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T.H.I.S. Shall Not Stand!

It's been a while since I've posted one of these, so I thought I'd go all old-school ... retro even ... and do one of those "Grade" reviews just to see who gets ticked off first by the concept. So kick back and enjoy. As luck would have it, it takes a lot for me to get talked into a trip to Webster, TX to take in our dandy Websterian Rocky Horror troupe: Sadistic Pleasures. As even better luck would have it, Pete's performance as Dr. Frank was more than enough. Simply stated, there was no wrong that Pete could do in this role ... and he didn't disappoint. Despite various efforts. The rest of the show, however, brings me to this one regrettable recommendation ...

It's time for Jarimie to yank whatever license this cast has to the name "Sadistic Pleasures." I still give this cast enough credit to be a skosh over the level of the infamous T.H.E.M. experiment at River Oaks. But it's a close call at that ... the parallels are pretty strong. Read on to find out why.

Preshow (F---) - Worst ever ... and that takes a lot of doing. If it's to the point where the preshow must be more time consuming than a World Cup soccer match, it should at least be entertaining. I'm pretty sure there were days that Jarimie kept everyone in the theater till 4am at times ... but it was usually warranted by the entertainment value. Sometimes. Either way, I've forgiven him. Second rule ignored is this: when guys fail at swallowing a banana whole, move on; when hot chicks fail at swallowing a banana, they get a do-over. Many if looks warrant.

Dr. Frank - Mary Woronov/Abe Vigoda (A) - what need be said? The legend clearly arrived before Frank made his entrance. And for Pete's efforts, he gets a solid A. Not a Randy-esque A+++ ... just a solid, workmanlike A. The portrayal bears some parallels to The Amazing Randy due to the fact that when both played Frank, they didn't morph into character. Instead, they basically played themselves to the tune of Frank. It's also worth noting that the wig should be kept on hand by Pete since it makes for an improved overall product. The leather can be lost. Fishnets ... optional.

Brad - Erin (F) ... oddly, it's sorta like seeing a much younger, more inhibited Randy with this one. Maybe there's some longterm potential that can be molded and shaped. Just not Saturday night.

Janet- Ashley D. (A+) ... Clearly the high point of the evening. And not just as Janet, but also as a rather strong second-banana (so to speak) for the preshow. Just a shame there wasn't a solid first banana! Obviously, good looks go a long way in any performance and that base is impressively covered. But there's just enough thespiatic talent here that gets a character across as well. Well done, ma'am ... well done.

Riff - James (F) ... F, as in "forgotten."

Magenta - Patricia (F) ... F, as in "forgettable."

Columbia - Evan (F+) ... ok, so good looks help. But there's that other element that's a bit lacking. I think by the end of the show, I'd concluded that if Evan were switched out with Glitter, the entire performance would be light years better. I stand by that. A good Columbia requires a bit of personality be exuded.

Eddie - Robert (F) ... It's been suggested by others, with far more acting talent than I possess, that speaking/singing along with the movie aids the performance on the part of the actor/actress. I've counted numerous moments where it probably didn't matter to me simply sitting in the cheap seats. But there is something that comes out of a performance that you're ... ya know ... performing. As opposed to lip synching. On the whole, I tend to agree with that ... but in this role in particular, it's irrefutable. Doesn't matter if you have the singing chops of a ... well, me. Just belt out the tune and you're much more into the swing of things. Otherwise, you're battling Carlos for the worst performance of Eddie ever.

Rocky - Glitter (F) ... stretch marks and the blank stare brought about by a bag full of bad pot do not make this character more intriguing. Far from it. That is all.

Dr. Scott - Cowboy (F) ... This grade deserves to be much lower. I mean, I'm not sure how you can screw this up more. It says something when you've been outperformed by a wet floor sign. But I'm forgiving Cowboy on this score - that he's taught me that movies are truly bad for civilization. They bring about the worst fads. I mean, I thought it was cute when everyone wanted to immitate Molly Ringwald back in my day. I seriously did not mind that one bit. But with the advent of Brokeback Mountain, I could use a bit less in the way of gay cowboys roaming about. For that, Cowboy, I thank you for opening my eyes.

Crim - John A. (F) ... aka - Weekend at Bernie's, Part 4.

Trixie - Dustin (F) ... I may not have been paying attention, really. But then again, that's really a knock on this performance, isn't it?

Lights - B.B. (F) ... A.D.D. has truly ruined what little hope I previously had in the future.
Crew - Casey (F) ... I'm going to be nice and just leave this one uncommented.

So there ya go. Aim your ire appropriately.

Help Wanted

Help wanted for challenging weekly position south of Beltway 8. Introverts need not apply. Responsibilities include herding packs towards a common goal, begging for money and annoying people for hours on end. Must have the following skills: be able to distinguish jailbait from legal, be able to keep your wangdoodle in your pants while in public, must be able to withstand many unique and offensive odors, have a very accurate gaydar and able to tell male from female from question mark. Patience is a must, as most of the people you will be dealing with are products of severly underfunded and mismanaged school systems. Established relationships with adult club owners are a plus, as we are often considered a training ground for these establishments. Must be more entertaining than a box of packing material, especially when given a microphone and the duty to warm up an audience. If your idea of entertaining is just shouting at the audience with no sense of timing, witty banter or even a coherent train of thought, please read another ad. The only shift available is on Saturday nights. Benefits may include any of the following: free leftover food, gratuitous nudity (both the kind you want to see and the kind that makes you want to poke out your eyes), the opportunity to be a father figure to many young people and the potential to be a "star". If interested, please reply with your resume and I will forward it to the appropriate party. Don't worry, you can't be any worse than the very hairy guy already doing the job.

ART

It'd be an argument for going to RHPS if she still did much of that...

Some pics of this chick

Rocky Turns 30 ... Next Week

Since some of you may be wondering where in the holy heck that Rocky Review is, I'll tell ya ... I'm holding off for a week. Yep, since all you freakin' bastards hightailed it out of town for a hurricane that dropped about a millimeter of rain for the thrill of sitting on the highways for half a day, I'm taking out my angst on you by returning the favor of waiting.

See, the ideal situation would have had a crew of diehards holed up at River Oaks during Hurricane Rita, the streets surely would have flooded us in, as Allison did years prior. So we would have had to improvise while nobody could leave, playing the unholy trio of cinematic history:

1. Rocky Horror
2. Shock Treatment
3. The Apple

And if we still were locked in without any movie madness, I'll just let this out there: I keep a copy of "Island of Death" on my person at all times.

So now ya know.

Seriously ... review forthcoming next week.

Simply because I like youse guys so much

Click here - no, on second thought, don't.

STOP THE PRESSES

I swear I'll never transmit Zappa at 2 ghz ever again... unless it got 'em medium well...

RHPS 12.4.2004 Webster Dollar Cinema

The sound channels totally failed for an entire verse during the Floor Show scene - and much of the audience sang along well enough to keep the dance together until the soundtrack returned.

A "CENSORED" scrim was placed over the Rocky/Janet appearance... just in case.

An unidentified guy in ordinary street clothes was seen running behind Eddie for no apparent reason.

Not bad for finals week.

Uber's Scathing Rocky Review

Much like the show on 8/14, this one is not going to be pretty...

After about a 3-month hiatus, I ventured down to Webster to see the latest offering from Sadistic Pleasures. Let's just say I was not impressed. It was an adequate show, but by no means a barnburner. Another attendee reported that this show was better than other recent shows. And in looking at the cast, there has been a lot of turnover of performers due to various reasons. The rustiness of some of the cast showed, but that is to be expected. There was just something else keeping this show from being what it could have been. Perhaps there was a bad vibe from being in a different house in the theater. Or perhaps the cast just wasn't drunk enough.

Preshow Entertainment (The Brads performing "Wig in a Box"): A+. I really do like your chemistry together. Jim on guitar is Jim at his most reserved, which is a nice contrast from crackbaby, bouncing-off-the-walls Jim. It throws the audience for a loop when they see the same guy who was strumming his guitar behind Jeff start going crazy later in the night as Riff. While Jeff's singing isn't the strongest in the world, he has a good look to add to this combo. Don't get me wrong, he's tone-deaf like other Rocky alumni who have sung in bands. Just remember, your diaphragm is your friend.

Preshow Speech (Carlos): D-. The only way this would have been worse is if goat-boy had started stuttering in spanish. Come on, Carlos! At least have the basic points memorized. Or failing that, bring up some notecards. That's actually an idea for a preshow I have been wondering about. What if someone were to go full-on schoolmarm to the drooling masses and presented the rules in a slower, more organized manner. Of course this would require a nice short plaid skirt, half-buttoned starched white shirt and horned-rimmed glasses. Subtly could sometimes be a nice contrast. Just don't put Carlos up there in the skirt...

And now on to the main stage performers:

Trixie (Marcus): A-. Let me just state that I dislike male Trixies. I really enjoy a lovely lady up there warming up the crowd. However, Marcus is one heck of a performer, and can make me forget this bias. Always inventive in costuming and makeup, it shows that he has a background and future in theater. Of all the entries to the cast in the last year, I think he stands above and beyond all others.

Frank (Jeff): A-. Jeff has become one of my favorite Franks in the last year. He's refined his look to stand out more when he's on stage and is one of the better performers at using body language to his advantage. A little rustiness from not performing in a while, but that should shake off and change the - to a + in no time.

Brad (Carlos): B. Carlos just doesn't work for me in this role. I know he's been playing this role more often lately, but I really don't like his jokester attitude as Brad. I like my Brads to play as straight-laced as possible, perhaps taking the uptightness to a self-parodying degree. Carlos does better in this role than others, but he's by no means the best Brad out there.

Janet (Liz): C-. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Liz really needs to do something to make herself stand out when she's on stage. She just has no stage presence about her. I'm sure taking a few months off didn't help matters any, either. Janet's a hard character in that I feel she shows the most change throughout the movie, moving from the shy, demure girl to a more outspoken woman.

Riff (Jim): D- for old times sake...just kidding. He gets an A. Jim is always a delight to watch onstage. The one problem is that Jim has this little little that flips on when there's a great show going on around him. This switch kicks Jim into high gear, where I think nobody can touch him in this role. Unfortunately, this show wasn't strong enough to flip the switch. Still one of the strongest performers in SP.

Magenta (Allie): C+. A hard grade to give, but I just didn't enjoy the performance that much. I have seen her do better, but this time she was just kind of flat. A few times I saw her just standing there grinning. Magenta just doesn't grin that much. Again, I have to say rust had a lot to do with this performance, because I haven't seen her on cast lists that much. The chemistry I look for between Riff & Magenta just wasn't there to the degree that I have come to expect.

Columbia (Lindsay): B+. Mesmerized....by.....giant.....knockers..... Now that may be rude, but it's all too true. After her recent return from Italy, Lindsay shows she still has some good Columbia performances in her. A bit rusty, thus the lower than normal grade, but that will get knocked off with time. Her dance skills really come in handy in this role, as she does more during the dances than flail her arms about wildly.

Rocky (Fly): C. A decent debut performance, but there's room for improvement. I didn't see anything to make him stand out from the rest of the cast. He has a decent look for Rocky (lanky boy who's decently built). Body language goes a million miles for this character with minimal lines.

Eddie (Kenneth): D+. Wow, just amble around the aisle, why don't you? In my eyes, there's only one way to play Eddie: balls to the wall, 100% for 5 minutes. That's all you get. 5 whopping minutes to make an impact, so you better make a lasting one. Put it all out on the line, and hold nothing back.

Dr. Scott (Kenneth): C+. Talk about a disappointment. Not in you, Kenny. I mean, it was an adequate job in a very limited role. However, I came expecting to see the master, Pete, in this role. Also, poor work on the part of the person running main spot really hurt your big moment in the sun in the middle of floorshow. I've seen you playing this role before, and think you put more energy into it when you didn't have to pull double duty. As it is, concentrate on making one role your own, then move onto others.

Crim (John A): A-. It's Crim, for goodness sake. What is there to really say?

Well, that wraps up the individual reviews. Trannies get an F-- for being nonexistant, and the spotlight person gets an F for incomplete work.

Think I'm king of the assholes? Then you just don't remember when Greg used to do these things...

Return of Son of Rocky Review!

OK, I'm changing the game plan a bit here. I'll not waste a lot of time going through the inventory of cast members performing last Saturday night, offering pithy critiques here and there. I went to this show for one reason and one reason alone ... to ensure that I witness the one and only Jim as Frank. Since I made a stupid promise to crank on Kevin for his performance, I'll add that as a bonus, as well as a few other stray thoughts that cannot evacuate my brain easily enough.

Given the amount of acting talent Jim possesses in his pinky, it should be well worth the wait to catch the guy playing the lead role in this shindig. Lord knows it's getting to the point of requiring just such antics to drag me out to Webster for the second week in a row. I had a lot expected of Jim here and in all honesty, I'm still puzzled whether I should be shocked that the earth didn't stand still for his performance, or to take what positive aspects he did bring to the role as positive enough. It's hell living up to expectations, I suppose.

Here's the good ... Jim's use of the eyebrow blows away most people's entire acting schtick. Facial expressiveness counts for a lot, especially when performing Frank. Jim adds some elements with that ability that are incredible to the finished product. He gets, I think, just the right dosage of sexiness and power added to the role to make it parallel the movie version incredibly well also. Having listened to Jim discuss this aspect of the performance, it's great to see it practiced.

Now for the bad ... the visual ain't happening. Jim bears a closer resemblence in this role to that of Mr. Boogalow from The Apple. I'll blame Kassi for putting that thought in my head early in the show. Needless to say, the thought remained for the rest of the night. Maybe it was the goatee, maybe it was Jim's muscular physique contrasting with Tim Curry's own British-bulge look. Whatever the case, it's a bit different to see a Frank on stage that's a little ripped in the pecs region. Not that there haven't been Franks up there with a far greater disconnect to the visual, though.

As for the stuff inbetween, maybe I've been away too long, but I had a harder time than normal telling where it was that Jim was really going to go with the role. At time, he was screen accurate. At times, he was comical in his approach to the role. I never got a feel for his Frank like I did with those who perform it with more regularity, and perhaps that (the infrequent performance of this role), in and of itself, is the issue that made it seem a bit perplexing. In the end, there were some notable things to see in this performance that many others don't do well enough. In any event, I've now seen Jim's Frank, so my life is that much closer to being complete.

OK, getting silly promise #1 out of the way, here goes ... what's up with that stupid box dance that Kevin does? Does that happen every freakin' week? Use it sparingly. Having now been two weeks in a row, seeing same stupid dance two weeks in a row, I now look forward to next weekend's hiatus. Brevity is the key to wit. Use that schtick sparingly, son.

As for his Crim, there's a road to getting better and it's not all uphill. Not sure how often Kev has performed, particularly as Crim. There's a need to stay in character, of course. That's a first. Primary among the concerns, though .. perform to the audience, not the cast, not the props, not the hottie sitting a few feet away (ok, that may be allowed if certain levels of hotness are acheived). There was a costume flub I noticed ... no jacket on one scene, not the end of the world but given that Kev is a young pup of a lad, it made him look all the more out of place. Props are also to be used. Improv is great, adding one's own schtick to the role is great ... but show a little mastery somewhere before delving into those regions.

The other stuff that is worth noting is this ... I am so personally grateful that I am no longer the oldest most creepiest guy at RHPS. The presence of older and creepier people than myself is somewhat heartening. Well ... at least it is for me. Suddenly, ol' Greg ain't looking like such a monster after all, is he?

'Nuther thing ... what in the holy hell is up with the damned papparrazzi corp up front? Does it really require three pervs to take photos of all things Rocky? I sat up front early on to get an up close look at Jim's performance. I left with about 30% of my vision, a blind spot I never had before, and some retinal damage. WTF????

One last thing. Next time I arrive at Webster, I'm bringing a pole for those underaged chicks that dance before the show. What in the name of Sam Hill is up with that? Auditions for Ricks? I mean sure, I like eye candy as much as the next guy (for more of that debate, go back a few days), but come on ... if I'm to have eye candy, is it really asking too much to have non-jailbait eye candy?

Son of Rocky Review!

I'll have a few more thoughts to add to this later on, but for starters, here's the individual highlights ....

Frank - Roy: Roy started off decent, but trailed off through the night. Screen peeks became more and more obvious as the show went on, and force of character went out the window around the halfway mark. Roy's got a good look for the role and should be a little sharper with a few more tries.

Brad - Daniel: What is the freakin deal with the stupid hat? I hate to be harsh here, but for a guy who started off with so much potential, Daniel seems to be getting a little lazy up there. Not sure how best to explain it.

Janet - Kassi: Drunk off her ass, and the chick still does a bang-up job. Simply astounding. There is simply no limit to wonders of Kassi.

Riff Raff - Rummy: Nicely done role here. Chris stays focused throughout the show and puts on a solid performance and stays in character. Great ingredients for potential greatness. Get with Jim for further notes on the role in question and the sky is the limit.

Magenta - Gin'a: For political reasons, I'll pass on commentary here. Too much history to be objective.

Columbia - Lindsay: I'm starting to envision Lindsay as the perfect Columbia from here on out. Great look for the role, well performed, and there's always the neverending hope that something will come flying out of that corset. I will disagree with one patron on the aforementioned Lindsay's laugh, however ... it is not, as was described, "a snort away from being the worst laugh ever" ... it's a honk and a snort away from that. Still, she's cute. That makes up for more than enough.

Eddie - Carlos: I would have preferred to see a clearer destruction of the transducer, but after almost seeing him wuss out, at least Carlos put some effort forth and did some minor damage. I guess that's good.

Rocky - Greg(not me): WTF????

Dr. Scott/Crim - John A: Ya simply can't go wrong with John A in these roles. Nothing particularly noteworthy, just another solid effort by the veteran.

Rocky vs The Apple

Ya know, I really really wanted to head over to Webster to see Rocky Horror last weekend. Had plans to do so heading into the Aeros game that same night. But as the game went into double overtime, I suspected there was a grey area in the clock whereby it was too late to haul ass down to Webster but just enough time to get to River Oaks theater to do a second helping of The Apple. With just enough dumb luck, Uber and I hit that grey area of the clock and managed to make it to River Oaks. I'll have a second review of The Apple up later, but I did notice on the cast website (which needs to update their front page) that some new members will be performing next week, so I have to catch that.

Frank- Roy
Brad - James
Janet - Liz
Riff Raff - Chris
Magenta - Gin'a
Columbia - Lindsay
Eddie - Carlos
Rocky - DJ
Dr. Scott - Pete
Crim - John A.

Yes, the unholy reunion of THEM [bold] and Sadistic Pleasures will be taking place. I suspect pigs will be flying ... and for good reason:

... I personally have seen pictures from the Sp shows and with the goings on from those pictures I feel I don't want RO to have that kind of show, I was appalled at the things they posted in pictures, and I will not subject my cast to those type of things. Mgt would kick us out in a second if that type of nonesense was happening during rocky and I will not have that. Moreover most of our cast feels they want nothing to do with Sp or their members ....

That would be a direct quote from the aforementioned Gin'a ... I'm tickled more than a few shades of pink now as I shop for an Irony Meter to measure next week's performance by. Now, Chris is a swell guy that I have no beef with ... but one personal suggestion would be to see "Rummy" do the show drunk just for old times sake.

Look out Webster ... make way for Greg!!!!!

New Site Update ... Sadistic Pleasures

Sadistic Pleasures Home

Another morsel I learned of last night ... Sadistic Pleasures has updated their site with a new look. It's moments like this when I hate being a web design snob ... I can think of so many things wrong with this site.

But whatever works ... as long as someone's having fun with it.

Rocky Review: Back From The Beyond

Well folks, your weary, dog-tired Rocky reviewer pal here has schlepped it on over to Webster this past weekend. It's been a while, and quite frankly, I've had a hankering for a quality performance. As it turned out, I got just such a treat tonight. For starters, it was multpile Frank night, with Jeff, David, Kassi, and Lynda trading places throughout the show. Gotta admit, it was handled rather smoothly, so kudos to all involved. Secondly, and probably most importantly ... the film got off track with a few minutes remaining. Yep, there we were, right at the end of the takeover scene and the screen just goes all outta kilter. This is where a huge difference between casts is more than evident. THIS cast, for instance, actually knew the script and performed the remaining few minutes (complete with song) very abley. To some, this might actually demonstrate the value of actually knowing the script. To others ... well, let's just say some people never learn. Hats off (if I had a hat on, that is) to all who managed to wrap up the show and nailed the lines, and the songs dead on.

Being my first time back in the haughty confines of Webster, I would be remiss if I did not pack some treats of my own, so the audience got its fill of rice, toast, hot dogs, and toilet paper. Just like old times, nothing beats making a mess that you don't have to clean up. Hence the appeal of Rocky.

David asked me what I thought of the preshow, so here's a regurgitation of my take: Basically, we had David, Jeff, and Jef doing a lip synch of Constantinople by They Might Be Giants. Since I'm old, I can safely say that TMBG is not within the comfy confines of what would musically qualify as "my cup of tea." So take it for what its worth. Lip synchs are tough to really sell, and the trio did a suitable job performance-wise. Jef seemed to have the timing down, David had his own flair of panache to add to the whole thing, and Jeff was somewhere inbetween. It was a hair on the long side to hold attention and build up the audience to a rousing crescendo. It wasn't a show killer, but it wasn't a highlight, either. So chalk it up to experience. Experimentation good ... live and learn ... and all that other fun stuff.

So anyways, let's get on with the show ...

Frank - Jeff we start off with Jeff doing Sweet T, and I know there was some other reprisal at a later point in time. But this was a rather impressive intro to Jeff's Frank, having heard nothing but raves prior to this. I can see what the hype is about and I've got to think that a full show is in order to take it all in. He's got the character down pat. Definitely a plethora of talent here.

Frank - David what more can anyone say about this Greggie Award winning performer? David did what appeared to be the bulk of the show. Just another solid, classic, heart-warming performance by the master.

Frank - Kassi all I can say is that I'm more and more convinced with each passing week that David Z is the luckiest SOB in the world and for that, I truly hate the guy. That aside: Kassi in leather ... you figure out my take on this!

Frank - Lynda I only recall two breif appearances, one of which was a bedroom scene or two, and I'm thinking takeover scene. Always a solid Frank, so I can't complain.

Brad - Brad Brad seems to have gotten over his need to slap Janet for apparently no reason throughout the show, so this is good. Playing relatively subdued for his normal energetic performance, I've actually got to say that's a good thing.

Janet - Kat Kat doesn't have a wide range of demonstrative emotions in her performance, but does a pretty damn good job despite it.

Riff - Jarimie always on the money. Time to come up with another schtick besides the Star Trek outfit for takeover scene. Get with the times you freaking trekkie.

Magenta - Kitty Kitty can give the best of the Magentas out there a solid run for their money. Definitely worthy of Greggie consideration.

Columbia - Alicia hmmm, might be the last I see of dear Alicia before she heads out of town, so I can't say anything ill towards her. The performance, fortunately, was solid enough to make this task easy as heck. Not a flaw to be found anywhere.

Rocky - Jef always golden in this role. Not sure what was up with the moptop look, though. Trying to outdo me in terms of shagginess? Why I never!

Scott - James the only saving grace here is that this no-talent hack wasn't playing a major role. Jeez, next time let me know James is playing and I'll bring a few extra quarters to put in the animatron. I could have sworn the guy was asleep for half his role.

Eddie - Carlos a fiddle? a hoedown??? WTF??? Aces in my book, though. I'm just sorry I didn't bring a jug to add to the affair.

Trixie - Sierra I will safely burn in hell for impure thoughts.

So there ya go ... now get your holy wars on in the comments section. I'm off to uncover the case of the missing River Oaks cast now.

Rocky Year In Review

I feel like doing something a little different this time around. Its the end of the year, and I'm feeling a little on the less-than-grumpy side. So here's the year end awards ceremony, if you will. Sure, its only one person's opinion ... so what, it gets read anyway.

Its been a rather eventful year for Rocky in Houston. The Sadistic Pleasures relocated a few miles further south after Southpoint theater underwent an ownership change. The THEM cast celebrates their anniversary in January. So let's get with those awards. I'll start with the small stuff and build up to the two big ones at the end. Feel free to disagree ... its only one person's opinion. Nevermind that I've apparently been the source of more wars than William Randolph Hearst.

2002 Best Frank - David Z - the Outback performance sealed this one. Any Frank not afraid to have two photographers take pics of his crotch ... that says a lot.

2002 Best Brad - Daniel - still new at the role, and shows signs of inconsistency at other roles. This one, however, he was born to play. A great look for the role, he adds great personality to the role as well.

2002 Best Janet - Kassi - there's a lot of close seconds here, but Kassi is too consistent, too accurate, to cute, and too inventive with the role to really have anyone else win this one.

2002 Best Riff - Jim - when focused, there are simply none better. It should be noted that I still have not seen Jim's Frank, so I am not able to dethrone the mighty David Z from his award. Jim can cover a slew of roles with amazing skill and accuracy. If there's a better amateur actor in the city of Houston, I say its time to pony up with the proof.

2002 Best Magenta - (tie) Stephanie & Mel - As if to prove that the best performers at certain roles do not perform enough, Steph has been in and out of the performing business over the course of this year. She still earns a share of the title based on a smattering of appearances. Mel earns hers by consistently improving on this role and leaving me just downright impressed the last time I was at Webster. Progress like that simply has to be noted.

2002 Best Columbia - (tie) Kassi & Jessie - yes, another tie. Kassi's done this longer and has consistently aced the role. Jessie is a relative newcomer to THEM, but has quickly mastered the role to perfection.

2002 Best Rocky - David Z - there are several that play this role well. There are none that leave you laughing as hard. People want to go to Rocky to enjoy themselves ... David never disappoints in this role.

2002 Best Eddie - Uber - this was won a long long time ago, when Uber first whipped out the maracas. He's not looked back since, even though he now sits in retirement.

2002 Best Dr. Scott - Johnathan - the man simply has a patent on the role. A perfect combination of screen accurate looks, some hilarious add-ons to the role, and a great character performance. So many take this role and fade into the background (or get replaced by a wet floor sign) ... Johnathan serves as an example of how to entertain with the role.

2002 Best Crim - Pete - Again, proving that one can be damned entertaining with a relatively minor role, Pete has basically MADE a show from this role before. The Sadistic Pleasures have been blessed with a roster full of great Crims: Johnny Foster, John A, Pete, Kassi, Uber ... not a one of them is wanting for performance ability and a case could be made for all of them at this role. I opt for the epileptic one. Granted, its a judgement call.

2002 Best Trixie - Kitty - always provocative, always entertaining. Whether fully clothed or not, Kitty is by far the most creative Trixie seen yet in Rocky.

So there ... now that I've offended 4/5ths of the entire casts of THEM and SP, here's the big awards ... the Best Performers of Both Casts ... one each from each cast. Not hard to figure out how that works. Keep in mind its all subjective, so if your feelings are hurt, go cry to someone else.

Best Sadistic Pleasure - David Z
Versatility, talent, and willingness to perform week in week out all add up to this one. The fact that David plays the best Brad in the business yet plays it so infrequently is a testament to his versatility. He is by far the most hyperactive Frank and Rocky. He can even play a mean Riff. His Morganna/Trixie routine is classic. Just go flip through your thesaurus, locate the word "Good" and every word synonymous will apply here.

Best THEM - Jessie
I'm reminded of the book, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn everytime I see Jessie perform. The most recent performance as Columbia sealed the deal. She's dead on with the role, she's adding her own personality to the role, and she actually performs the movie. Find ten more like this, and you've suddenly got one hell of a cast.

Rocky Rundown: A Simple Proposal

The show itself, I've concluded, is approaching a lost cause. There's some talent that can be salvaged here: Freckles, Chris, & Jesse could do wonders with the Rocky artform if they had more direction with what to do with their talent. I'd love nothing more than to see them at their best. The attendance might pick up from the 10 or so that were there this evening.

I got the obituary not really from my own disparaging of Rocky. But instead, from the person in front of me at the ticket window. When asked if they were going to see Rocky or Edward Scissorhands, they scoffed at the notion of Rocky as it was predominately (in their mind) teenagers dressed up in clothes from Hot Topic thinking they're cool (this coming from people awaiting Edward Scissorhands, for crissakes). I stood in line behind them not saying a word ... in large part because I know what they said to be true. Bottom line ... its become a joke at this theater, and I now know that I am not the only one who thinks that. It doesn't have to be, though. So let me see if I can offer a few cents worth of advice that might help get this sucker back on the right track.

For Rocky to be successful, it needs to be in the downstairs theater with performers who know how to project throughout the theater. It's a given that it needs to draw an audience worth placing it downstairs. The midnight movie series gets weaker and weaker with almost every run. Sure, there's some good offering here and there ... but its not the calling card it was when it was only done in the summer. If Rocky can get over 75 people per show, the theater would have no choice but to put it downstairs. The existing show needs a calling card that trumps the likes of Dark Crystal, Edward Scissorhands, and Office Space. In theory, not hard. But it takes effort. It takes work.

Cast leadership: There's a vast resource awaiting to be tapped that can help lead this cast back to the promised land. And with a few changes, you could have the return of a few key Beautiful Creatures, hopefully added onto some of the better T.H.E.M. performers (I'll add Myke, Charles, Danni & Jackie to the list above). Its my contention that if you mix the best of this cast and some of the former cast still out there that is better suited to making the trek to River Oaks than to Webster, you could have the makings of a cast that could draw. I heard several people talk to Jim during/after the show who remembered him from a year ago. A YEAR AGO!!! Granted, few can claim greatness in this genre like Jim. But a YEAR?!?!?!? Jeez, that's unbeleivable.

Jim needs to be in charge of this cast. That's my sole opinion and not part of any grand conspiracy. He's done it before (before my time, but by all accounts, he did rather well), he can recruit cast like few other that I've seen. He is a selling point for any show, and a calling card for repeat fans of the show. He has precisely the background to work with the above people and get the best out of them. He is on pretty good terms with almost every living person under the Rocky sun (there's always a few exceptions to the rule).

If I were to draw out on paper what a cast would look like under Jim, I would think he may want to develop someone to be a cast director after him. Let's face it, Jim's old, he has other responsibilites, and grooming a future cast director would allow him to step down to refocus on that and be the all around assclown he truly desires to be.

I only state the above for my own part. I don't speak for Jim, any cast member that I think may or may not be willing and/or able to return to River Oaks, or any other living person at all. I speak for the person named in the big green banner above. I'm not asking for another round of intense Rocky politics, which is never fun. I'm merely offering an idea of what I think would make Rocky the best possible experience at River Oaks. I know I'd like to see it return to that level. I have a hunch that the 60-70 people who were seeing the show 18 months ago might like to see a better product on stage. If anyone else shares that interest, I think that Rocky in Houston would be better served in the end.

If a more workable relationship existed between Sadistic Pleasures and T.H.E.M. 2.0, you could even work in some cast members working both locations.

Imagine, if you will:

Frank - Danni
Rocky - David Z
Brad - Myke
Janet - Kassi
Riff - Jim
Columbia - Jackie
Magenta - Jesse
Eddie - Uber
Scott - Johnathan (who else?)
Crim - Charles

Think it over ... talk amongst yourselves.

Galveston Goes Gay

After much indecision throughout the week, yours truly decided to trek it on out to Webster in this week's episode. The temptation was that the Galveston Bunch was set to take over the Sadistic Pleasures. Being a sucker for seeing most any new cast hit the stage (although technically not a debut), I just had to side with the extra long trek to Webster for this.

Let's start with the big picture: This cast did a pretty darned good for its first show in this theater. There were a few signs of inexperience. There were a few performers that needed a little injection of life, but all in all, I'd have to give this a hearty thumbs up. I like a lot of what I saw up there. The problems that came out with the new kids on the block are problems that will disappear with time. And with a few more performances under their belt, it oughtta be incredible. The biggest aspect I have to give these guys credit for is committment. I'm not gonna claim to have been in reporter mode. I know Lindsay will eventually get her eyeballs over to this site, so she can clarify where my knowledge of the cast's background is lacking. But these kids really seemed to put in a lot of effort on their performances and it showed. They didn't just jump up on stage to seemingly impress the rest of their outcast friends or rebel against mom & dad. I could be wrong on some or all counts there. Dunno. But these guys looked like they were intent on putting on a great show, they seemed to enjoy working with each other, and their performance as a whole really shined.

Now, since this is a new cast, I want to rewind and go back to the old format for my reviews. What with a lot of them being new cast members, I've not exhausted my vocabulary of explitives or lauditory terms on their behalf. The old-timers that helped out are worthy of the same, as well. I'm using names from the SP website, so if there was a change anywhere outside of Carlos or Ben, don't blame me. So here we go:

Frank - Alicia: Where can ya go wrong with Alicia? This might not really have qualified as one of her more over-the-top performances, but it was still dead-on with the timing and Alicia has always had a great look for this role, IMO. She nails the role pretty much everywhere, save for a little costume chaos on Sweet T. Damage to her timing was negligible, though ... she recovered nicely and set the pace from the get-go.

Brad - Michael: First things first, let's clear the air. I say nothing here to indicate that I am better than anyone else or to demoralize someone's aspirations as either an amateur or professional actor. That said, there were a few bumps in Michael's Brad. None that should be long-lasting, though. The screen peaks were a bit obvious. That was probably the most noticable issue. Everyone peaks (so I'm told) ... but the best learn to do so discreetly. Timing was a little bit of an issue as well. Both of those issues are easily corrected with practice though. Michael has a good look for the role. There's sortofa geekiness, awkwardness that really mirrors the movie Brad very well. Give it a few more takes, and this should be a role Michael can perform blindfolded.

Janet - Liz: Very impressive here. There's nothing I can really point to that screams: Fix This! But the character still didn't really jump out at me. True, I'm only one of one hundred, so take it for what its worth. To me, what lacks in those instances is the ability to really define the character your way. Its pretty much the last step before someone really gets a character down, so don't look at it as a negative. Liz is well on her way to being a great Janet in this role. Just define it a little more, improv some, make it your own, and the world will be yours.

Riff - David: OK, here's the one shot I get to be negative. David stunk on this night. He missed not one, but TWO entrances. As luck would have it, BOTH were very critical entrances. Riff answering the door, and the takeover scene. While Jim saved the show admirably at the takeover scene, there was no such luck on the door scene. I'll cut David a tad bit of slack since I think I saw something fall and break when he was doing his debut scene, though. But still ... the finished product is what it is. That's three strikes for David (he missed his entrance as Frank once), so we'll have to think up some unique way to punish him. Now, beyond those transgressions, I have to add the following about David's Riff that is in no way a reflection of his performance, but instead a simple request that deserves some respect. David is not a great Riff. The reason is because we all know what a great, over-the-top Brad, Rocky and Frank he really is. To perform a stoic character is a disservice to us all. Yeah yeah, I know David's gotta stretch his legs from time to time. So be it. I'll stand by mine and Jim's call to have him play Brad more, though. He owns that role.

Magenta - Melody: I don't know what it is ... all that time at River Oaks making me think anything else is better, or Melody has really gotten into this role very damn well. Probably a combination of both. I gotta admit, when I was last a regular with the SP crowd, it was when everyone and their dog was being cast as Magenta and I wasn't all that impressed with many of them. But Melody rocked. The timing was great, her character really stood out, and it was played very well. Kudos chick ... you've come a long way.

Columbia - Lindsay: I knew this would be golden. I had nothing to worry about. Having seen Lindsay's first show with SP, I knew she would get better with experience and its safe to say she's doing this role extremely well. A missing hat for the tap dance was about the only flaw I could point out. Talk about minor details. And I swear, the fact that I'm the world's biggest sucker for redheads has NOTHING to do with this glowing review. I think I got a handshake from Lindsay when I introduced myself, and I'll swear on a stack of Bibles that it did not influence my decision.

Eddie - Some guy filling in for Carlos: I was all set to knock this performance due to the lack of an instrument for the sax solo. I was on the cusp of doing so when I saw him start to dance. WTF? Who dances for that part of the movie? But as he kept dancing, it became apparent that he was actually doing a pretty entertaining thing up there ... guess it qualifies as some variant of breakdancing. It was different, it was unique, so I sit here not really having anything to knock him for. Cept for one funny little sidenote. When Columbia is doing her song in the dinner scene, the guy is playing "Dead" Eddie and starts to flex his muscles. Problem isn't in the fact that he was moving while he was "dead." Its that he's a toothpick and as such, HAS NO MUSCLES!!! I cracked up watching him flex his muscles, which was about as pointless as ... well ... ME flexing my muscles. Miniscule detail (and I mean that literally), but it stood out for its humor value.

Rocky - Dustin Diamond: Yep, I swear ... as I live and breathe ... Screech is performing with Rocky now! Actually, the dude's name is Dor. Yeah, I can't make up that kinda stuff. First off, Dor has a great look for the role as he's ripped from head to toe, so he makes for a VERY believable Rocky. What was lacking in this performance is that he came across as an animatronic robot during Sword of Damocles and a few other scenes. There's two types of performers: those that just need to get comfy on stage and open up over time ... and those that are just natural clams with their stage personality. Its my hope that Dor fits in the first category. Like I said, the look is there, he's got enough inate qualities to do the role well. If he can open up and show a little more personality with the role, he'll be a star.

Dr. Scott - Daniel: Freakin pretty-boy that Daniel is, how the hell can he do any wrong? So there ya go, Daniel was good, Daniel was great. Who gives a rat's behind! Daniel this, Daniel that ... enough already. Daniel rules ... there, I said it.

Crim - Johnathan: Johnathan can lay claim to complete ownership and mastery over two roles in Rocky: Scott and Crim. Nuff said.

Trixie - Kitty: Marilyn Monroe idea was pretty cool. I was wondering why the hell she was wearing that outfit and more importantly ... leaving it on.

Cutting to the audience, it was great to be at a show where the audience was allowed to be the audience. There was some notably awful call line timing issues. Jim earns every gold star in the book for mocking about 3-4 audience members for their timing and not completing the call line. Quite frankly, I was a lost cause once I suggested to Jim that he take up doing call lines, but only doing them incompletely. The Jim fan club grew among those sitting nearby to hear this inside joke played out. I was rolling on the floor with each incomplete call line. Jim earns all other praise and plaudits for saving the takeover scene. It was another case of Jim's quick thinking and ham acting abilities that make Rocky what it truly should be.

Ummm ... I think that covers about everything. Hope the Galvez kiddos keep up the good work. They definitely made it worth my while to schlep out there.

A Rocky Review Primer

Imagine my surprise to see a really poignant post on Rocky reviews from a cast member in the comments of another post. I thought since it was a pretty good point that it deserves a little bit more recognition.

First off, a little context ... the T.H.E.M. cast has had some issues with the fact that someone is critiquing the shows. I'm sure it doesn't help much that I've not had a ton of great things to say about their show, also. Were I a more diplomatic person, I'd think of something really diplomatic to write instead. But much like the cast goes to have a good time ... so does the audience. And when I write a review, I keep that sense of humor in the forefront. Nevertheless, not everyone is going to get that, see that, or care for that. Such is life.

The latest round has been set off by the notion that I'm running off cast members who simply cannot stand scathing remarks which I obviously post because a) I'm better than they are and b) I like to tear people down emotionally. Now see, kids ... that's sarcasm right there. I fail to see how I, the proud owner of a truck that will soon be able to vote, can go around with my nose in the air towards anyone. Likewise, I gain no amusement from thinking that I might send someone home to cry about the fate they've been dealt in life.

Still, when I made the request for input from cast members who have felt the need to leave the cast based on my treatment of them, I have gotten all of one ... ONE response. That's quite a stretch from the 7-8 that have been pinned on me.

So it is that Charles tries to educate me on the nature of a show I've been witness to almost nonstop now for about 15 months. That's by no means the longest stretch of time among those involved in Rocky, but as far as audience members go ... its up there. Here's what Charles had to say:

Let me start of with this first. I am speaking strictly for myself and what I say in no way reflects the opinions of the THEM cast or their cast directors. What I have to say is screw the both of you. Greg, it's pretty low of you to print e-mails on your web site. If someone wants a message to you to be public, they will print it on your "almighty" website such as I am doing now. And as for your opinions on Myke, well, who really cares what you think? Myke rules! You see Greg, your opinion would count much more if you had ever proven yourself on a stage. Let me give you an example from someone we all know. The Amazing Randy. He kicks ass. We know this, everyone knows this. He has shown that he kicks ass. Therefore if he ever came to me with an opinion or criticism I'd probably listen. That is as opposed to some thirtysomething guy who likes to come to the show to lear at eighteen year old girls.

So when it comes to your question Greg, "What is it about Rocky?" You'd probably be the best to answer it considering you spend so much time on the net devoted to it. You see, during the week, I hardly ever think about Rocky. I'm too busy...well...working and having a life. For me Rocky is a chance to get together with my friends, get up in front of people and make a few laugh (granted I bomb more often than not) and I get to yell "Fuck" in a theater. Rock On! I'm a musician, not an actor. I have no plans on becoming an actor. I'm just there to have a good time, like all of us. Sure, sometimes things don't get done...Rocky bags don't get made, websites don't get updated, costumes don't get cleaned (we can all smell when that happens)... but that's all because we have lives during the week.

So Greg, if you abhor our show so much, go ahead and go to Webster. On the other hand, if you want to keep coming back, that's cool, we can always use your 7.50. Either way enjoy Rocky for what it is, a cathartic end to the week and a way to kick back with friends.

And as for you and Ulysses, leave the cast directors alone. Jenni desreves more credit than she gets for the things she does, and she balances her jobs and school on top of all that. Rocky may not be her top priority (and I'll feel sorry for anyone for whom it is), but that just shows that she's an adult who has more important things to do with her life than little piddly spats over the internet. Luckily for you, I had nothing better to do this Friday night. So for both of you getting on Jenni's case, I deliver to you a hearty "fuck off."

Enter the beloved Kassi. Well, she's beloved by me obviously as I've been a large part of the Kassi Fan Club, but I know for a fact that I'm not alone & I'm not just talking about her fiance (another fine Rocky talent in his own right).

Charles. your point would be valid if public shows were meant to be seen by performers only. But they are not, they are meant to be paid for by an audience. They are meant to entertain an audience. Therefore, someone who has performed onstage has the LEAST ability to judge a show because they can no longer see it from the viewpoint of an audience.. they know too much of what goes into it and notice things an audience never would. If I go by your logic then if you go to a restaurant and say that the food is awful, my reply is "you can not get your money back because you have never cooked before, i'm sorry, but because of this your opinion just doesn't count."

I know I could say those same very words (and infact, may have at some point), but they carry a lot more validity from Kassi. While I hesitate to put words in others' mouths, I likewise know that similar sentiments have been expressed by others involved in Rocky.

I'll respectfully disagree on one count that Kassi makes, though. That someone who's cast cannot review the show with the same type of objectivity. On average, that point may be valid. But there are a few souls out there who have and would get an open invite should they care to share their insight into a Rocky performance. I know if Jim wanted to do so ... all he has to do is say the word. While Jef & I have our sources of disagreement, I've got enough respect for his judgement regarding the show to do the same. If I want a lighthearted take on the show, Uber is always an email away. And if I want to just mess with everyone's heads during the show, I'll have Mina do a review ... SOBER! To be sure, there's more. But it takes a certain breed who can say something beyond: "Everyone did great." Nevertheless, one tip of the hat to Kassi.

Sidenote: In case anyone's concerned about objectivity here, its worth noting that I've had plenty of bad reviews for Kassi. I believe they all involved her early portrayals of Crim when she was either sick, forced to work lights in addition, and/or not planning on being cast for that show.

THEM Site Updated?

Well, almost ... sorta. Since the cast itself cannot dare bring itself to update the front page, I took it upon myself to do so. All that need be done is download this file. Save it as index.html, upload it to the site and voila!

Downloading instructions:
Method 1 - Right click, select Save Target As, rename file, upload it from there.
Method 2 - click on link, Right click the page, select View Source, cut and paste source code into existing index page.

Use of this page is hereby transferred to lazy slugs in the THEM cast who would rather whine about the status of their life than act like a grownup. It does not constitute acknowledgement that I am better than any living soul, nor does it represent a trashing of one's emotions.

THEM Update: Myke was kind enough to send a reply to my request for input by the cast. He even followed up my request for a few examples, which I rebutted and explained. While he has yet to respond to that, thus far his actions speak more highly of him than the others in the cast who cannot seemingly discuss the topic without storming off in a huff. Kudos Myke.

It's Wednesday and ...

Well, here it is Wednesday and still no feedback from the various aggrieved parties from the T.H.E.M. cast ... that and their site still has the cast list from 10/19 up. So what gives? Surely Jenni wasn't just making crap up, was she?

Rocky, Rocky, Wherefore art thou?

Introductory Note: The normal tone of past reviews has always been with a touch of humor. To wit, not everyone gets the same types of humor, and sadly, there are those humorless souls that it doesn't even register with in any way, shape, or form. After the load of B.S. I got at the last show from one such cast director, I'll keep this rant serious in nature since there's a few things I want to get to the bottom of.

Background: So there I am at yet another installment of what passes for Rocky Horror these days. Jenni and Charles have both pretty much made their cases to me in one fashion or another that audience member input, feedback, and whatnot is not appreciated by the T.H.E.M. cast, as represented by their reaction to both an email requesting an updated cast list as well as a reply that only individuals who perform are able to comment meaningfully on a Rocky Horror performance. Naturally, I disagree very strongly with those responses, but it pales in comparison to what is put forth after the show this weekend: that I have driven off something like 7 or 8 cast members singlehandedly.

The Here and Now: So here's the deal ... I obviously think that last point is a load of pure crap. Among the reasons for cast members allegedly "quitting" the cast are that they wish to stay with a friend or that they have no ride. I'm pretty sure my alleged omnipotent powers fall far short of being able to accomplish that. So here's what I'm offering the cast members whom Jenni claims that I have driven off: Send me an email. Yep, that's it ... an email. Let me know how I have wronged you and let's see if we can't make some heads or tails of this. You can let me know if you'd rather have said email be private, or that you don't mind it being reprinted either by full attribution or even on a background basis. Obviously, I'm looking for something a little more mature than what cast directors have put forth with their ever-so-clever "kiss my ass" and "fuck off." Be an adult, let me know what issue you have with anything posted, let's see if there's not some misunderstanding that can't be cleared up. So there you have it Ben, Jackie, Jessica, Nelson, Myke, and whoever else I'm accused of running out of the cast. I look forward to hearing from everyone.

What Is It About Rocky?

So there I was at the show last week, as they wrapped up the performance, one of the three cast directors/people in charge does the final shoutouts for the cast roll call at the end of the movie, and even encourages everyone in the audience to check out the website. On top of all that, I add a link to it on my site ... why not, right? One problem ... they hadn't updated the cast list since 10/19 and here it is 11/15. So I fire off a little ditty of an email to said cast director:

Jenni

Hey, WTF???? Your site still has the cast list for 10/19 after you beckoned everyone to check it out. And Myke's been getting way too much run considering how little talent he's got. I mean, come one(sp) ... we all know who the real draw is. How 'bout a few photos from after July while we're at it???

Get crackin there ... you don't want to be one of those ghost sites that people point to and make fun of do you?

Love,
Greg

Sure, its full of that hard-edged wit and whatnot that masks a deep underlying bitterness. But the central point here is this: if you're gonna tell people to check your website, at least have the decency to update it.

Here's the lovely little retort I get back ...

I'm sorry the site hasn't been updated to your liking. The site is slowly being updated the past 3 weeks pictures have already been updated at a rate of one week per day the only thing lacking is an update on the photo page itself to link all of it together. I haven't had time recently since I work 3 jobs and am going to school full time so honestly Greg kiss my ass. And as for Myke playing he happens to beaudiencehe audicence favorites and I get comments aboutevery weekst everyweek either at the show or thru e-mail. I'm sorry if your opinion don't hold much weight with me. Actually no I'm not. However if you would like to be somewhere where folks actually care about your opinion drive to Wconcerned As far as I am concered you have no weight on what is done in this cast. You are not a cast member nor one of the three people in charge at any level. If you don't like the show I would strongly suggest you take your money and your presence elsewhere.

Jenni

Real nice, huh? And I thought I was bitter. You can all find this loveliness at River Oaks Theater every Saturday at midnight. I'm still shaking my head at how some people can totally grasp the concept of this site while other can't.

The Deterioration of Rocky Continues

I'll keep this short ... I just cannot erase the memories of this show from my mind fast enough. No Jackie, Nelson plays 3 roles ... none well, a new Rocky who wasn't all that great, and ... oh well, who needs more. The only positive I can put in here is that the new Columbia was pretty decent. After that ... not a whole lot. A little enthusiasm whilst performing could just possibly go a long long way. The dyslexic punk who sat behind me doing call lines that he obviously forgot both the wording to and the timing for during the entire show should be publicaly flogged.

The Jackie Files

Been a slow news day and I'm kinda unwinding after all the election fun-ness. So just to get myself geared up for Rocky, I thought I'd make my little photo file for the esteemed Jackie of T.H.E.M. fame. She's the hot one in the glasses for those not familiar. To be fair, Uber has not done enough to really capture the brilliance and artistry, but this'll hold me over.

Belated Rocky Review: Greg's Birthday Show

Well, no time like the present to recap something that happened Saturday night. As it was, I pretty much had a full schedule after the show, as I had to get ready to leave for San Antonio after the post-show dinner at Dixie's. So sue me ....

In this week's episode, our hero travels all the way to freakin Webster. I had a little difficulty finding the new place. Its a lot better area, in and of itself, than Southpoint. The theater itself seems much newer than Southpoint. The only real qualm I have about the theater itself is that it also seems to have had less maintenence done on it during its tenure. Finding a seat that wasn't broken seemed like a chore. The angle of the floor also takes a lot of getting used to.

Now, title aside, this was not truly "a birthday show." It just happened to fall ON my birthday. I did try and locate a cake to give to the cast for the dinner scene, but as I was doing all my grocery shopping for the show at the last minute, I had limited options. So no cake. I arrive at the theater to be greeted with The Great Kassi out front. To no avail, she was not playing. After spending a little while trying to get her to pull a Tanya Harding on someone, she left with David anyways. David also stopped by to have a few embarrassing pics made with him glomming on me. If I feel up to it, I'll scan em in, but I make no promises. I hit the show with a full assortment of rice, toilet paper, toast, sparklers, and everyone's favorite: hot dogs.

The show itself: not bad. It was a pretty solid lineup, complete with a newbie at Columbia. Got no name, but whoever Jim's friend was, sheLindsay did a bangup job (complete with flashing the audience). The rest of the cast was as follows:

Photolog from the Outpost ... Jim @ Gay Bar

Behold ... a little something I like to call "Jim @ Gay Bar."

Rocky Goes Gay ... FINALLY

OK, let's do this. My day is about as slow as anything here at the office, so why not. Let it heretofore be known that on this day ... yesterday actually ... Rocky was performed at a gay bar in Houston. And yes, yours truly, a flaming hetero, was in attendance. In fact, with the Rocky cast still going strong around 1am, and the bar patrons dropping off by then, I'd say we had em outnumbered by the time we all left. Let it heretofore also be known that the great name of the one and only Jim Cahoon will heretofore be found on the internet with three singular incidents turning up in Google:

Coming Soon ... Rocky Horror Goes Gay!

OK, I know I owe the world one whiz-bang writeup on what went down last night at a Rocky Horror performance at a local gay and/or lesbian establishment. I'm still a little groggy from the dinner I had at Ruchi's afterward so bear with me. I'm barely awake as it is. And tonite, I gotta lot on my plate yet again.

And to top it all off, that retard Uber is passing on seeing The Shining tonite. I need someone else there who's gonna crack jokes at all the scary scenes. Dammit all to hell. Jim ... you sober yet????

Rocky Halloween: Take One

Enough already ... can we just bury this thing and call it dead. Several factors make this first Halloween show the dud that it was. First, the cast cannot project over a large theater. They're obviously more accustomed to the small confines of the upstairs theater and they should probably never play downstairs ever again. Secondly, lighting. Whoever's horrible idea it was to put the light on the far far side of the stage, washing the entire stage with a mere modicum of light, should be horsewhipped. The cast basically performed in the dark. Where there was a little light, there were about 10 times more shadows to make the show difficult to follow. For once, I looked up and realized there was a movie I could watch instead. It had a lot more appeal to me suddenly.

Its easy enough for me to just write this show off since there was no role cast for Jackie. And normally, I'm firmly on record as saying that that's unacceptable for this cast. Yet, had she performed in this show, I dare say it wouldn't have been enough to salvage it. I tried a few times to get a decent headcount, but I'm gonna say something like 75-100 people were there, plus cast. By far, a low point for Rocky Halloween shows. You know its bad when the preshow starts with someone walking down to the front of the theater and welcoming everyone with a loud rousing welcome announcement ... and the only response is me yelling back to "Be quiet, I'm trying to watch a movie." Yeah ... it was all downhill from there.

About the only thing to really pass for entertainment was the freaky guy who comes to almost every show, seems to be lacking a few brain cells, and instead of doing call lines, just blurts obscenities at the screen all night. He was enough to at least keep you on the edge of your seat. I'm still not sure if it was funny or just sad when he joined the mob on stage for the swimming pool scene.

Dinner afterwards was interesting. I trolloped along with the cast and sat with a bunch of 15 year olds who thought they knew more about the world then they do. But the food was a little better this time around, as I actually got my order (and quickly). I tipped the waitress a little extra because I knew most of the other cheapskates in the cast wouldn't. She did a good job and recommended the Chicken Parmesgan ... it proved to be a wise choice, and sadly, was among the highlights of the night. I'll save the #1 highlight for Jackie offering to be my personal slave for 30 seconds if I shared chocolate with her. Life is good in Greg-land.

Next week is a trek out to freakin Webster, so all you SPs over there better have your game ready. I'm on the fence for the Halloween club show. I'll probably be there if I'm healthy ... physically.

Rocky @ River Oaks Takes Baby Steps

What a week. Helping friends move is never as much fun as anyone makes it out to be. Nevertheless, that's how I spent the bulk of my Saturday. So for once, I was looking forward to breaking free and heading over to Rocky. Since the rain was making a 37 mile trek to Webster look a little out of the question, I head on over to the closer River Oaks show. Apparently, The Lost Boys had a healthy crowd waiting to get in. As such, I had a blast making vampire cracks also.

Anyways ... on with the show. I'm sitting down close to the front. Sadly, I'm still within striking distance of Uber for those moments when I embarrass him. Not that that stops me, though. The heckling begins in earnest with the preshow. Always does, always will. Its just the way life meant it to be.

Now right off the bat, I'll give a little credit where its due. The cast did not flood the theater with a callback crew and as such, actually left a lot oxygen for the rest of the audience to do callbacks. In mine and Uber's case, that meant heckling. Nevertheless, it garnered more than a little laughter. Now, there are a few side effects of this to note. Notably, the whiney b&%$#% who I was sitting next to. She was seemingly incensed that not enough callbacks were done, and in fairness, there were not. I'll touch on this later, but first I want to rip her a new one. Ya see, she KNEW all the "official" call lines. She whispered them all during the show. She also got noticably miffed when someone left a lighter on when the que was darkness. I'm guessing in she's nuts. She also left before the movie was done, so I'm chalking that one up to the lame-ass crowd that River Oaks draws from.

Now, back to the lack of callbacks. First off, this is not a bad thing. It's going to be part of the growing process as audience members (other than Sarah) learn that they have an opening to do a call line themselves. Given time, the audience will learn. And who knows ... maybe they'll come back more often. It's just so crazy it might work. Letting audience members do the audience participation part ... sounds novel, doesn't it?

Now, I had made a note to try and do a headcount of the audience. I'll be damned if I did, though. The crowd looked decent for an upstairs show ... I'm guessing in the 40s somewhere (feel free to chime in with the official count Jenni). For the virgin sacrifice, there were about 20-30 people at what appeared to be an open casting call. That, also, might explain why the callbacks were a little sparse. The catch was to have them fake an orgasm (ya know, if your gonna run a routine into the ground, this is the one to run with!). Sadly, it would appear that most of the women in and around River Oaks do not know what an orgasm is. Kudos to the few hearty souls that did, though. Now, this evening should also highlight the insanity of the virgin casting call/herding. First, it goes on too long ... ESPECIALLY when 80% of the contestants wimp out. Secondly, if your going to only end up with 3-4 people participating after calling up 30, why not just pick 3-4 people from the get go???? Anyways, that's actually a minor complaint considering what all we have to work with here.

Now, the show ... yes, there was a show. Well, if you want to call it such. Once again, it was a little good and a lotta bad. Chris as Rocky got the bulk of the derision, as we were clearly promised a beautiful creature and were clearly delivered substandard goods. Mike in underwear was something the world can do without. Nevertheless, I'll have pics up here tonite if Uber comes up with them. I got some I need to get developed, but most of mine were just for grins.

Now, for the good ... Danielle always does a good show. A little added fun (for Uber & I anyway) was when she was hobbling on her broken foot. Quickly earning the nickname Hopalong, Danielle did at least put on a halfway decent performance. There's still the problem of cast members "performing" call lines, which I'll never speak highly of. Danielle could be awesome if she added her own schtick, which she does well, on top of a script-based performance. As it stands, with the schtick coming on top of call lines, its just a tad over the top.

There wasn't a whole lot else going for the cast. I'll credit Myke for being a better Brad than any other character I've seen him play. But once again, I have to come back and say if only he'd do the character based on the script ... it MIGHT be an awesome performance. For much of the rest of the cast, there just wasn't a whole lot of ability. Chris as Rocky, an as-yet-unnamed starlet as Janet, an also unnamed Crim ... all very bad things. With a little taunting, the cast member "playing" Janet fessed up that she has an excuse, she's pregnant. Yet, when last I saw her play Rocky, she couldn't act then, either. So I dunno ... feel free to cast these people again, I need the ammo for my heckling.

Charles as Eddie wasn't half bad. Short enough role, and Charles has a good enough personality for it. Still ... the call lines. Enough already. Whats-her-name's boyfriend that came up on stage for the bedroom scene with Janet did a nice fill in for the hobbled Danielle. I give him the first star of the show. Jenni and Gin'a never do a bad part when they play. They at least know the drill. So I'll offer mild, tepid congratulations there.

Since the cast is still a little weak on their knowledge of the script, I may yet have to resort to a few mechanisms to hammer that point home. Now, based on Jenni's last comments, it may not be the cast's fault. It seemingly is the fault of the cast leadership who seems to think that performing call lines is a suitable form of entertainment. The day I see an attendance number that beats the same week last year, I'll cede that point. Till then ... here's the script again.

Happy Halloween show next week kids. Make the most of it. It could be the biggest show you've seen yet, so make the most of it. Pictures coming sometime soon ....

(UPDATE) Photos are slowly being added as I scan a few in. Right now, we've got a few pics up of the virgin herd and a few hot jailbait chicks in the crowd. Personally, I think they're all safe for work viewing, but play it safe if you're not sure. There's no nudity, though ... darn the luck.

Rocky Retread ... River Oaks Style

OK, here's the deal ... this show was godawful so I'm going to make a deal. I will only provide this link to AN ACTUAL SCRIPT OF THE MOVIE if the cast will only promise to read the damn thing and learn to at least TRY to act based on the words in the script. After seeing Myke do an ill-advised Trixie homage in the form of a really crappy singer ... doing ALL the words to the quasi-official callbacks to the movie instead of the actual movie, I was ready to poke my eyes and ears out. And that was before he stripped. Basically, all the "performers" just got up there and did call lines. It was horrid. It was rancid. It offered nothing of entertainment value and the only thing worthy of my $7.50 was once again the now immortallized Jackie. Here's my end of the bargain ... for one week, I will resort to saying only nice things about what little I can in the cast thus far. In this week's installment, that's pretty much limited to Jackie and a call line of mine which apparently Uber has deemed "Best Call Line Ever." I'm not sure it's worth the billing, but I'll take what I can get.

First ... Jackie. You'll recall this obsession started last week with Jackie performing Janet. I was sold immediately, even if poor Jackie was busy phoning a 24-hour attorney after the show in order to procure a restraining order. The fact that she at least notices these unwanted advances is enough for me. This week, Jackie performed as Columbia and did not do a bad job. Not as high praise as her Janet, but still good. She was probably the least of the callback minions passing themselves off as performers. I also give her high marks for being very expressive on stage. A very nice combo ... someone who both CAN perform and DOES SO. She also gave me a cookie during the dinner scene. Curious ... does it mean I'm obsessed if I have it in a display case in my apartment?

Secondly ... my call line. I've been witness to several original works and have always considered myself a mere spec in the shadow of Uber and Brad when it comes to original callbacks. But to set the scene, go to the takeover scene ... the part when the imagined audience disappears and everyone comes up with the same lame-ass lines they've done since high school: "Look, its a Stevie Wonder concert, nobody tell him" ... "No its a Tifanny concert: I think we're alone now" ... "No, its a Michael Jackson concert, all the kids have backstage passes." Now add to that lameness: "No, its THIS audience next week with Myke as Frank." Herein lies the beauty of leaving openings for the audience to do the call lines. Pay attention cast ... I'm trying to be NICE for a week. Well, unless you're Jackie ... then I can always be nice.

Certainly someone in the cast had to notice the patterns of audience laughter (read as approval) to each call lines. Generally, the newbies and virgins who have not heard them before get a light chuckle as they realize why what was said was funny. The improvised call lines (see the Myke-Frank example) are usually the ones that get the best reaction ... a more hearty laughter that lasts more than a second or two. The reason is simple ... its unexpected. Its new. Its different. To be sure, not all go over well. But leave it to others, for the love of all that is good in the world. Call lines do not substitute for a performance. Learn the lines to the movie. You don't have to perform 100% verbatim. Feel free to add a little here and there (without resorting to call lines). Hearing the same voices on EVERY call line is now officially stale. As one who has sat through more Rocky performances in this town over the last year than many others ... I can attest that an audience will not come back if there is no reason for them to. If they don't have their own outlet to entertain and amuse themselves, they are merely being asked to see the same damn movie with the same damn call lines (done by the audience instead of them) over and over and over. I recall fondly the amazement when my more so-called "normal" friends expressed shock that I would see the same movie over and over ad nauseum. I explained very succinctly that it wasn't about the movie. It was about going somewhere to basically perform ourselves, even if in an audience capacity. so with that, I ask nicely this one time ... please turn over the show to the audience and nobody gets hurt. Cuz next time I start knocking some of the godawful performances like I saw this week.

Now, as an aside to all that, the post show festivities were ... um ... interesting. Uber & I had planned on a return visit to see Arnold the wonder-Bulldog at Ruchi's (presuming that the Health Dep't hadn't read last week's review). We instead give in to conformity and follow along what little of the cast goes over to West Gray Cafe. The draw apparently was supposed to be that there was a 70 year old gay waiter. We get there ... and maybe he was 70, I dunno. But he was gay. And not in the charming, entertaining way ... more like the old bitter type who you never know if they will spit in your drink. In any event, he takes forever to get our order taken, never got me my drink, and apparently quit on that very night. I'm not sure what all Arnold has up his sleeve, but I think he would have been more pleasant on this evening. As for the food, it was definitely better than Ruchi's. The atmosphere at the place was a little stale, as its a little more upscale, in a hidden neighboorhood compared to Ruchi's and was basically dead soon after we arrived. Ruchi's was hopping, at least on the one visit we paid last week. Jenni tried to show me to the jukebox at WGC only to discover that it had been removed. But whattaya gonna do. I got fed, I went home and I did so without any physical scars or bruises. The emotional ones will heal ever so slowly ... all in time to do this again next week.

River Oaks Rocky ... Take 2

So here we are at part two of our story. I'm rested and ready to tell the tale of the tape. Well, there was no tape involved really ... but its all rather amusing. Part One left off with Uber & I making a split second decision to head on over to River Oaks. We were already bored of standing around listening to the multiple variations and theories of eviction stories, Uber had confirmed that Big J was not coming over to Southpoint, so we were off like a Bat Outta Hell. Stupid me, I took 610 to 288 only to realize that (Duh!) the connection to 59 was closed. Chalk one up for stupidity. I take the West Gray exit and make my way slightly slower towards River Oaks. I get there in the nick of time to meet Uber and Jim out front.

Jim, however, was not there to see Rocky. He opted for Rosemary's Baby. BTW - Jim, if your reading this, lemme know if you wanna do a guest review of that movie. I was hoping to get into the theater afer Rocky let out to see the final party scene and laugh at the old people saying "Hail Satan." It still cracks me up to think of that scene.

Anyways, we get inside and there's four really hot young things at the snack bar. Jim makes contact within a minute ... par for the course. These appear to be a little wiser than normal as they decline Jim's advances even before he makes them. Jim then ventures off to see his movie while yelling at top volume that Mia Farrow is a guy. Uber and I wander off upstairs to the smaller theater where Rocky is now held ... seemingly permanently. We encounter Chris early on. Surprisingly, Chris is speaking coherently and in complete sentences. This was a vast improvement over his last post on this very site. Kudos Chris!

Once we get inside, we realize that there are maybe 15-20 people in the theater (plus cast, which almost doubles that amount). Uber and I commence heckling the preshow (the more things change, the more they stay the same). They at least had the foresite to get the four hot chicks up there to fake an orgasm. They also get a token male up there. I have no idea why. Anyway, more on teh four hot chicks. One is dressed in a very nicely done Magenta costume. Another is "dressed" as a stripped down Janet. Another (my fave) was in a mediocre Columbia. She compensated by being pretty hot. The last one, I don't think tried to do a costume. She was hot in any event, though. The first two of them couldn't even muster a fake orgasm. The Magenta one did a really crappy one, to which I responded "I still want to do her." The Janet one did an even worse one, which got the same response. The guy did a slightly better version and got a little bit of applause for it. So when they do the applause test, I try and make the case for two of the four hot chicks. The guy has a pretty sizable lead, though. I point out that the applause for the four hot chicks equals that for the one guy. I do a good enough job to earn a runoff competition between the Janet wannabe and the guy. Both do a lame job, but by now, the audience has learned my methods and the tide is now safely turned, leading to the hot chick winning out. She now has two free tickets to see the show sometime & I'm available.

OK, so the show ... I suppose you wanna know about that. I didn't keep a newsletter with me, so I'm going by character names. First things first ... Janet was HOT. Need I say more? OK, she had this sorta Lisa Loeb thing working. It was so apparent that I openly volunteered to play Rocky anytime she does Janet. This decision was made during Toucha Toucha ... you do the math on that. I do recall that Frank was played by Dannielle. She did a pretty decent job of the role, I thought. 'course, she's much hotter without the garish Frank makeup ... is there not a happy medium where she can be in character without the whole 9 yards of makeup? Anyways, the skinny on the rest of the cast. Riff was horrible. More callbacks than character. I'm firmly on record as hating that. The guy doing Brad, I gave praise to for his Rocky, but this time around, he wasn't anywhere near as good. Between him and the animatronic robot playing Rocky, it was like watching a cast in slow motion. Chris knows he gets a bad review for his Dr. Scott ... and for one simple reason ... HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN A WHEELCHAIR!!!!! Uber is still thinking impure thoughts about the chick who played Magenta. More power to him. Myke played Columbia and left emotional scars for all 20 of the audience members.

Now, the real show is always in the audience for Rocky. Remember? Its an audience participation movie ... we do stuff too. Unfortunately, T.H.E.M. must be used to dead audiences by now as they did 90% of the callbacks not done by Uber. There was one guy on the other side of the theater who did a godawful job of callbacks. Uber and I have decided that it was as if he took the worst of my and the worst of him and made one crappy audience member. The guy who did the "Is it soup yet ..." lines was WAY TOO EARLY. He got shouted down appropriately by yours truly. Uber and I pretty much made the show all that it was. I think we can safely take credit for that.

After the movie let out, I try and see if I can go find Jim in the other theater and catch the "Hail Satan" scene. No dice according to usher punk. What's up with that? Am I going to give away the big mystery ending in which we learn that the baby is a billy goat? Anyway, Uber and I wait to see if Jim heads out after the show and we can hit a 24hr Mexican restaurant after the show. One small problem ... no Jim. So the current theory is that he a) got kicked out of the theater for making his planned "Mia Farrow = guy" crack, b) hooked up with someone and headed out halfway through to seal the deal, c) realizing there were no hot young things, hit on some 40 yr old woman and left halfway through to seal the deal, or d) ran screaming and crying from the theater upon realizing how painfully slow moving Roman Polansi movies really are.

In any even, no Jim. Uber and I head off to Ruchi's Taquiera. Quick mini-review of the restaurant ... it was pretty good. The food itself was pretty greasy. I opted for the shrimp enchiladas, Uber had the pork burrito from HELL. Portions were ample, parking ditto. Where the restaurant wins high praise, though, is in atmosphere. First off, there was a table of some weary party-goers which included two really hot redheads. I have made no secret of my pro-redhead policies in the past. It is now reaffirmed. Second, and most importantly, there was a wandering bulldog in the restaurant. Arnold is full grown and cute as all hell. He wanders from table to table looking for table scraps and a little love and affection. I should try doing that routine sometime. I'm sure there's a health code violation in there somewhere. But I'm a dog person, so what do I care? I couldn't get Arnold to come over to our table once. As Uber and I headed out, we pass by Arnold ... I reach down to pat him on the head ... and he clearly sidesteps me. I guess after a full night of frightening young women, I should get no different response from a male bulldog. The jukebox was backed up long enough to prevent me from hearing my $1 worth of disco music. That's about all the bad I can say about the place. Seeing the sloshed drunk woman behind us do a dance to Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger" was priceless. She did her best (and by best, I mean horribly pathetic) Rocky Balboa impersonation. It was hilarious. I only witheld mockery because she was also kinda hot.

So that's it, folks. Uber and I are presently in negoaitons for a Rocky cast to house us as audience members. We promise to heckle and mock to the extent that cast members question the wisdom of their decision to perform, if not their reason to live. Our only requirement is that you take a solemn oath to NOT get evicted before my birthday. We make our next appearance at "Bubba Hotep" with Bruce Campbell doing a Q&A session before the 9:30 movie. It looks promising. For now, here's something to tide you over:

Rocky R.I.P.

Well, well, well ... another cast, another fall evening, another eviction. This one apparently comes complete with legal mechanisms being utilized. All very interesting. In true Rocky fashion, various theories and stories are being floated and not one has been substantiated yet. So let's get to what I do know and can pass along.

I show up at the theater after the Aeros game (a nice 40 mile drive thank you very much). I get there early, hoping to absorb as much as possible of the final show at Southpoint. I meet the incomparable David Z. out front ... and learn that there will be no show tonite. Something along the lines that there was either some attempted or actual theft of cast belongings and a movie reel (Rocky and something else being mentioned), location of said theived items in a dumpster behind the theater, criminal tresspass charges filed against a few people, etc, etc, etc. Put those notions in a blender and you get the jist of the variations of what transpired.

The move to the Nasa Whatever Dollar Cinema may as well be a move to Galveston for all I'm concerned with. And that's even if it actually happens. I'm not sure I'd put money on it yet. Jarimie wasn't going to make an appearance at the theater to let the cast know what was going on, so I guess we'll find out about it via other methods later on. If it doesn't happen, ce la vi. If it does, it's time to look for other weekend activities. Oh sure, I'll still traipse out to freakin Webster or wherever the new location is should it come to pass, but no way am I driving more to see a show that is now on precarious grounds.

In the midst of everyone arriving, Uber and I decided to go check the show at River Oaks. We tried to get Pete out there, but he wussed out. I'm making this a two-parter since the River Oaks show was another adventure alltogether. So let this tide you over for now. Later today, I'll fill you all in on the hot chicks that came to the show, the hot chick who made me volunteer to play Rocky anytime she played Janet again, a few more hot chicks at a 24 hour restaurant, and a dog named Arnold. Trust me, its worth waiting for.

More Drunken Ramblings ...

I originally wasn't going to post this since I've already posted one of Uber's drunken ramblings, and I'm not a firm believer in capturing lighting in a bottle a second time.

Nevertheless, this still cracks me up. Uber does some of his best work when inebriated. To those who have no clue who or what Uber is, fear not ... most of the death threats are merely there for humorous purposes. I did at least edit out some of the more "colorful" parts since this site is now getting a little more foot traffic than in days past, so while this post has been edited for cleanliness, the older one remains in its ever-so-vulgar state. So be forewarned.

Enjoy the read ... I know I am.

Welllll, time hass come to type another rant. And Mr. Guinnness and Mr. Merlot (Ohehehe) have helped lubricate my words. First of alll: You people make me sick! I hate every one of you. I wish you would die die die die die. Please just let me be. I am not UBER! I AMJAMES Second Of all: I love you guys THirdly: Scotch is good D: I am tired of not getting da ***** at the show. One of you ******s must like me enough to get down and dirty at the back of the theater. all you haafve to do is askk. I lik the **** with the best of them! 5) Why the hate towards John? Oh yeah, he's pretnetious *****e who has no clue and will burn rodents near highway when older. 6: Kayla => GET OVER HIM. See #5 as to why he's a ****ing lOOOSER &: I like me drinks 9: zeither like the cast or don't like the cast! don't be in the cast and badmouth it. i love you guys. you people are my bestest friends. every one o you. 10: ARrrrgh, maties! I'm a pirate. 11: Accordingt to "kissing jessica stein", all lesbians are funny. Hahahahaha. 12:? I wish I had some cake right now. I guess marshmallow puffs will do 13( I'm buying a house! I have a year to do it in! woohoo, you're all invited to my housewarming party. Or wqhatever 145`: Whatever happened to movi night? 666: Gremlins 2 is funny 1776: I'll be @ River Oakes tomorrow to see "Big Lebowski" Steve Buscimi rocks. i am the walrus 1977: Why no booty? I think i iterated this one already. JUst come up and say "Uber EAT ME" and if you're an innie and not an outie I"M THERE! 2002; SCOtch gone. caps lock sucks. Off to lounge on couch until Berman & Berman comes on. 2007: I die 2009: someone notices 2012: Rocky finally dies in hyouston. Ther ya go

A Stuttering Start for Rocky ...

How you start a show will always and forever determine how a show is remembered. Such was the case tonite. The preshow side of things went along about as well as they normally do. But then the actual movie begins ... or so one would think. First, the intro deal started off incredibly blurry, and then it stopped. Then (after a few minutes delay) we started back up with the preview for Lord of the Rings, and then it stopped. Then (after a few minutes delay) we start the movie itself, realizing that perhaps the other clips just aren't meant to be. Yet the movie itself stops about 2-3 more times as focus seemed to be an issue. Jef comes over the PA to ask if everyone wants to run the movie anyway. Most everyone obliges, and then the show goes on.

Unfortunately, the audience was completely dead ... no life whatsoever. Callbacks ... nonexistant for much of the start. By the end of the night, it was just the non-performing cast doing callbacks. I was surprised that the mob did get in the aisles for the Time Warp at least. But by far, it was as bad a night for the audience as I've ever seen.

The show ... it was an afterthought. And I hate to say that since Uber made a heck of a Crim and Kassi looked hotter than hell in that pleather maids outfit. Yeah, there were good performances all over the place, but with the audience on valium, it hardly made a difference. I'm most surprised that I made it through the night awake. Not much else to report tonite. Back to your normal activities.

Belated Rocky Review

OK, since I was a lazy bastard that spent all his remaining time on the weekend reading up on PHP & mySQL programming (what can I say, life in the fast lane ... I'm too fast for love, baby), I neglected to do a Rocky Review for this past weekend. So before Uber kicks my rear end all over this earth, I gotta give the man his props for the "I'm a Little Teapot" thing as Eddie. When it comes to non-instrumental or alternate-instrumentation of that role, Uber is in a league of his own. I think only 5 people got that it was an homage to Jim Carrey mocking Vanilla Ice, yet EVERYONE busted a gut and broke out in a mass applause. Sheer genius.

I told David he sucked as Frank, only so that the rest of the time when I told him he was good, it would be more beleivable. For what its worth, he at least made his entrance on time, so way to go David!

Kassi, Brad, Alicia ... pretty automatic group of performers there.

Lindsey did Crim, but her pitch black hair got lost on the screen. I think she would have been a hit if she had a barrister wig on instead. Other than that, she actually did a damn good job with the role.

Everyone else ... let's just say you did well. Obviously, I've either forgotten the performance or I really don't want to hurt your feelings. Since I'm bein such a wuss tonite, here's Jon's effort to tick people off instead (I edited out a few dirty words):

hmm boring day agian, found myself sitting there in Geometry not doing anything or paying attention to her mindless chatter. Everyone is sick, my 2 favorite girls, Stephani and Ashley are BOTH sick, thats kind messed up.. i want to be sick!!! *cries* i hate school!!! =( oh well we dont always get what we want... dont want to go to school, dont want to do work, i want to pass i want to be gone, bah!!! why must i have to go to school, if i dident have to go i would like it SOOO much more. HMMMM well PE is doing me good.. running and getting a great work out, gonna lose some weight and get alittle stronger, yup yup me bets i will, prob said it before but i am saying it agian... now we are running for 3 mins walking for 1 running for 3 and walking for 1 and running for 2... now that dosent seem like to much, but when you are a lazy fat moron like me, well you get my point. Quit the Rocky cast.. i pretty much dont like them, they all hate each other and cant admitt it, i find it funny.. but what do i know??? lol Rocky there is dumb, most of the cast people are a-holes and should be hanged, anyway... Rocky cast you all pretty much suck the only good people are, Mary, Ben, Brad, Jaramie, Kelli, David, Kassi, Uber, Lynda, Jef, (Greg's note .... ya lost me RIGHT there), Steve, Mel and well thats about it, that i can think of now, lets see, lets make a list

Karren=Bitchy, Stupid, Bad Rocky-i have back up from Rocky Regulars about the Bad Rocky fact.

Lindsey= Thinks Shes Better Then everyone, Bitchy, Stupid, Lesbian.. lesbians are DUMB!

Amanda= Only Cares About Self, Bad Friend, Only Wants To Lick Lindseys **** (let's just say she wants to lick Lindsey)... ****** "Not so swell" Magenta

Miss Kitty= Thinks shes better then everyone else, Very Snotty... kinda Bitchy, NEVER EVER Cleans the ******* darn theater

Clay= All Around A-HOLE

Thats all i can think of NOW, i prob will think more later, prob even after i am done writing this... love ya Stephani! So You Want To See The Show You Really Dont Have To Be A Ho

Moments like this make me weep for the younger generation.

Just in case you wanted the old stuff

Here it is.

*sigh* Time for another Rocky Review

Well, I guess I should finally get around to this ... yet another scathing review of Rocky, as seen from the eyes of this one fan. After visiting T.H.E.M. at River Oaks last week, I was really anxious to see an awesome show back at the more familiar haunts of Southpoint's Sadistic Pleasures. Big mistake.

The mistakes started early and lasted wayyyyy too long. I'm referring to the preshow this time. Ever seen a car wreck that was so bad, your first reaction was awe and amazement that you could witness something so awful? You point and maybe even laugh, not knowing the victims, befitting a real cruel streak within you that maybe even you didn't realize. Then it turns to sheer horror as you realize how truly traumatic the events are. Then you just want to go somewhere and cry. That was what it was like watching Barry doing preshow. The first instinct from the heckling corner of the theater is to barrage insults and heckles towards any preshow victim. Barry was no different. Yet, somehow, it went downhill for Barry ... fast. First off, he was reading from a script. A SCRIPT!!! Yeah, nothing says spontaneous fun and merriment like reading from a f$%*#'n script. Brilliant move there. Secondly, Barry has neither the voice to carry the theater ... nor did he opt for the headset mic. BIG mistake. He was easily drowned out by the heckling quadrant of the show, then he was upstaged by others in the audience, then by Carlos, and then (the ultimate indignity) by one of the virgins he decided to single out. To even further compound matters, Barry goes for the cheap applause line of "Welcome to the Rocky Horror Picture Show" ... TWICE. You know you're sinking when you have to go to the same well again for a lifeline. Normally I like to point out a thing or two that went well anytime I feel compelled to rip into something like this. The only positive I can say here is that ultimately, it ended. Now where do I sign to make sure Barry is permanently barred from doing preshow ever again?

As for the rest of the show, there's actually little to really cover. Clay broke out with his first stint as Riff. He didn't do too badly, but he has no acting ability, at least as demonstrated last night. Steve as Brad, that was a chore to watch. Steve puts forth a lot of effort, but like myself, I'm just not sure he's got the look to play any role convincingly.

The real classic moment of the show was during Frank's "entrance." There wasn't one. Frank was nowhere to be seen during Sweet T, and David, playing Frank, does a kick-ass Sweet T. At first glance, it looked like maybe David was waiting outside the fire exit doors for his entrance, only to have nobody let him in, and when he did get in, it was too late. Upon further investigation, it turns out David was busy getting his makeup put on and dilly-dallied too long. Yeah, its another fine moment of stuff on stage being funnier than the movie. All-in-all, David recovered later in the show and performed one of the most intriguing bedroom scenes with Kassi as Janet. Needless to say, I think they found a position not even in the Kama Sutra.

That's about all there was to report. Maybe next week will be better. The bar has been lowered sufficiently, so its doable.

US & T.H.E.M. - Revisited

Well, the comments section of this site got a lot more interesting thanks to this post. So I only wanted to add an open invite to any of T.H.E.M. to visit Southpoint. Sadistic Pleasures Cast Director, Jarimie, has already extended a gratis invite to the show, to which I offer a seat in our little back corner of "paradise" for callbacks and other assorted merriment. I might even be talked into un-retiring Rice/Weiner Chucker v1.0, for such an occassion, so advanced warning is needed on that front. There are literally no hard feelings or ill will towards T.H.E.M. So come one, come all.

Fallout from T.H.E.M.

Well, fresh off the comments of my recent review of T.H.E.M., we have this offering by T.H.E.M. cast member Chris.

upon reading gregs opinion, I dont think, no let me correct that I know it wasnt an opinion. Its southpoints way of trying to be ignorant. why else would they first come to see a midnight movie there and put it down, this can only mean that southpoint is jelous of river oaks. Then to send one of there own to see T.H.E.M., wich he had plan to give T.H.E.M a bad review anyways. so there was no opinion to begin with. and if you think i have no proof well I get my info. from a very reliable source. And let me just end this saying for one cast trying to dis anouther like southpoint has just done here only means that southpoint in there minds and that it bothers them very much that T.H.E.M is the better cast.

T.H.E.M dosent need to go around disin