That said, I should note that I missed American Idol on Tuesday. Probably for the best ... the theme was musicals and there's not much in that genre that makes me tingle. But with a couple of rule changes and lucky picks of the draw, they've managed to assemble a decent reminder that all is not lost on the music world. Never thought I'd say it, but God bless Fox television for something other than The Simpsons. The rule change was raising the age limit. This allowed for two 29-yr old rockers to be included among the final 10, with one of them being a prime bet for inclusion in the final two. The luck of the draw, of course, is Carrie Underwood. That Vonzell chick is pretty decent too. Just pleases the ears to hear some new talent every once in a while and realize all just might not be lost.

A Night At The Continental - The Sequel

Well, the long-awaited followup trek to the Continental Club finally happened. Yes, it's been an arduous two weeks since the initial showing of the clowns at this fine establishment. This time, we substituted Ulysses for Ralphie. Lured by the prospect of young attractive members of the opposite sex dancing onstage and the mindmelt of Uber/Big James bringing down the house, we've now sullied yet another virgin mind. And we also learned a valuable lesson ... the bar does serve Coffee and Kaluah. I'm not really sure when that bit of information is going to come in handy or whether that should really surprise me, but there ya go.

Since the introductory post of mine serves as a healthy foundation for understanding the affair at hand with The Ringwalds, let's get into specifics here:

Item, the first ... allow me to reverse some karma from the initial review and praise Dekan's guitar work on two songs in particular. "My Sharona" can be done any number of ways. The guitar work in the extended version this night was rather impressive. There were actual moments of originality that are great to see in a cover band. And if I dare say so, Dekan's version of the extended solo would give the original a good run for its money. Second point on Dekan's guitar work worth noting - ya know the song by A'ha ... "Take On Me"??? Well, where the keyboard intro is normally was replaced by a guitar version that gave the song a slightly heavier feel to it. Good enough so that Jennifer did not "cringe" from the heaviness, but heavy enough to please this rehabbed 80s metalhead. So there ya go, world ... positive press for Dekan Ringwald.

Item the second ... I don't remember loving Kim Wilde's "Kids in America" as much as I do when I see Jenn & Carrie thrashing out to it. Make of this what you will.

C ... thank you Ringwalds for hitting my request of "Goodbye to You." Another great mixed-genre tune in that it can appeal to new wave fans, pop fans, LA punk fans, and it even has enough guitar work to please us rockers. Also a good pick for this band because it's a good showcase for Jenn & Carrie in particular. Nifty keyboard solo for Carrie and a few good moments for some soulful yelling out of Jen. A perfect fit from my own vantagpoint, if I dare say so.

Only real oddity of the night was hearing "Material Girl" early in the set. Slow start for the show, as the energy level picked up during the set. But the speed of this song in particular seemed a tad slow and altered the song enough so that it dampened the original Madonna "fun" elements to something closer to a slower, more sardonic Blondie style ... just with those squeaky noises added in, which were done magnificently (really no idea why I like that, but I do).

One gripe for the night ... the two heaviest tunes of the night, back to back: Joan Jett's classic hit and one other I fail to remember. Complaint is this ... I could not make out the rhythm guitar playing for the life of me. Solos stood out, but either the bass was a bit too heavy all night or the guitar was turned way too down. Granted, I think it to be a sin to have a cool Jackson guitar with as little high end as is commonly played by the band. Anyways, looked as if another audience member took to the stage with that note as the problem was shortlived. Me, being me, I just wait till I hit the keyboard at home later in the evening to whine about it. Woe is me.

Reports from the Jennifer Ringwald Fan Club ... stage banter about marshmallows and your day at work intrigue us all. We find them gripping and compelling. Anyone that would dare compare the Fabulous Jennifer Ringwald to the lowly Kimmy Gibler is so totally not cool. Oh, and cool unicorn shirt, too.

Reports from the Carrie Ringwald Fan Club ... we're still trying to figure out the answer to "What famous person does Carrie look like" since it was determined that erstwhile MTV VeeJay Kennedy is not considered "famous." The look thrown together at tonight's show only adds to this confusion but compels us in our mission. Best way to describe it is as if the really hot math teacher at school decided to wear a leather/pleather skirt and suddenly you found a new level of appreciation for the mathematical sciences. Since my math teacher really isn't famous either, this still leaves our initial question unresolved. We do, however